To leave DH and kids to do this

[Youcannotbeseriou]

13 years ago I got married and I gave up my dream career to raise two DCs. DH was desperate for kids, I wasn’t hugely bothered. Fast fwd to now, everyone is happy apart from me.
However, I have been offered a place on a masters conversion course that would see me into a new career.
Trouble is all the universities that offer these courses are at least a 3 hour drive away. They are full time training courses 4/ 5 days a week. I already work part time in the field and love it and know I’ll love it as a qualified professional, but for 2 years it could mean living away from everyone mid week. I’m late 40s so time isn’t on my side to wait.

DH made clear he/ they are staying put. I don’t want to leave them, but I’m so unhappy at the moment as have no career and hate where we live. This would mean I can at least have a career I love again.

yabu- don’t be ridiculous, you have commitments and children. You can’t do this conversion course for 2 years away from them.
yanbu- they’ll be fine and adapt for 2 years. Go for it!

Dont do it, your children should come first, but perhaps since your posting on here you have already made your decision and want justification, your relationship with them will never recover

I totally agree with this! ⬆️👍
edited to add: you only get 1 chance @ life. Wishing you every success.🙂

It'll be fine! Other way round, but I'm at home with ds (10yo) by myself for 10 MONTHS of the year because of Dh's job. There are plenty of families in the armed forces that are apart for extended periods over the years, no one bats an eyelid - usually because it's the man thats absent though.... Good old misogyny is still alive and well unfortunately when it comes to the mother having the temerity to advance herself. Good luck!

As others have said, you’ll just be away in the week during term times. If DP is all for it, absolutely go for it. And you’ll be done in time for when your children are nearing the stages of needing help with their education and career choices.

This.

Are you are prepared to completely lose any type of lasting relationship with your children and DH? don’t do it!

Oh, give over 🤣.

That’s so silly, they’ll get a lot out of it. She wont be there monday to thursday for 28 weeks a year - separated by Easter, a long summer and Christmas. Every weekend will be exciting because mum’s home. They’ll see a fulfilled mum taking opportunities that lead to a better life and career. They see their mum graduate. Then they get to go through the process themselves, inspired and guided by her.

Exactly - armed forces, off shore workers - it’s not unique or uncommon, but it’s usually men so that’s fine for them of course!

@Youcannotbeseriou I worked away from home a lot all through my daughter's childhood. I would leave early Mon am and be back late on Thursday; WFH Friday: and it was never a problem.
Admittedly it's a bit different as I was the primary breadwinner at the time. It is feasible, but you do need your OH to be on board.

Also my current employer is wanting me to return as a qualified practitioner and I love the team and company.

Could you explore options to get the qualification on a part time basis while also working part-time?. Your employer might allow you (probably unpaid) study leave, and you might be able to do a lot of the studying remotely, only attending in person from time to time?

I think you would be mad to pass up this opportunity, which may not come again. As someone has said, university terms can be short, although some MAs do run all year and you will need to check this. Mine stopped at Easter so the final term could be spent writing up the dissertation, in your case, at home. If your employer is serious about wanting you back I would jump at it. It will also be an opportunity for your DH to build his relationship with your DCs. A word of warning though, don't expect everything to be the same when you slot back into homelike. University education changes you and it may be that that is what your DH fears most.

That's unfair, she's just saying how she felt. There's nothing overly dramatic about that at all.

Do it!
Your husband is VERY unreasonable!
He could relocate so that you can go to uni and return home each night… he’s being unreasonable saying no without even looking into it!…. Your kids are at an age where you could move with minimal disruption to their schooling. (before seniors and GCSE’s etc.)

Think of it this way…. If he left tomorrow - what pension would you have? What career options would you have?

It’s so unfair that women are always expected to give up careers, pensions, financial independence ….

The kids are at an age soon where they’ll be out with mates, or in their rooms all evening anyway, and you can come home weekends AND have school holidays off with them…

So basically doing everything? I hate how this is painted as a compromise.

A lot can happen in 2 years! It’s all well and good then saying they’d give you a job! However, 1 their HR department will insist any post is advertised, so no guarantee you’d get it. 2, the company may have gone bust, been taken over by another company, restructured! So do t bank on them having a job for you unless they are funding you to do the course!

It's not something I'd choose to do, though I know many families have parents working away and the kids are fine. I've got younger kids and can't picture being away from them so long, but perhaps I would once they're older. DH made a decision to stop working away once dd1 was born so he's never had to spend a night away from them - it was a decision he made partly because he knew he'd miss the dcs, and partly so I wouldn't be parenting solo. So not all men do just make these decisions without a second thought. And I've made career decisions which have been a compromise because I wouldn't consider a career which involved being away from my dcs for long periods, but that still left plenty of options and study opportunities that gave me a chance for an enjoyable and lucrative career.

Do her husband has to move for her? And because he’s not prepared to he’s being unreasonable! Yet she basically wants to dump her children on him, play at being a student and she’s not unreasonable! I can guarantee this will go one of 2 ways, she’ll drop out or her marriage will end, which is perhaps what she actually wants!

Relocate for a 2 year course?! So change the school(s) and all the children’s friends?! And move back when OP finishes her course and goes back to her employer??

Ridiculous!

I wfh and wouldn’t be moving for DH to do a course

Your children aren't babies, they'll understand mummy is at 'school' and you can always go back for weekends, half terms etc. DH will manage - think of all the time through the past 50 years where the father might work away and come home periodically, no one ever slates them for it. You CAN do this. You'll miss those babies, but in it's going to be worth it long-term.

i think she can expect to be divorced by the end! Just because her employer says they want her back doesn’t mean they will! A lot can happen in 2 years, restructure, take over or insolvency!

I HRHT, but I'd say go for it if the kids are comfortable with it (and possibly if they aren't). As a PP said, you're talking about 28 weeks a year, possibly less with reading weeks (depending on course). What does the timetable look like? If you have Weds afternoons off (many course do) you could even go back for a cinema night and up early Thurs morning for first lecture most weeks. That takes it down to potentially three school nights away, when they're at the age they're unlikely to be spending quality time with you after school anyway. Congrats on taking the step to do what will fulfill you ❤️

If you were a man, would you even think twice?
Do it.

If it’s for any kind of applied health professional I wouldn’tt, and sounds like it may be.

Do it! No-one would bat an eyelid if a husband worked away Monday to Friday, besides it's not all year and it's not permanent.

Do it, do it, do it!