Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

376 replies

AberforthDumbledoresGoat · 13/10/2025 06:31

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 13/10/2025 07:05

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:39

If you don’t want your child to participate in lessons as they are then remove your child from the school. Parents don’t get to dictate what goes on in the classroom.

If I were that teacher, you and your child would receive nothing else in terms of support.

The child got no support anyway.

it's not about not wanting to participate. It's about the teacher doing nothing to stop kids laughing at another child who has a lisp. Of course the child no longer wants to read out loud in class.

please tell me you are not a teacher.

GrassNeedsaMow · 13/10/2025 07:06

You’ve said twice that you ‘gently raised it with the school’, what does this mean? Did you have a conversation with the teacher? What was said?

DancefloorAcrobatics · 13/10/2025 07:06

There must be a better solution than for your DD to refuse to do the work.

The teacher definitely needs to adress the issues in class. And you need to adress this with school.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 13/10/2025 07:06

The problem is you’ve just reinforced your daughter’s idea that her lisp is embarrassing and something to hide from others. Short term you’ve ‘solved’ her problem but she is now growing up with the message that others will laugh at her and the solution is therefore not to speak in front of them, long term I can’t see this being good for her self-esteem or confidence. It would have been better to work towards empowering her, not making her hide herself from everybody. At the same time obviously it would have been valuable to set up a meeting with the teacher around it and working together with her to quash the teasing, which obviously isn’t acceptable. But now all you’ve done is work against the teacher and told your daughter she should be so ashamed of her lisp she shouldn’t speak in front of others.

LasVegass · 13/10/2025 07:06

Did the other children not hear your DD speak before? Did they bully her before this? Is it a wider issue in the playground and not just in class?

Meadowfinch · 13/10/2025 07:07

Your poor daughter. YANBU.

The teacher has no idea what she is doing. Teaching children who have speech impediments is not a difficult subject for her to look up. This is on her.

I'd complain strongly to the HT and if no satisfaction, to the governors.

soupyspoon · 13/10/2025 07:07

The teasing should have been dealt with (its not accurate to say its bullying), but now you have validated her view that she her way of speech is legitimate for ridicule and she shouldnt speak out loud

What she needs to be taught is, yes this is how I speak, Im going to speak, this is my voice.

Does she hear speakers who also have other speech impediments, show her youtube videos of all sorts of celebs and public figures who have the same. Give her the confidence to speak and to rise above the othe rkids.

HolidayHappy123 · 13/10/2025 07:07

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:39

If you don’t want your child to participate in lessons as they are then remove your child from the school. Parents don’t get to dictate what goes on in the classroom.

If I were that teacher, you and your child would receive nothing else in terms of support.

How awful of you to take your frustration with a parent out on a primary school aged child. I

Tiredofwhataboutery · 13/10/2025 07:07

PollyBell · 13/10/2025 06:54

The original child can speak although has troubles, a child can attempt to run they dont have to be an olympic sprinter

a child who cannot speak at all would not be asked to speak, a child physically not able to run at all would not be asked to try

Show quote history

At our school on sports day the kids who struggle to run due to disabilities get to start further down the track. so may only have 20 metres to run out the 100 to give them a fighting chance of winning.

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/10/2025 07:09

HeatingFiddler · 13/10/2025 06:35

YANBU. A class laughing at a child because of her lisp and the teacher doing nothing. I’d like to say I’m surprised, but I’m honestly not.

The teacher should have handled the situation and stopped the bullying hut the OP's action hasn't helped.

MosaDiCello369 · 13/10/2025 07:09

As a 40 year old adult who is so self conscious about reading out loud because of bullying in High School I can say you are doing the right thing for your D D. Exactly the same situation happened to me except it was in High School, I had a slight stutter and received no support, I also asked my teacher not to pick me when reading and that was ignored. Some people believe that exposing you more to these situations will improve your confidence which in some cases it’s true but it can also lead to anxiety into adulthood.

handsdownthebest · 13/10/2025 07:10

AberforthDumbledoresGoat · 13/10/2025 06:38

I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

From my OP.

Show quote history

Is your child having speech therapy. My son had a lisp and had speech therapy from about six years old.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 13/10/2025 07:12

Teacher fails to stop pupils laughing at another. Fails to notice the distress this causes. Fails to notice that this continues all day and fails to stop it. Fails to listen to child's parent. And then fails to understand that their actions or lack of are the reason that said child now refuses to cooperate.

The audacity is astounding. As is the lack of empathy. And self reflection.

Irenesortof · 13/10/2025 07:12

The bullying certainly needs addressing but telling your child to disobey the teacher is no solution. I hope you can have a useful meeting with the head and get it sorted out.

autumngirl714 · 13/10/2025 07:13

That sounds like a really unsupportive school OP.
problem is if your child refuses then that’s going to bring even more attention to her and the situation.
I would escalate this within the school, to the head to the gouveners. More so how they completely dismissed your concerns and offered no alternative options for your daughter to improve her confidence etc.

Lifestooshort71 · 13/10/2025 07:13

ZebraPyjamas · 13/10/2025 07:00

Agree with this. Reading aloud with the right support should help to build your child’s confidence. Obviously that won’t happen if the teacher does nothing about the children that are laughing so that’s your issue here.

edited to add, I voted YABU because of the position you put your child in telling them to refuse to read when the teacher asked. That’s very uncomfortable for your child. You should have escalated to head teacher (or whatever procedure is in your school) when the teacher did nothing to address the laughing

Edited
Show quote history

Totally agree with this. Opting out of all reading aloud won't help your daughter in the long run but neither will being bullied. I'd arrange a meeting with the teacher to discuss a way forward so that her speech impediment is accepted by the class - surely the teacher has some experience of handling this? Telling your daughter to refuse was ill advised as you all need to work together on this.

Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2025 07:13

Autisticburnouthell · 13/10/2025 06:34

Yabu to put your child and teacher in that position and not talk directly to the teacher yourself.

Edited

I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

From the OP.

Tryingatleast · 13/10/2025 07:15

Very torn as I was laughed at when I was a child (couldn’t pronounce a number of words properly, years of speech therapy and still can’t with some of them!). There were always a few sniggers and I always remember a girl saying to the teacher that I took too long and shouldn’t be allowed to read.

Saying that telling your child to fight the teacher on it doesn’t help, it’s drawing more attention to her and her fighting an adult must be so hard! But yes, it’s a pity the teacher isn’t seeing this from your perspective, she probably has some psychological study or back up that makes her think she’s helping (but she isn’t)

herbalteabag · 13/10/2025 07:17

You're not unreasonable, the teacher should have been more accommodating. There are often children in schools who aren't asked or expected to do things for certain reasons. By insisting, the teacher will only make the situation worse, as your child could develop a fear of going to that class at all. A lot of schools only ask for volunteer readers anyway.

Cactus12 · 13/10/2025 07:18

YANBU, I have never forced children to read who don’t want to. As others have said, there are plenty of other ways to get kids to read aloud- choral reading, partner reading etc.

Original poster
AberforthDumbledoresGoat · 13/10/2025 07:19

To address a few comments.

The headteacher is notoriously difficult to get a meeting with. Everything is done via the teachers. Even if I asked for one, I’d just get a response telling me to talk to the teacher! I did contact the Board of Governors before I told DD not to speak. But they haven’t yet come back to me and I had to make a decision about what she do in class as I didn’t want her leaving school in tears again.

I absolutely agree I did no favours by losing my temper. But the teacher not addressing my concerns, and then allowing the bullying is disgraceful and her focussing on DD not speaking, and the disruptive class, rather than understanding why I had told DD not to speak (or even offering any support when it was first raised), enraged me.

DD and DH read out loud together several times a week. She loves it and very often can go whole sentences without her lisp becoming obvious. She’s making huge progress and she does speech therapy.

DD absolutely understands why I told her not to speak. Her lisp is more obvious if she reads out loud as she pauses and gets self conscious (I think possibly because she has to really think about what she’s saying which puts pressure on her and stresses her out), but if she’s just having a conversation it’s there but not always obvious. It’s the reading out loud (particularly in public) that’s an issue, not the speaking itself! So whilst I see where those of you who have said I’m ‘validating her fears’ are coming from, I think you’ve underestimated the nuance between reading something and just speaking normally. Stress is the exacerbating factor.

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2025 07:19

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 13/10/2025 07:12

Teacher fails to stop pupils laughing at another. Fails to notice the distress this causes. Fails to notice that this continues all day and fails to stop it. Fails to listen to child's parent. And then fails to understand that their actions or lack of are the reason that said child now refuses to cooperate.

The audacity is astounding. As is the lack of empathy. And self reflection.

Absolutely this. It needs to be escalated to the head and then the school governors if necessary.

CinnamonBuns67 · 13/10/2025 07:25

Yanbu. I'd have done the same and told her it was her own fault for not listening in the first place and this was the consequence of not addressing bullying properly.

OnlyOneAdda · 13/10/2025 07:25

@PollyBell

The original child can speak although has troubles, a child can attempt to run they dont have to be an olympic sprinter a child who cannot speak at all would not be asked to speak, a child physically not able to run at all would not be asked to try

These are extremes and in reality there is a lot of middle ground. Children that are mute, children that speak fluently and children that struggle for various reasons - lisps, stammers, dyslexia to name just a few. Likewise children that are paralysed, children that are athletically gifted and some children that struggle to run.

A friend's daughter has cerebral palsy. She can run - but she runs more slowly than most able bodied children and her movements look different and would be a target for bullies. She wasn't made to run on Sports Day.

I think this is the sort of comparison @Zapx was asking about

WaltzingWaters · 13/10/2025 07:25

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:39

If you don’t want your child to participate in lessons as they are then remove your child from the school. Parents don’t get to dictate what goes on in the classroom.

If I were that teacher, you and your child would receive nothing else in terms of support.

Even with the lessons as they are result in bullying for that child? She has a very valid reason for not wanting to read aloud, and when she did give it a go she was teased for it with no consequences to those doing the teasing.