To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

[AberforthDumbledoresGoat]

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

No one is saying that the OP wants her DD to 'opt out of all reading aloud'.

Several people have suggested ways to read aloud that will help build her confidence, it isn't read in front of the whole class or never read aloud.

And the OP has just posted that her DD is encouraged to read aloud at home.

You absolutely did the right thing. My DS is dyslexic and school never expect him to read in class. This is no different. It would have been easy enough to skip over your DD but the teacher chose not to.

OP is your DD having speech therapy? If not, you need to get her referred asap.

This! And have all the others laugh at them during the race and continue to laugh at them afterwards

It is likely, as she gets older, she will need to speak to people both socially and professionally. In my opinion she needs to learn to ignore people who are stupid enough to laugh at her, she needs to develop resilience rather than avoid situations.

It is likely, as she gets older, she will need to speak to people both socially and professionally. In my opinion she needs to learn to ignore people who are stupid enough to laugh at her, she needs to develop resilience rather than avoid situations.

I know that children with dyslexia often have a reasonable adjustment stipulated by the assessor in their report that says that they should not be forced to read out loud. This situation is no different in my opinion. The school should also tackle the bullying.

I don't think she handed it well and she should have put a stop to the bullying but I dont think telling your child to refuse to read was the right action for your daughter - I feel like you're reinforcing the bullies rather than telling her that she is good the way she is and should not change for others.

When she isn’t reading aloud, all the other children in the class know she has a lisp. The task isn’t exposing her.
Sometimes accounts of what’s happened at school are like Chinese whispers. Unless you were present, you cannot be 100% sure what occurred and in what order. Could you re-enact the exact response and discipline shown by the teacher? No, because YOU weren’t there.
Reading aloud indicates so much to a teacher - understanding of text at the very least. It’s a skill we may not realise we use a lot as an adult.
Parental support is paramount to ensure a child maximises the benefit of education. Half the battle is won if teachers have a parent on board. Rather than encourage your child to refuse, and without escalating the situation thereby undermining the teacher further, ask for a meeting with (presumably) her in which together you devise a strategy. Meet her half way by agreeing to the task providing it lasts no more than ten seconds, avoids the sounds with which your daughter struggles, then gradually build up the time. This will prevent your child being the odd one out, build her confidence, support the teacher’s discipline and prevent you being seen as THAT mother. There are ways round this which you haven’t explored. Carefully chosen text is the solution: achievement rather than avoidance should be your aim.
No, I’m not talking out of my arse. I’m an English teacher who was determined that a boy in my class with an appalling stammer was not interrupted by his impatient peers. His opinion and contribution to lessons were just as important as theirs. He knew I fully supported him, blossomed and received an award in a national competition while he was in my class; at the Christmas assembly 1,000+ students gave him an ovation. It was pure joy to witness. Equally it could happen in primary school. Let your daughter be him, OP.

@Simonjt let’s hope not! Reasonable adjustments are needed in this situation - the teacher was completely unreasonable, op approached said teacher who quite obviously didn’t give a monkeys, and then told her daughter not to do something that upsets her. I don’t see that the op was wrong in this situation, but a conversation with SLT would help.

The bullying has to be addressed hard and this has to be the focus. Your daughter has the right to practice speaking or reading in front of a group and should be encouraged to have this skill and confidence regardless of how she speaks - would you be happy with her leaving education without the confidence to speak at a meeting? I has a lisp - I trained myself out of it mid teens with a mirror (maybe it would have gone anyway) as I was miserable due to teasing (I expect it would be called bullying now) but my Mum encouraged me to do drama and public speaking instilling in me the belief that I had the right to be heard.

I think the bigger issue here is that they didn't deal with the laughing. I agree that all children should be encouraged to take part in reading, and hopefully with time your DD would join in too. What needs to happen is stamping down on the low level bullying.
Surely the other children would have noticed a lisp before (even though it's less prominent), so is she being upset at other times of the day? I also assume they are not that young by the fact they are doing whole class reading so can definitely understand that people are different and need a reminder of this. The teacher needs to set boundaries for this and make the classroom a safe space.
I would also ask what strategies are being used to build up her confidence in reading aloud, do they do partner reading or reading as a class where they all read together alongside the teacher? (Or have they done this in the past as this is what happens from yr 1 in phonics).

I remember once covering a low level, catch up English group in secondary school where the entire lesson was for them to read the story. I was dreading it as they each had to take turns to read a bit. However as the usual teacher had set high expectations and clear boundaries it was actually one of the better lessons I had ever covered. They all knew not to laugh when people got stuck on words and while they were not allowed to pass, they could choose to read as little or as much as they wanted. So the more confident ones (in terms of personality, not necessarily ability) would read pages while the less confident would perhaps do a sentence before passing to someone else.

The only thing you did wrong was raise it “gently” with the teacher. I would have raised it pretty bloody firmly if a teacher had just ignored blatant bullying in her classroom.

Is your dc having speech therapy to address the lisp?

The teacher could have handled this much better.

This is a completely standard request for lots of different reasons and I have never known a teacher refuse it. Most teachers don’t want to expose a child to mockery from the rest of the class.

I think you should have escalated your concerns with the school when the teacher didn't respond to your initial attempt to raise the issue.

I don't think it's right for a child to be forced to read out loud while the other kids are making fun of them, and the teacher should have taken your conceens on board, but unfortunately, by encouraging your dd to refuse in front of the whole class, I think you've actually drawn more attention to the lisp and increased the risk of teasing.

Or the adult in the room could act like an adult (and a teacher) and stamp down hard on bullying, thus allowing this child to practise her reading in a safe and supportive environment.

@AberforthDumbledoresGoat the way to handle it was to have the speech therapist advise that DD wasn’t to read aloud in school yet, as it interferes with the treatment plan.

That way it’s medical advice and they can’t ignore it.

Request a meeting with the head by email, copying in the governor contact. State that you have attempted to discuss this with the teacher but it has not been resolved.

You are unreasonable for tackling the wrong problem. And in effect creating a bigger problem.

I feel for your situation, but the problem isn't the reading aloud - the problem is the bullying.

You won't build your daughters confidence and ability by withdrawing her from the situation - she might not register it yet, and just be happy about not doing it, but you are 100% reinforcing the idea that there is something to hide or be ashamed of. And you are also undermining the teacher's authority and lesson. As someone who has taught - I would not ever want a parent overriding my authority in class, and telling their students to directly disobey me.

However, the teacher sounds awful here, because the problem isn't the reading. And by focusing on the reading, you risk failing to tackle the bigger problem. You risk having the school focus on whether she should/shouldn't read, which you will likely loose, and the teacher will likely be backed.

The problem is the bullying. That is 100% the fault of the teacher. It is her responsibility to foster the atmosphere of the class and manage situations like this. She should have been on it from the minute she heard your daughter lisp, and saw other kids react. Class time should be spent on physical issues like this, and words should be being had with those students who laughed. etc.

If you focus on the bullying, you have a solid standing and I'm sure you can get the school on board with enough hassle and fighting...

But insisting she doesn't read is likely a loosing battle that will just isolate her from the teacher further.

Yanbu, I would be writing a strongly worded email to the school

You’re not unreasonable at all for being cross and trying to advocate for your DD. But - kindly - you handled it badly, in that I bet that now, in the eyes of the school, you and your DD are now the problem rather than the teacher. And it’s clearly this teacher who is causing the issue, by failing to prevent bullying in her class. As others have said, escalate. Ask to see the Head. If the Head refuses to see you, write a formal letter to her, copied to the Chair of Governors, confirming that you have asked to speak to her about concerns about a staff member failing to act in the face of bullying and not promoting inclusion in the classroom and that she has refused to speak to you….

Can your child get speech therapy for this?
I’m just thinking that the refusal to read is not a long-term solution.

I work in FE and if a learner is referred for addsupport (which includes anxiety) a plan us produced and as a teacher we follow it, so occasionally it might say "do not ask X to read outloud" "Do not ask X a question in front of the class" So we accommodate the learner to get to their full potential. I understand that each child in school has eventually to do a speaking and listening exam which includes a presentation, which is a great skill but plenty of time for that later. Good luck.

and she does speech therapy

Unfortunately @AberforthDumbledoresGoat what you need to do is get her on the SEN register for SaLT, get her an Educational Plan ‘EP’ (or the equivalent at your child’s school) and get ‘no cold calling’ and ‘no reading out loud’ as reasonable adjustments on it.

Gone are the days we could just have a conversation with a teacher and they listened and acted upon it. I was forced to do the above for my child and they are now protected from changing teachers each year, new teachers who are inexperienced in speech and language needs and having to go through this again and again. It also gives me the ability to challenge them if they don’t follow the EP.