To leave DH and kids to do this

[Youcannotbeseriou]

13 years ago I got married and I gave up my dream career to raise two DCs. DH was desperate for kids, I wasn’t hugely bothered. Fast fwd to now, everyone is happy apart from me.
However, I have been offered a place on a masters conversion course that would see me into a new career.
Trouble is all the universities that offer these courses are at least a 3 hour drive away. They are full time training courses 4/ 5 days a week. I already work part time in the field and love it and know I’ll love it as a qualified professional, but for 2 years it could mean living away from everyone mid week. I’m late 40s so time isn’t on my side to wait.

DH made clear he/ they are staying put. I don’t want to leave them, but I’m so unhappy at the moment as have no career and hate where we live. This would mean I can at least have a career I love again.

yabu- don’t be ridiculous, you have commitments and children. You can’t do this conversion course for 2 years away from them.
yanbu- they’ll be fine and adapt for 2 years. Go for it!

If you're so unhappy and you don't do it you'll regret it and start to feel even more resentful. So in the long run you won't be doing anyone any favours by giving up this opportunity. A happy Mum and wife is a better Mum and wife.
I have no idea how old your kids are or what your financial situation is, but maybe you could employ someone to help with the kids and the household when you're gone. A full time course and full-on family (and household) on the weekend is going to be tough going.
Good luck with it all!

Oh just don’t bother having children. Seriously. Me, me and me again.

Go for it 2 years isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things. If you don't you will always be thinking what if ? The children are coming to an age when they've got their own interests and university terms aren't that long anyway and you'll be home weekends. Good luck.

If your career is psychology late 40s is absolutely fine. Hope that helps

Source where you could live and the cost. Explain to the children what could happen and how long it would mean you'll be away. The children can speak to you on WhatsApp . Work out for yourself how many days in a week/month you'll be away so they can comprehend. Remind your husband what this course will mean to your future. Then gently remind him you covered him when he worked away and that the cost to you is negligible . Do it you! will always regret not doing it.

Just as another perspective, my dad worked away for 2 weeks out of every month for my entire childhood and I don’t think any of us children felt hard done by. When he was home he was a very involved parent and we did lots of things together as a family. It was just how life was. It did help that my mum was (at least for my early childhood) a stay at home mum so we always had a parent at home.

Go for it.

I agree

If the roles here were reversed and it was a man posting that he wanted to work/study away mid week for 2 years, he'd be praised for trying to better himself and improving the family finances with a better career.
Why is this any different? Because she's a mother? Fuck off with that shite, she's just as much right to do this for her own happiness than a man does. If you couldn't be away from your kids then thats on you, she's doing this for them and shouldn't be put down for it.
Go for it OP, they'll survive and you'll all be better off for it.

When you are not there, there is no mum in the home.

A mum can be a dad; millions of single UK woman play both roles and make a fine job of it. And if they're not lone parents, they're often making up for the useless/uncaring/irritable parenting of the household male.

Unless you're married to an exceptional male, a dad can not be a mum, not even close.

Kids need their mum.

Plenty of dad's so it, so why not you? It's not like you'll be away for months on end, you'll be back weekends and out if term-time.

How sad.

You have more then 15 years after this course ends - time to enjoy your work. Let your children see mothers have a right to their life too. You'll be paid better, I imagine and more able to fund their futures. Teenagers are expensive and you'll want to save for the uni years.

Yes your relationship will change - Your children would realise that you are a whole person with desires and ambitions. Not just a Mum who exists to fulfil their every need (big or small.)
Go for it!

Really?
I know so many men who have worked Mon-Fri away from home.

Exactly. OPs husband worked away for weeks. I assume Op coped alone with much younger children.

This is an investment for OP AND her family. Two years will fly by, they have a job opportunity lined up.

I personally could never leave my kids and they are a lot older than yours. Its a shame you can't persuade your husband to move near the university.

Often universities have an afternoon "off" per week. Could you see if that is the case. You could then come home, say after lunch Weds, pick up from school and do something with them, then go back very early the next day. My commute to work weekly is 3 hours plus each way so do-able.

Your kids are quite young to leave them. If you go, you risk them feeling you abandoned them, but I understand your wanting to do this. Is there no way you could study from home? Maybe through Open University or zoom lectures? Have you discussed with the uni you're looking at and explained your situation? I'd consider all options before making a decision as the implications will affect your kids and your husband. Is he supportive of you moving away alone?

Just want to point out that some careers are incompatible with childcare. Mine is on hiatus for now because I would be unable to plan childcare around it. Not everyone gets to work 9-5 Monday-Friday. No coercion, my DH always had a higher salary anyway.

I hope you go for it OP. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity. You have support from your employer, you mention bursaries and other financial support, plus an offer of promoted/expanded job with same employer at the end.
As many other PPs have pointed out: it's only 3-days p/wk contact-time & away from home; it's only 2-yrs; it's term-time only (University term dates, at that); you can always get home for special school events / emergencies.

Your children are old enough to be able to deal positively with this and benefit from the achieving, "can do", role-model you demonstrate to them.
To make this adventure a resounding success, a celebration both of your own personal development and the mutually supportive strength of your marriage, much will rest on a willing, supportive attitude from your DH.

He's had your support throughout your 15yrs together, including having & rearing your DSs. DH now works from home. He's there. He can do it.
This is a growth opportunity for you, for your relationship with DH, and for the family as a whole.

I hope DH will support you.

Even if you have to spend one weekend-day every week batch-cooking (🙄),
it is more than worth it. You know this.

Oh, btw, I retrained (p/time evenings & w/ends for 4yrs) whilst in full-time/very full-on employment & prior to retirement. I'm still active in my new(er) self-employed role. I'm still not ready to retire. 79.
GO FOR IT!

It sounds like it could be possible given the ages of the children but I don’t think I’d want to do it at the same time the youngest transitions to secondary as that feels like it could be quite a challenging time Emotionally for them. I think you’d have a toss up between doing it when youngest is in year 8 but not being as present during GCSE’s for oldest or doing it now when the youngest might still want you re pre teen emotions etc. It will cost a lot and potentially be detrimental to your family so you have to weigh up the costs versus benefits. The benefits may be worth it if you know it will lead to higher paid employment you love and it isn’t just a pipe dream. Be very critical and objective over this.

if you do it, I’d try to make sure you were coming home for weekends as a minimum and possibly even throw in a midweek commute depending on what the timetable actually looks like. If you are 9-5 5 days a week there is going to be no point coming home for an hour or two mid week but if you have any shorter days, it would be feasible to commute back. Likewise if you nominally have a 9-5 but a lot of it is course work.

As pp have already pointed out, it’s not 7 days a week for 2 whole years.
It would be a great demonstration to your children that parents can work together to ensure that they can achieve a good life at home and fulfill their potential.
I would suggest a family meeting so that the children can raise any worries they have about the arrangement and strategies put in place to ensure their fears are put at ease.
You will be back before GCSE time and if your employer, DC and DH are on board then I wish you every success.

Do it.
I won’t lie, it won’t be easy for you or the kids but it’s better than staying at home and being very unhappy (you sound it anyway).
my mum went to uni as a single mum in her late 30s and left me with grandparents for the first year. I missed her badly (I was 9) but I never resented her and I was proud. She took me with her for the remainder of the time because she was able to get a flat rather than staying in halls.
I know what she sacrificed and what guilt she felt and in those days women weren’t really doing what she did so she faced stigma, too.
Since then I know plenty of women who have done the same and I’m sure the mum guilt is probably still there but the social stigma isn’t quite as strong. However It’s such a bloody double standard when we don’t bat an eyelid at men working away yet women doing to same still elicits surprise.
I didn’t go to uni after school but when I was 39 I embarked on an OU honours degree. Mum was my biggest supporter along with my DS. my marriage had ended and husband had said previously that me studying alongside being a mother and working was not going to happen.
anyway now I have my honours degree, my DS and mum are very proud and my DS talks and thinks about his future academic career and he knows that anything is possible with hard work and support from your loved ones. I hope that your husband will support you on this. Good luck x

I did a course like this I suspect the same profession if not a very similar one. If it is what I think it is not exactly a typical degree in arrangement and intensity.
I would say talk to current students if you can because although the expectation may be 4-5 full days a week it may not be the case all the time and likely to be blocks of full weeks but also study and placement.

I would say doable and worth it in the short term. There were lots of people with kids, partners at home, juggling jobs etc. Although I would worry about your team definitely having the budget/vacancy offer a job once qualified.