To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

Telling your DD to refuse to read when the teacher had said no to that was literally sticking two fingers up.

The reason the teacher said no is because a) it doesn't help your DD in the long run b) she knew full well doing that would have exactly the effect it did c) saying someone isn't going to read aloud because their speech is different sends a terrible message to the children.

The bullying is awful & you were right to push for a solution to that, if the class teacher didn't deal with that I would have escalated to the head. Simply saying to your DD not to read was not helpful.

The issue is the bullying, not the reading out loud. Her not having to read will single her out still, just differently. It won't help her speech if she never speaks in class.

The school need to crack down hard on the bullying. Your daughter has a disability, and the answer is not for her to become less visible as a consequence. The answer is those parents whose children are behaving like nasty little bullies need to be spoken to, the teacher needs to work on the classroom culture, and the school need to impose consequences if that behaviour continues.

She did talk to the teacher?

Slightly harsh but I’m on this poster’s side in terms of (a successful) life is about following instructions set by others - whether your boss, the law, convention, whoever - and we are all challenged by things we find difficult to do at various times.
The bullying laughter may not be as bad as reported.

Poor, insensitive, counter-productive teaching.

I agree with others that it's not for parents to dictate what goes on in classrooms, and your daughter does need to build confidence at speaking in front of others. Two of my colleagues have a lisp. They hate them; everyone at work could listen to them speak all day. They have beautiful, characterful voices.

If your daughter's teacher isn't good enough to stamp down on bullying immediately, or adept enough to find opportunities for your daughter to use her voice in ways that build her up, then what has happened is the consequence. I know teachers are busy, I know they have a million and one things to do, but simply not asking child x to read aloud and parking what to do about her speech development for a day when you've got the headspace to think about it takes a fucking millisecond. It does need empathy though. And dealing with bullying is baseline.

It's a bit of a mess now but I would go and see the head and/or the governors. I don't think you're going to be able to sort this out with the teacher now it's become oppositional - but YANBU. It's this kind of stuff that could make her not want to go to school, full stop. Slow hand clap to the teacher.

There's a big difference in asking for quiet and calling out bullying and teaching respect abs empathy for others. It's very important that those behaviours are called out for what they are immediately so it's clear to the children why the behaviour is being stopped ie so they know its not the noise that's the problem it's the treatment of their classmate and why.

Definitely report the teacher.

My niece has Tourette’s, mainly ticks and some noises. It gets worse in stressful situations. She was once making some of the noises she does and a few lads on the class were mocking and laughing. The teacher let her step out to call down and went to town of the rest of the class.

She had gone away before hand and researched about it to be more informed. That’s exactly what teachers should be doing. Not letting a classroom of kids be bullies.

I wouldn’t have you teach my child.

In New Zealand dyslexic children do not have to read to their peers. It's actually one of the rights they have under our ministry. What they do as an alternative is read one on one to their teacher.

I think you should have given the school
another chance to see if (a) the kids teased your DD again, and (b) they stopped it.

Of course she shouldn’t be teased but not reading out loud isn’t going to solve this. She’ll still have to speak in class more generally. Plus the kids will notice that she’s the only one not reading out loud and her own speech/ reading will suffer- so in the long run she’ll miss out.

No, this leads to a lifetime of conformity. While I agree that you can't argue against everything, do you really think the most successful people didn't challenge status quo, were innovative, argued at times, set boundaries?

This caused distress to a small child. It doesn't matter if it wasn't as bad as it sounds.

The addressing of the bullying should have come immediately and OP and her daughter would not have been in this situation.

Sounds like you’d need retraining and stop bullying children with issues. Which is what it sounds like this useless teacher is doing.

@BloozieI completely agree with you

If the HT is difficult to get a meeting with, I would go in to the school and ask to see him. If you're told he's busy, tell them you'll wait. I've had very productive meetings with elusive HTs that way.

Could you ask your daughters speech therapist to write a letter explaining that reading out loud in class is detrimental to your daughter progress?

The teacher sounds absolutely useless. I’m also pretty shocked that she came out to the playground to discuss this with you in an open forum.

I clearly remember this happening to me at school. It didn’t toughen me up or make me feel more resilient, it made me not want to speak out loud all through school, university and at work. I wish my mum had stood up for me, good for you x

All those saying “reading out loud is an important skill”, how often in a day/week do you read out loud to an audience?

Reading and reading comprehension are the important skills here and there are plenty of other ways to support this learning.

The child has been in this class for a few weeks now so the teacher must be aware of her lisp and surely realises that you don’t ask young children with a speech impediment to read out loud in front of the whole class? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m embarrassed for the teacher doubling down when her initial error and failure to support the child was pointed out to her, to be honest. She needs some additional training as she appears inflexible and incapable of adapting the lesson to suit the situation she’s faced with.

The OP definitely needs to bring this to the Head’s attention and ask them to intervene.

Perhaps you need to work on your reading and comprehension as OP did speak to the teacher!

I was forced to read aloud when I have a speech problem, I still have nightmares about it now twenty years later and it actually changed the course of my life much to my detriment. I thought the days of forcing children to do things were long behind us? That teacher is a very cruel person. Don’t drop it and don’t let your daughter be forced, OP!

'A successful life is about following instructions set by others' is wild.

How does anyone ever become the person that makes the instructions? Where do creative industries fit into this? What kind of grey world would we live in if everything was done by convention - where does innovation come into, unconventional thinking? What if the instructions are incorrect and could lead to harm? I do a lot of work in the sphere of workplace safety and a massive part of my job is empowering people to speak up if they are being told to work unsafely. How do you challenge authoritarian governments?

I am a law-abiding citizen but I do not define success by the ability to follow instructions set by others and educational settings being used to embed compliance in children by force is kinda dystopian.

I do hope you aren't a teacher. Refusing to work with one of your charges and refusing to help the victim of bullying would be a serious dereliction of duty.

Parents do get to dictate that schools comply with their own bullying policy, and I'm prepared to bet this teacher is not doing so.

I think she already knows that, as approximately 99 people have already pointed that out.

Maybe you need to work on reading the thread before commenting.

But was it clear to the teacher that they were laughing at her lisp at not some other random thing? The teacher might have had no idea. It is so easy to jump in with "The teacher should have..." but teachers are not Gods. They are not all-knowing all-seeing. My earlier question stands...on the day in question did the girl tell the teacher she was being teased for her lisp? If not, how was the teacher supposed to know?

The issues here are the bullying and the reaction...yes it is awful and teacher should have addressed it. However giving your daughter permission to disobey also sends the wrong message and put her in an awkward situation. If you weren't happy with the teacher's response you should have gone to the head

I can see why you advised what you did but I'm not sure it was especially helpful. It hasn't really addressed the nasty POS who bullied her and it's in fact gotten her in trouble and 'othered' her even more which means these kids are even more likely to torment her.

I would have had a meeting with her teacher and gotten her thoughts about the laughing. I would then written to the school outlining my concerns if I didn't feel that teacher's response was adequate.

I would actually have encouraged daughter to read aloud if asked and make a point of stopping if there was laughing and saying 'I'll carry on when people stop laughing at me miss' (if your child is old enough and confident enough to do this)

It is the school's policy on bullying not reading aloud that really needs challenging. It's not ok. I honestly couldn't see this happening at my dd's primary school. It's not ok.