Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

Then he should've thought about it before doing it if he knew a disciplinary could happen.

Uanbu not to like it.

He was at work.

If you tell the restaurant..if he did nothing wrong in their eyes, there's no issue.

If he did something out of line...that's for them to address.

As an employer, I would not want staff asking customers for their phone number.

unsuccessful people should clearly pop into a shame hole and never approach anyone again.

I, for one, would watch this episode of Luther/Grease

you have to pretend to want to be friends for 3-6 months and then ask them out seems to be the consensus so far.

You get a hobby, meet people, show an interest in their lives?

“Hitting” on people often isn’t very successful because it can often be seen as a superficial way of trying to start a romantic relationship. You wouldn’t start a friendship like that would you? It takes longer to get to know someone first but some might say it’s worth it because it’s more meaningful.

Why must people be offended by any random interaction?

If a man, or a WOMAN, asks for your phone number, just decline and move on. What's so "leery" about someone asking for your phone number?

and avoid doing it to a customer when you're supposed to be working.

It really isn't rocket science.

Some of the replies have been quite nasty to OP who basically just said she felt uncomfortable and should she mention something to the restaurant? She hasn't even thrown her toys out of the pram at the responses saying she shouldn't?

Given the divide in responses there clearly is a grey area here - me personally I do think it was unprofessional. I've never had a job where it would be okay to ask a client/customer for their number. It may not have been specified but it was just one of those unspoken rules.

You were there OP so ultimately you know but if he accepted your no and continued the interaction professionally I probably wouldn't report. I also think it's interesting that other posters have described this as a non-event but then go on to say 'do you want him to get fired or have a disciplinary?' - if it's a non-event they'd wave the complaint away without doing either of those things.

I do think different people have different tolerances for situations like this - I remember being at work when I was 17 and ringing my Mum during my break to tell her my 32yo colleague was hitting on me. She laughed at first thinking I was telling her a funny anecdote and said 'hehe a bit old!' whereas I was in tears because I was so uncomfortable.

As a general rule though I do think someone working shouldn't be hitting on someone who's a customer/client.

Why pretend? You don’t like to have friends? You consider getting to know someone first (or at all) to be a waste of time? You only care to deceive someone into having sex with you by faking that you have an interest in them? I don’t understand.

oh the fake incomprehension 😂
You do need to work a bit harder on it

🤣🤣🤣. That’s a standard Mumsnet response to women who don’t automatically assume all men are evil rapists!

She's secretly chuffed too, just trying to be cool.
Why else would you go out of your way to tell hundreds of people via a forum?

It wasn’t even your post. Tell me then why do you have to “pretend” to be friends for 3-6 months before you ask someone out? I specifically want to know why it has to be a pretence.

you missed the irony...

This.

Guaranteed if this was a woman saying hot waiter in my local restaurant, should I ask him out, everyone would say yes.

Lots of similar threads re builders, plumbers etc.

Lots of my friends, back in the day, dated guys they met whilst they were working together (in their mutual workplace) or in the workplace of one or other of them. My sister married a guy she met who served her in a bar! I married a guy I met when we worked together. It's pretty normal. Nothing wrong with it at all as long as it's respectful and "no" is accepted without fuss/harrassment.

Where else are you supposed to meet people? Not everyone wants to go out "on the pull" to bars/clubs, nor join online dating apps.

I don't see any problem at all as long as the person asking remains respectful and accepts the answer without pressuring/abuse/hassle etc.

As a few others have posted, we seem to have morphed into some kind of parallel universe where making "innocent" approaches means the person is some kind of abusive mass murdered or rapist. No wonder so many people have mental health problems if something as simple/innocent as asking for your phone number has such strong emotive reactions.

I work in a Hotel/Restaurant, one of our servers asked for a guest's phone number.
They have been together for 4 years, and she had a beautiful baby boy with him last week 😊To be fair it's usually the other way round with customers trying to be over familiar with staff.

Nail on the head. If the OP had fancied the waiter, they'd have had their first date by now, there'd be no MN thread about it. There is a real problem with the double standards. Basically if the woman fancies the guy, she wants him to make a move, but if she doesn't fancy him and he makes a move, he's some kind of monster/pervert. The double standards are astonishing. The same bloke could ask two women for their number - one will hand it over and think he's adonis in her eyes - another will take offence and regard him as a creepy pervert - same man, same approach, but the recipient reacts in a completely different way. It shouldn't be like that. If you don't fancy the guy, just say so. End of story, no dramatics. (Unless he then becomes a pest, in which case it's entirely right to be offended etc). People have been asking eachother out since time immemorial - "normal" people just say no if they're not interested and you both move on and forget it!

I wouldn’t. I’m a woman and it’s really shit when a customer asks you out at work. You have to be ‘nice’ to them and then they read something into it. My friends husband is an electrician and has had women ask him out at work, he finds it really inappropriate and awkward.

I did. And I still don’t get it. Do you think it is ironic because that poster said pretend and you think I’m pretending? I think the reason the irony missed me was because I’m not pretending, I did want to know why you would pretend to want to get to know someone. I would think if you found someone attractive and wanted a romantic relationship with them, you would genuinely want to get to know them. Maybe I am still missing your point. Nevermind. The previous poster might not respond and you don’t want to give your take. No worries.

A woman or a man who isn't at work isn't the same as someone attempting to ask out a customer or client when they are at work. That's what makes it inappropriate and unprofessional. Though to be honest, I wouldn't advise someone ask a person out when they are working either.

I remember a similar thread when a builder (I think? maybe a plumber) text the OP to ask her out. It went a very similar way, some people saying it's inappropriate and to report it and others saying it isn't a big deal all whilst also saying that if he got fired, it would be all OP's fault.

He asked. You said no

was he nice ? Polite ? Left you alone when you said no

it’s a compliment

don’t tell the venue

as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

This is the bit I don't get. I understand you could debate both sides of whether it was OK or not at his workplace, so there is a purpose to this thread in that regard. But this statement baffles me. If he was finished his shift and met her on the way out the door would that really have changed the situation that much? Is OPs upset solely because someone may have done something inappropriate at work, OP feels so strongly about work ethics that she is prepared to let this upset her evening? Would she be equally upset if a colleague took personal calls during the day. No. I don't think this is about the professional side of things at all, I think OP feels men should not approach women at all. Which is just as well because it rarely happens, most people have a date after letting an algorithm decide who they are and what they should be attracted to. So we have people like OP to thank for that.