To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

Yabu to put your child and teacher in that position and not talk directly to the teacher yourself.

I dont see how you actually saying no helps her in the long run

I would ask her what the purpose of having the class read out loud is and why the same pedagogical aims can't be attained using a different method that doesn't make one child a target for bullying. It's her job to manage the class, not your DD's

YANBU. A class laughing at a child because of her lisp and the teacher doing nothing. I’d like to say I’m surprised, but I’m honestly not.

Argh what a mess. I think ask for a meeting with the head teacher and the teacher. You are right that the bullying should have been jumped on. I am a fan of teachers promoting oracy but not in a way that terrifies the children.

Im v old but in my day a lot of the public speaking we did was actually in pairs or groups

I expected to say this after starting to read the thread, but she did speak to the teacher who didn’t come up with a solution or confirm they would stop the teasing.

Don’t put your child in this position, escalate higher at the school

There's 2 issues here.

The initial incident is awful and needs dealing with.

Losokg your temper hasn't helped.

I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

From my OP.

She did talk to the teacher!

If you don’t want your child to participate in lessons as they are then remove your child from the school. Parents don’t get to dictate what goes on in the classroom.

If I were that teacher, you and your child would receive nothing else in terms of support.

DD has a stammer. She was never pressured to read aloud (although always given the opportunity), and any bullying would have been tackled immediately.

I would expect similar for any child who was struggling with reading aloud, whatever the cause. (Along with working in pairs, small groups etc to build confidence).

But asking isn’t the same as getting an agreement. If you didn’t have an agreement from the teacher then you put your child in a difficult position.

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. You are your daughter’s advocate and imo you did the right thing. The teacher sounds harsh and with no empathy or understanding of people. I really feel for your daughter in that environment and I wouldn’t let it go if I were in your situation. This could have serious effects on your daughter’s mental health otherwise. I’d suggest a compromise where your daughter could read one to one rather than in front of the class and the teacher will have to adult up when dealing with the other kids, instead of blaming you or your daughter.

It's the children laughing that's the core issue that needs to be dealt with, not the reading.

It should have been dealt with earlier and the teacher shouldn’t have forced her to read but you also need to take some responsibility for this.

Telling your child to disobey a teacher without explanation and context was always going to inflame the situation.

Ask for a meeting now with the head.

She did she asked if her child could be excused from reading aloud the teacher said no.

YANBU in a sense but you can’t just leave it as. “Dd must continue to refuse”.

You need to take this higher up the school.

The teacher not immediately jumping on the teasing of your dd was awful, but then refusing to moderate the approach once you’d spelled it out to her was also wrong.

I think the first step should have been the school to stop the children laughing at your daughter and to have a conversation with the class, when she isn’t there to tell them to stop. If possible, she should be encouraged to speak, so she can be accepting of herself. I understand that you’re at the stage where you are saying she shouldn’t have to though. I would speak to head of key stage or assistant head about it.

I don’t think your unreasonable. DS is dyslexic and he can read but it takes him time and reading in public makes him nervous so he stumbles and repeats. He doesn’t need to read in class, we do work on things with him for example doing a podcast where you write a script, read it then edit. English teacher gives him credits. It’s really normal to come up with a plan B for children who struggle for whatever reason.

The answer to an incompetent teacher is not to remove the child, but to address the incompetence.

Here the teacher has failed to understand the child's struggles, failed to consider other options, and failed to address bullying.

The parent should absolutely raise their concerns with the school.

I think telling her not to read is stupid. The teacher needs to do wider work on acceptance of differences and come down hard in the teasing. Telling your child to change her behaviour just teaches her that's it's her actions that are the problem and not the cruel response.

You are not unreasonable AT ALL. Good on your DD. We would not put adults in this position. If your DD were to become a school refuser over this it would be entirely predictable. And then no doubt the school would be annoyed! Stick to your guns OP

My sons primary school considered this (as in, not having to read in front of the class) a reasonable adjustment due to a hearing impairment. Like many children with a hearing impairment reading out aloud is challenging but also exhausting, and isn’t going to improve his skills in that area anyway.

If bullying is allowed in class by the class teacher, the reading is sadly very minor, and suggests that your daughter certainly isn’t the first person in class to be bullied without receiving support from the school.

Is there another class in the same year group? I ask as I would have serious concerns about a child remaining with that teacher.

So you would refuse to support any child being bullied in your class and you would happily see a child mocked for having a speech difference, or any other difference? I take it you aren’t a teacher and don’t have access to children at work?