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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD not to read out loud in class if she doesn’t want to?

376 replies

AberforthDumbledoresGoat · 13/10/2025 06:31

DD has a lisp. It has greatly improved as she’s gotten older but it is still very noticeable and she’s quite young still (primary). She struggles with ‘th’ and ‘f’ and can be quite self conscious about it, particularly around her classmates.

Her teacher has started having the class read out loud whichever book they are reading that week. Each child speaks until she says ‘stop.’

Recently DD was incredibly upset when I met her at the gates (she saw me and burst into tears and was quite hysterical). Her classmates had laughed at her in class and the teacher had ignored it other than to ask for quiet and the bullying had continued all day. I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

So, I told DD she was to refuse to read out loud if she doesn’t want to. She did exactly that - cue exasperated teacher at the gates asking to speak to me. The teacher absolutely refused to understand that embarrassing DD in front of her classmates was counterproductive and she ended up saying it was causing her problems as other children were now refusing to read out loud.

I did lose my temper slightly and pointed out if she had taken action, and addressed the classmates laughing at DD in class over her lisp, that this wouldn’t have been an issue. I also said I didn’t care if other children were disrupting the class by refusing to read.

WIBU to have told her to refuse to read given how upset she was?

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 13/10/2025 06:50

My DD had (still has, but its barely noticeable now) selective mutism. Onevof the reasons it improved was no one ever pressured her at school. She never had to read aloud, or talk in a play etc until she was ready.

The class teacher sounds like they need training for speech issues and bullying management.

Doodlingsquares · 13/10/2025 06:51

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:39

If you don’t want your child to participate in lessons as they are then remove your child from the school. Parents don’t get to dictate what goes on in the classroom.

If I were that teacher, you and your child would receive nothing else in terms of support.

If you would remove all support you gave a child over an action their parent took you are a poor teacher. There are plenty of annoying and vexatious parents out there, as a teacher its your professional duty to focus on the needs of the child.
The initial bullying incident was handled very poorly by this teacher

Zapx · 13/10/2025 06:52

Goshgoshgosh · 13/10/2025 06:43

I think the first step should have been the school to stop the children laughing at your daughter and to have a conversation with the class, when she isn’t there to tell them to stop. If possible, she should be encouraged to speak, so she can be accepting of herself. I understand that you’re at the stage where you are saying she shouldn’t have to though. I would speak to head of key stage or assistant head about it.

Just out of interest, if a child had a physical disability such that they found running really difficult and were obviously at a disadvantage to their peers, would you encourage them to run in front of others eg at sports day if they didn’t want to?

ThejoyofNC · 13/10/2025 06:53

YANBU if have done exactly the same thing. Not a chance I'm forcing my child to do something that's embarrassing and causes her to be bullied. What other kids do isn't my concern.

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:54

Baital · 13/10/2025 06:44

The answer to an incompetent teacher is not to remove the child, but to address the incompetence.

Here the teacher has failed to understand the child's struggles, failed to consider other options, and failed to address bullying.

The parent should absolutely raise their concerns with the school.

Show quote history

Yes, they should have raised a concern, not told their child to go in, be disruptive and cause a row.

PollyBell · 13/10/2025 06:54

Zapx · 13/10/2025 06:52

Just out of interest, if a child had a physical disability such that they found running really difficult and were obviously at a disadvantage to their peers, would you encourage them to run in front of others eg at sports day if they didn’t want to?

Show quote history

The original child can speak although has troubles, a child can attempt to run they dont have to be an olympic sprinter

a child who cannot speak at all would not be asked to speak, a child physically not able to run at all would not be asked to try

Zapx · 13/10/2025 06:54

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:54

Yes, they should have raised a concern, not told their child to go in, be disruptive and cause a row.

Show quote history

The OP did raise a concern.

SlashBeef · 13/10/2025 06:55

There are other ways of promoting oracy in the classroom. If your daughter were in my class, I'd plan for some choral reading opportunities so she had a chance to speak along with everyone else. The bullying absolutely wouldn't be tolerated.
Ask for a meeting with the teacher and head.

menopausalmare · 13/10/2025 06:56

Why didn't you email the teacher initially? If the teacher knew in advance, they wouldn't have asked your daughter to read aloud, she wouldn't have been upset and no meetings needed. Her refusal doesn't look good for her and puts the teacher in a bad position in front of the class.

RoseAlone · 13/10/2025 06:56

AberforthDumbledoresGoat · 13/10/2025 06:38

I gently raised it with the school and asked that she not be asked to speak as, in my eyes, embarrassing her in front of 20 other children is not going to help her lisp and I just don’t think you do that to a young child. The teacher said no.

From my OP.

Show quote history

AFTER telling your daughter to refuse to read.
You set her up and made the whole thing much worse.

Reading aloud is a very important skill, avoiding it is doing her a disservice. It's the laughing that's the issue.

You need to apologise to your daughter for giving her bad advice, not supporting her, not building her confidence sufficiently so that she's able to do such things, losing your temper with her teacher and comp setting her up in front of her entire class.

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 13/10/2025 06:57

You’ve encouraged her not to speak. So she just doesn’t ever speak because of her lisp? She either builds resilience or you’re encouraging her to lose her voice.

Gemstonebeach · 13/10/2025 06:58

The way your DD has been treated is awful and you should escalate it. My daughter is slower at processing and being asked to read aloud from a text she didn’t know well would be extremely distressing to her.

Fargo79 · 13/10/2025 06:59

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:39

If you don’t want your child to participate in lessons as they are then remove your child from the school. Parents don’t get to dictate what goes on in the classroom.

If I were that teacher, you and your child would receive nothing else in terms of support.

That's ridiculous. Of course you don't have to accept any and everything that happens at a school 🙄 And a decent school would not expect this either. A collaborative relationship is important.

Sounds like it's a very good job you're not teaching OP's child. Let's hope you're not a teacher at all because your suggestion of withdrawing support is wildly unprofessional and unethical.

Zapx · 13/10/2025 06:59

PollyBell · 13/10/2025 06:54

The original child can speak although has troubles, a child can attempt to run they dont have to be an olympic sprinter

a child who cannot speak at all would not be asked to speak, a child physically not able to run at all would not be asked to try

Show quote history

Okay, they were asked, and they didn’t want to. They have a disability . If you were naturally disadvantaged at something, would you appreciate being made to do this one thing, repeatedly, in front of all your colleagues? It’s clearly not for the child’s benefit - they ended up sobbing and hysterical- not exactly known for their markers in encouraging educational progress.

ZebraPyjamas · 13/10/2025 07:00

BogRollBOGOF · 13/10/2025 06:40

It's the children laughing that's the core issue that needs to be dealt with, not the reading.

Agree with this. Reading aloud with the right support should help to build your child’s confidence. Obviously that won’t happen if the teacher does nothing about the children that are laughing so that’s your issue here.

edited to add, I voted YABU because of the position you put your child in telling them to refuse to read when the teacher asked. That’s very uncomfortable for your child. You should have escalated to head teacher (or whatever procedure is in your school) when the teacher did nothing to address the laughing

ZebraPyjamas · 13/10/2025 07:01

Zapx · 13/10/2025 06:59

Okay, they were asked, and they didn’t want to. They have a disability . If you were naturally disadvantaged at something, would you appreciate being made to do this one thing, repeatedly, in front of all your colleagues? It’s clearly not for the child’s benefit - they ended up sobbing and hysterical- not exactly known for their markers in encouraging educational progress.

Show quote history

A lisp is not a physical disability!

BunnyLake · 13/10/2025 07:01

CopperWhite · 13/10/2025 06:39

If you don’t want your child to participate in lessons as they are then remove your child from the school. Parents don’t get to dictate what goes on in the classroom.

If I were that teacher, you and your child would receive nothing else in terms of support.

Did you do your teacher training in a Dickensian work house?

Zapx · 13/10/2025 07:01

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 13/10/2025 06:57

You’ve encouraged her not to speak. So she just doesn’t ever speak because of her lisp? She either builds resilience or you’re encouraging her to lose her voice.

Encouraging her not to speak, and giving her permission to not repeatedly demonstrate her disability to a class full of her peers are not remotely comparable.

Pricelessadvice · 13/10/2025 07:02

Reading aloud is an important skill.
The issue is the bullying from other kids that wasn’t addressed. Surely your daughter refusing to read out loud in class just draws more attention to her? This needs sorting properly. The kids in class need serious consequences for their behaviour towards her.

Please don’t encourage her not to speak. Selective muteness can become a real issue.

MyDeftDuck · 13/10/2025 07:02

The problem isn’t the fact that your DD has a lisp …… the problem is the fact that the teacher seems incapable of pointing out to the other pupils that no one is ‘perfect’ (and please don’t misinterpret my comment, I am not criticising the OP DD) The teacher should be encouraging the children to see beyond differences in people and accept one another for who they are…….not taking the fucking piss out of a child who has a speech problem. It must be wonderful to be a perfect pupil at that school……give all the bullying little shits a gold star….NOT! That teacher is actively encouraging the rest of the class to bully the OP DD simply because she has a lisp…….thus she is a bully herself! Shame on that teacher! 😡

Fargo79 · 13/10/2025 07:02

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 13/10/2025 06:57

You’ve encouraged her not to speak. So she just doesn’t ever speak because of her lisp? She either builds resilience or you’re encouraging her to lose her voice.

Being bullied does not build resilience.

Being encouraged to overcome personal difficulties in a supportive environment is one thing. Being forced to be vulnerable in an environment where you are bullied for your differences is quite another.

babyproblems · 13/10/2025 07:02

I think she should have the choice given what’s happened. It’s not forever - it’s for now.
Teacher sounds a bit lacking to me. Perhaps if she’d handled it better that day, it wouldn’t be such a big issue now?
I would allow your dd to refuse for now. I would however work on it all as much as possible so when she goes to secondary she is capable of reading aloud confidently. Xo

babyproblems · 13/10/2025 07:03

I think she should have the choice given what’s happened. It’s not forever - it’s for now.
Teacher sounds a bit lacking to me. Perhaps if she’d handled it better that day, it wouldn’t be such a big issue now?
I would allow your dd to refuse for now. I would however work on it all as much as possible so when she goes to secondary she is capable of reading aloud confidently. Xo

RolyPolyHolyMolyIAmTheOneAndOnly · 13/10/2025 07:04

As SLT I would be implementing a PIP for this teacher, with mandated training and KIPs around inclusion. Such poor, outdated and damaging practice.
YANBU. At all.

SevenYellowHammers · 13/10/2025 07:04

PermanentTemporary · 13/10/2025 06:35

Argh what a mess. I think ask for a meeting with the head teacher and the teacher. You are right that the bullying should have been jumped on. I am a fan of teachers promoting oracy but not in a way that terrifies the children.

Im v old but in my day a lot of the public speaking we did was actually in pairs or groups

OP is definitely being reasonable in requesting a small firebreak for this situation. Longer term, more support for child, she’s going to need to talk! There’s nothing wrong with a lisp anyway. The kids that teased her need educating about this and punishing if it reoccurs. Teachers are being bullied and micromanaged and the kids are getting brunt of it . And yes, paired oracy and reading with a nicer pupil would be good . Poor mum and kid ! I really wouldn’t recommend a school gate conversation though. Make an appointment!