Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

So to sum up its gone from "waiter asked me for my number" to:

He demanded it
He has a score card
All the other waiters also have bets on how many numbers they can get
He was going to steal her identity
Or possibly her bank account
Or get her name from her card (to stalk her?)
Op should get a rape alarm after this

Was this actually a restaurant or a bad channel 5 psychological thriller?

I met my husband working behind a bar, he asked for 8 bottles of Budweiser and my number!
We went out and still together 30 years later

most would, BUT how dare he would be tongue in cheek. not extended to consider it inappropriate?

You might want to rethink your social circles, thankfully most of us are surrounded by people and MEN who are a bit more discerning, and interesting, than that.

You don't have to be flattered, but being offended is a bit much

Sorry OP , but calm down !
Jeez, he asked you for your number as he thought you are attractive , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️
You’ve no interest, no harm done ..
Why would you complain him to his employer ? ? . It’s very hard to meet someone in real life now ..
I’m sure he didn’t mean to offend you , you on the other hand if you put in a complaint, I’m sure he would feel very offended ! ! , & for what reason ? , cause he found someone attractive & asked for their number , can you see how ridiculous that sounds ?

I think we have forgotten this this is how people used to meet / start relationships back in the day. I’d have been a little surprised and taken aback. Maybe flattered but not anything I’d complain about.

You're free to say no, you're free to give a false number, you're free to give your real number and show interest. It's how dating works!

As long as he wasn't been creepy, handsy, etc., he's done nothing wrong.

For all he knows, you could have fancied him and then if he'd not asked, you may be on here asking whether you should have asked him for his number, flirted more, etc.

I think too many people are getting over-sensitive about pretty basic dating etiquette. Nothing wrong with a guy/girl asking someone else out, unless it's in a completely unsuitable setting or an imbalance of power, i.e. a police officer asking out a crime victim immediately after the crime, or a doctor/nurse asking a vulnerable patient during/shortly after medical treatment, or a solicitor asking out a client during a divorce etc.

How are couples supposed to get together if one of them doesn't make the first move? It's ALL about how the first approach is made, and that person accepting a "no" as the answer. Now if the waiter had been told "no" and continued pestering the OP, then that's a completely different matter. But a polite first approach, followed by a polite "no/not interested" is absolutely fine if that's as far as it goes. Neither party should feel awkward/aggrieved etc. It's basic human nature.

I'd bloody love it! I would have given him my number and a list of days I am free haha

I don't think people who keep with that lazy "insult" (you must be a man)
realise how it weakens their entire arguments against men, and how stupid they sound.

😁

I do sometimes think places like MN make people a bit nuts and unable to deal with life’s non-events without making an almight mountain out of it.

Before SM you would have just said no thanks, maybe mentioned in passing to a friend then forgotten about it. Now it has to be examined, interrogated, pulled apart, dissected, taken to court and put on trial. People just can’t seem to cope with normal life anymore.

Complain about what. He asked for your number. Unless he was sexually inappropriate. There's nothing to complain about.

We were distantly friends first, got on very well with clear attraction and he asked to take me on a date after establishing I was single. Like a non-creep.

As I’ve said previously, if this waiter as genuinely interested in OP and didn’t want to cross the boundaries of professionalism he could have slipped his number to her and walked away. Much less invasive.

From OP’s telling it didn’t read like he was being very flirty or showing any particular interest. He didn’t ask her other questions to fuel his interests. He didn’t clarify he was asking for her number in order to get to know her better. For all she knows he’s going to use it to scam her or as she said, as part of some bet with the other staff. It’s pretty weird and in no way flattering.

I don’t think I should be accused of being a man just because I think the interaction between the OP and the waiter was pretty benign. Although to be fair I wasn’t nasty. I simply disagree that the waiter did anything wrong. Some of the nonsense on here. Imagine if two people met this way and ended up married and having children, then telling their children/grandchildren how they met. Would they say ‘Aw isn’t that sweet?’ or ‘You dirty old creep. You should have been doing your job instead of ogling the customers. I’m going no contact immediately’? Honestly, people have to meet SOMEhow. It sounds like a pretty fleeting exchange.

Oh and the OP definitely shouldn’t have been made to feel by one poster that she gave out the wrong signals. That’s by far the worst comment on here.

Are the women who would be flattered by this not getting much attention from men in places where it would be appropriate, that it makes them this desperate to feel flattered in this scenario?

I just think men give women attention everywhere so it’s nice to have a rest from it when you are somewhere where you should be able to presume that because you’re a customer and they’re working, that you’ll I’ll be left alone. Like in this scenario.

Old fashioned? It’s the very opposite of old fashioned, it’s a very modern response to someone asking you out. This would have been very normal decades ago.

I know this poster can answer for themselves but just to say, I was friends with my now husband before we became romantically involved. The rest of this post is not directed at you specifically. Just my thoughts.

I think if you’re going to “cold” hit on someone, there should be certain rules for engagement. It needs to be in a neutral place, and there needs to be no imbalance of power. In a bar and you’re both patrons - yes, in your workplace or home, no. A power imbalance can occur when money or services are changing hands so if someone is working and the other person is not, no. Ditto police officers, medical staff, teachers when on duty - all represent a power imbalance so no. And the most important rule, no means no. You cold hit on someone, they decline, it’s over, walk away politely.

Men who cold hit on people, tend to do a lot of cold hitting on people. It’s a numbers game. Hence - not flattering. The man gets a 1% successful hit rate, who wants to be that 1% woman? He didn’t “pick” you for you, he picked you because 99% of women said no. Plus it has seedy links with the manosphere and PUA. Much nicer to meet someone and start a friendship first, get to know them.

And it’s ok to see someone you find attractive and NOT HIT ON THEM! It’s not compulsory, you don’t have to “take your shot”. Sometimes the timing or situation isn’t right so just back off! Easy.

This. It’s in the grey area of being a bit too forward but not outright wrong. I don’t think there’s much to be gained from complaining

Not ok. They weren’t two strangers in a nightclub, op was having dinner in a restaurant and the man was working. Not appropriate at all. I would’ve felt very awkward and embarrassed.

The whole thing is really a non-event. I wouldn’t have even started a thread on it. I’d have said to my companion, whoever they were, hark at him cheeky sod, and that would have been the end of it.

(I’ve never started a thread and certainly wouldn’t over such a non event as this).

I really don´t know how some people make it through the day. Totally incapable of dealing with normal interactions between humans.
No, you don´t "REPORT" it because there is nothing to report.

The man gets a 1% successful hit rate, who wants to be that 1% woman?

But if your hit rate is low, you have to put yourself out there. What else do you do? Although agree there needs to be some reason to pick you; they need to know something about you! That weird thing where men will randomly stop you and ask for your number in the street is not flattering because you suspect they do it to anyone.

Completely unprofessional and I think the restaurant management needs to be made aware.

Why must women be grateful to be subjected to unwanted attention from leery blokes? No thanks!

Oh yes tongue in cheek. 😁

I don’t know the answer to be honest. It’s annoying if someone hits on you when all you really want to do is mind your business. But at the same time, the waiter was probably just shooting his shot- you said no. Or didn’t respond. And that’s that. It doesn’t need to become a whole thing. It’s not like there is a law saying he cannot approach you. And nowadays how do people approach others to date without appearing creepy!

No one said they had to be grateful, not even the waiter.