Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

Agree. Also feels icky to me that someone hasn’t even spoken to you yet but just makes a request for your number (irrespective of if they’re at work or not), I mean it’s just so very abrupt and absolutely no sign it was coming so it would make you feel extremely awkward.

I cannot get over the fact you think this was an event, sorry OP, you really need to get out more.

I don't think he approached you, he was serving you and gave you the bill. He took the opportunity to ask for your number. I don't personally think it was terrible. However, you obviously have a strong reaction to the event, which is fine. Your opinion hasn't changed after starting this thread and it won't change now.
If it makes you feel better, complain.

I don't agree with this at all, women are expected to put up with unwanted attention from men throughout their lives which is very unfair, we deal with it, but you should not have to deal with this when having a dinner out at a restaurant, it's very disrespectful and if the waiter doesn't understand that it's helpful to educate him.

@WiseAdviceNeededPlease. The OP didn’t have to deal with this when having dinner - the man waited until she had finished and was paying the bill.

That is true but I think it's splitting hairs, he was working in a professional capacity and she was a customer, a big part of the problem is that he asked for her personal information, he would have been better to offer his own number if he was going to cross the line.

this. for a lot of people there are no friends of friends. and after a certain age a lot of friends are coupled up so the options are slim to none.

I have a few single female friends and not a single unattached man I could connect them even via friends of friends. Their current options require them to be open to dating, whether online, or approached in person in public.

when you are out of your 20s meeting someone vaguely known by your friend circle at a party is a lot less viable of an option.

Quite, quite ghastly

@Turducken, you are not ghastly or insufferable or hardwork. And Tenerifebitch is not the official spokesperson of the thread. Plenty of us completely disagree with that person as you can see xxx

But most women wouldn’t ring a man to ask him out.

Well to be fair, i have seen this kind of thing in plot lines in books and dramas fairly often, and it used to happen to a friend of mine alot

I'd complain about it too. It's not appropriate. He sees you as a walking orifice. What is he hoping for by getting your number? An easy shag.

If he respected you he'd give you his number then it would be up to you whether or not to use it later on.

A walking orifice, an easy shag?

I am lost for words, I really am

Nah, she's not insufferable. She's right in all seriousness. It's not the place for it, even if she was able to laugh it off and her daughter wasn't phased.

You have no idea what the waiter’s intentions were, you are just making the most derogatory assumptions.

🎯🎯🎯👍🏾

Yep. Exactly this. And if her daughter's grown-up she's at least in her late 30's and still having to deal with it instead of just spending time with her daughter. I'm 32, if a man asked me for my number anywhere I'd be inclined to say "What for?" Although that hasn't happened since my late 20's. I prefer it this way.

🤣🤣🤣🤣. Seeing a post like this makes me really appreciate why other forums take the piss out of Mumsnet to such an extent.

The waiter is clearly a dangerous sexual deviant. 🤔
No chance that he is just an average guy asking for a date.

Different friends/activities really. I never met a single boyfriend in a pub nor club. For me it was workplaces, hobbies, "friend of a friend", family friends, etc. The only two serious boyfriends, one was the son of someone I worked with, and the other was someone I worked with. The less serious/casual ones were from voluntary work, hobbies, etc.

Hmm. At least 24% of us agree with the OP so it’s clearly not as black and white as you seem to think.

I also believe that posters like you who think his actions are completely harmless are the sort who love getting any attention from random men and think it’s something to be proud of! 😂

You're over-reacting. He did nothing wrong. Presumably he politely asked for your number, you politely said no. He went about the rest of his day, you went about the rest of your day. You should both have forgotten it within a couple of minutes and not given it any more head space. It's just one of many perfectly normal human interactions.

But then he'd be forcing his number on to the orifice, and wouldn't win the game hes playing with the other waiters 😔

You'd send a VHS talking head video talking about your interests and send it into one of those late night lonely singles channels and leave your contact details.

No, I don't "love getting attention from random men", but it's part of normal life and perfectly acceptable as long as they take no for an answer, don't follow up, don't pressurise, don't turn sleazy, don't try to stalk you, etc etc. You both just forget and move on. That's what normal people have been doing for decades/centuries.