Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

That’s not my experience at all. With one exception, I met every one of my boyfriends in a pub or club, or at a party or concert back in the 1970s, as did everyone I knew.

I think there's a difference here. I can see that a resort for families, attracting regular holiday makers may wish to crack down on lothario waiters, who target young women on holiday. It's become a problem in some Turkish resorts, for example.
However, a mature woman, finished a meal in a restaurant, not staying there....? I think it's a different situation.

Of course most women see it as a compliment. If a woman says no and the man persists, then I agree that would be intrusive, but I really don’t see the problem with a man asking a woman for her number. The world has gone mad!.

We were aware of each other through friends of friends and then spent time together in group settings with said friends. And, as I recommended was the best option which left a women less vulnerable, he gave me his number first.

Not that my relationship or DH is in any way on trial here.

I wish i had a man that asked for my number id be well chuffed.
Op you sound like hard work so i do think said man dodged a bullet.
Its pretty much how we meet people and get to know them.

Of all the responses I've had to this, the ones calling me "insufferable" and "hard work" for not being thrilled about some random bloke I don't know and have only politely engaged with asking for my number is really surprising. There's fair debate about whether it was appropriate or not, but I don't get why I'm wrong for not being over the moon about the approval of some guy I met briefly

Thing is you can’t always meet through friends or friends of friends. I met a bf once on a bus - total stranger and I asked him out 😁

It’s not that you weren’t thrilled it’s that you’re making such an almighty deal of it.

But if you liked him you wouldnt have minded i presume

No, I agree with pp. It's not that you weren't "over the moon", it's just that some of us seem to consider it something of little concern and consequence.
However, you obviously do, so complain if you want to, but I would just let it go, and not worry about it.

You absolute stalker. I hope you weren’t the driver 🤣🤣

😂

I bet the restaurant owner doesn’t think this is harmless, because they’ve lost a customer. And I doubt this is the first time he’s done this.

Get a life, a woman can be flattered, see if for what it is and not give it a second thought, that is what most of us do.

I don't think the OP is such a regular visitor that they will miss the custom

You sound nice.

Yes you are 100% right very inappropriate. I would probably let the manager know if it was me. The waiter needs to have the "feedback" that that it's not ok to ask customers for their phone numbers.

Lol no. We just literally met on the bus and started dating. I was quite brave in my 20s and occasionally took the reins and asked guys out. 😄

Good for you!

I think i have called you all of them

OK you weren't impressed, but you started a thread about it, it was a total non event, but clearly it meant more to you than it did to the rest of.

Personally that is a reflection on you, not us.

I really do think you need to get out more and expand your horizons

@Jc2001 the poster wasn't saying she agreed with this game, only that it happens.

Just like exam invigilators stand behind the pupil most likely to go to prison or get pregnant!

Have none of you ever worked, had mates, made jokes, had laughs with colleagues?

I started the thread because I wanted to know if it was a reflection on me, how do you find out if you're the problem, if you can't ask?! I don't think I'm wrong for thinking differently to you, but I did want to find out how niche my take on it was, hence the post. Calling people names, instead of responding more politely is very much a reflection on you, if we're busy pointing fingers

But you still don't think you're in the wrong, you're still not accepting it is a non event are you?

It's not a non event to me, it's a non event to you, and to other people who don't mind being approached by men they don't know while out with their families and that's fine. It's ok for two people to think differently and it's ok to have a point of view that's in the minority. The point of the post was to ascertain whether it would bother enough people that I should try to make sure he didn't do it to anyone else, not to be insulted because some people think their way is the only way

Maybe OP would have liked him if he didn’t make her uncomfortable. Asking out the blue, after no meaningful interaction, is weird and creepy. Meet someone where you like - the bus or whatever else has been said - but you at least establish there is a potential for mutual interest. You don’t just get on the bus, spot a hottie and hand them pen and paper.