To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

Telling your daughter to refuse was a mistake. Defying a teacher in front of the other children was never going to go well. The children who'd laughed at her lisp would know they'd got to her, and saying an outright 'no' to a teacher is something that just isn't done, so she's become a spectacle for doing that.

The teacher was absolutely wrong for not immediately addressing the initial laughter, and she was wrong not to listen to you and to continue to make DD read aloud. But you messed up by telling your DD to defy the teacher. That was never going to help, and was only going to end badly.

You are absolutely right OP. I have a child with dyslexia and part of his report states he must never be forced to read aloud. If he chooses to put his hand up and have a go then that is great and is encouraged but never picked on.

You definitely need to raise this higher though. Your child is being bullied due to a teachers chosen way of teaching and the teacher is allowing it to happen. Ask the school for a copy of their bullying policy and highlight the areas where the teacher has failed.

Is your daughter seeing a speech therapist that could write to the school to say how damaging this is to her confidence?

Not the main point here i know, but I wanted to say my son had a problem with th and f, and s. I only noticed when covid hit and I was trying to teach him. I paid for speech therapy online and it was really effective much faster than I expected. I think he maybe had 4 or 5 sessions, lots of short bursts of homework between weeks and it was sorted.

I disagree in the strongest terms. At the very least, the teacher should be supporting OP's DD by dealing with the bullying right away.

Additionally, they might talk to them individually to explain that it's important to learn to use the voice that we have, just like it's important to be able to get around even if we have to use a wheel chair.

They should talk about how speaking up helps us in everyday life such as asking to use the loo or selecting a lunch option.

A good teacher can inspire her with examples of famous speeches that changed the world (Abolition and Equality).

She needs to be encouraged to speak up loud and proud, not denied the opportunity just because her voice a little unusual. This is the teacher's responsibility as part of teaching Speaking and Listening which is an essential part of the National Curriculum.

Speak to the head, as an example to your DD of what your voice can achieve.

My children were never asked to read in front of the class, they had one to one reading and when the teacher knew that they could read well they were put into small groups of peers and read to each other (as well as one to one). Children that struggled were given extra support and certainly not embarrassed in front of a class full of children.

The teasing and bullying needs to be addressed immediately. I'm cross for you OP.

Fluency, prosody, language development, assessment. Being told to by the English lead, it being monitored and not having any say in the matter because it's a non negotiable.

The teacher should have addressed the laughing immediately though.

I don't think children should be made to read aloud in front of the rest of the class in primary anyway. Fine to do it 121 with the teacher or TA, but in addition to the issue your DD has there may be children with dyslexia, ones who are a little behind and ones who are extremely shy etc.

OP a speech impediment is considered a disability under the Equality Act 2010 if it has a significant effect on everyday life, which certainly sounds the case here.

You seem to be unable to make this teacher understand the damage she is doing to DD - what she’s effectively doing is forcing your DD to demonstrate her difficulties to the class each time she reads out loud. So approach it a different way. Ask for a meeting with the head and the teacher involved and tell them you believe your child has rights under the Act as a disabled person - disability is a protected characteristic. You don’t need a diagnosis, all you need to do is check that the speech impediment would meet the definition of disability as described by the Act - which is a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on daily life.

Tell them you expect them to make reasonable adjustment for her speech impediment so that she is not made the object of what is essentially bullying, which is not only being tolerated but could be seen to be encouraged by the school because of the teachers’ inability to shut it down - she’s actively discriminating against DD by allowing the situation to continue. It’s up to the school to come up with a solution which allows DD to participate fully and not to be singled out because of disability.

Left unchecked this will affect DDs mental health and her learning capacity. They have a legal duty under the Act to provide whatever reasonable adjustment is necessary to allow DD the same opportunities as children without a disability. It may sound extreme to attach a disability ‘label’ to this but l think it’s entirely appropriate here and will give you the tools to advocate for your daughter with the weight of the law behind you.

How old is DD?

Wow! I really hope you aren't a teacher with that attitude.
The problem is the teacher didn't offer any support in the first place, she just allowed the bullying to happen.
You can't say I'm not offering any more help when you haven't helped in the first place.

Just from the title I was thinking YABU as reading out loud can really help. But not is the teacher has it set up expectations beforehand of listening respectfully, etc…

The teacher failed to act when the class laughed. That is where she lost control of the class. I teach secondary but I have stopped a YouTube video when someone laughed/ commented on the speakers voice and pull them up on the comment.

I would stick with the instruction, until the bullying issue is dealt with your dd does not read aloud in class.

I know he is not the right age but Jonathan Ross’s lisp hasn’t hinder his career and doesn’t Paloma Faith have a list when speaking but not when singing?

Going back to the original incident, how on earth was the teacher supposed to know that they were laughing at her lisp or that they teased her for it all day? Kids snigger during lessons for all sorts of reasons (someone farted, they were doodling silly pictures, there was a spider on the whiteboard). And any further teasing was likely to have happened under the teacher's radar at break time for example.
Did DD tell the teacher what was going on or did she bottle it up and just cry to you about it?

This. I would have contacted the teacher after the incident to talk it through. You are not wrong to be upset but asking your DD to refuse was not sensible.

You need to speak to the senco

All of those things can be assessed using different methods that don't make one child stand out as different. It's not the child's job to manage the teacher's relationship to management, it is the teacher's job to take care of vulnerable kids. It might well be that the teacher isn't confident enough to defend using different methods with their superiors, but again, that's not the child's problem

OP this is spot on and entirely relevant. See my reply on invoking the Equality Act 2010 to add some legal backing to advocating for your daughter.

She did address the laughing immediately, by asking for quiet.

She did. It’s in the OP. The teacher refused to cooperate.

From my own experience of being in this position, you do your daughter no favours by seeking to excuse her from these activities. Other kids behaviour needs to be dealt with, but it’s not helping your child in the long run if you expect special treatment and want her not even to attempt these things. I’m glad my parents and teachers pushed me into it when I found it difficult and encouraged me. It was tough, but it built my confidence.

Please get your DD some proper speech therapy rather than just hoping it improves with age. This amount of insecurity will be doing terrible things to her long term self confidence, and not speaking in class is not a good solution. I had a terrible lisp that was completely fixed within a year. I can still remember all the practice rhymes though 😆 “She sells sea shells on the sea shore”

YABU but so is the teacher.

I don’t know how you resolve this now you’ve butted heads with the teacher like this but need to somehow.

I was ready to say yabu until I saw she has a lisp. I think it’s easy to say to a child deal with it, disregarding the emotions they feel about it is not really on though so I think it’s best you talk to the teacher direct and compromise. Maybe she can ready a page out loud to the teacher once the rest of the kids leave, as reading out loud is a skill that should be learned.

Please read the thread properly

I would have emailed the head and the teacher saying your dd will not be reading aloud in class due to bullying that has not been effectively managed by the teacher. Ask that the head contact you if any further discussion is required.
Then you can say to teacher you haven’t heard back from head so your dd will continue to not read until the situation is properly managed.

Thank god you aren't a teacher (I hope)

I think there were many other ways this teacher could have managed this much better to safeguard your dd - ultimately she has created this issue by not jumping on the bullying immediately and adjusting for dd to read in small groups with kids she's comfortable with in the class. I do think I would have escalated it further in the school and told the teacher that you've told dd she's to say no until a better solution is found as opposed to speaking further to dd in isolation and then getting heated with the teacher.