Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

Put off moving in together for another year, the older two will probably be around less then and the “spare room” can be for either of them at that point.

Or just not have their own official room but grab a use of whoever's room is currently unoccupied, or a sofa-bed in the living room?

I know technically the adults are sharing too, but they have chosen that - as most adults in committed couples do. In reality, each individual child is a unit and the couple are also one unit, so 5 units each preferring their own bedroom in a 4-bedroom house.

So who should miss out on having their own bedroom and instead having to make do with whatever is available and spare? Is it the unit that has actively decided to change the circumstances to make it into 5 units having to share 4 rooms, or one of the units that hasn't had any say in choosing that at all?

Wow so many vitriolic comments.

OP would this work?

DD has her own room with her stuff but during term times the DSS19 sleeps there when he stays over once a week. During holidays DSS19 shares with his brother for the once a week.

Your DS and the younger DSS have their own bedrooms. DSS19 keeps his stuff in younger DSS room (would be not much stuff anyway I guess).

Good luck and enjoy your new home.

Also, I wondered what all the children would want? They're old enough to understand that there's 3 bedrooms to share between 4...

If you make her hot desk her bedroom, it’s not her bedroom. It’s not her home.

It’s the only way !

Goodness me , I've scanned the comments and I think in some cases you're getting such a hard time.
I know of many situations where the children in blended families are happier all living together. The house has more going on and is fun and sociable. They are learning from one another, broadening their social circle with each other's friends and building relationships as a family for the future.
The logistics in this case are a bit tricky but you'll find a way to work it out.
Happy parents are important too.

True, but I think I can guess what they will all try to say, to justify having/keeping a room of their own.

The thing is, though, that they usually haven't (and often would never have) chosen that for themselves. Accepting it isn't the same as wanting it.

How would you feel if your next-door neighbours told you they'd decided to knock through between your houses to make one big shared house, so there's much more going on and it's more fun and sociable, and you can all learn from one another and broaden your social circle with each other's friends?

That's kind of how an awful lot of children would essentially feel.

Yes some will feel like this too. I see your point.
I think in some cases though it is an improvement from the current situation which also probably wasn't their first choice either eg. just one parent and child , now sister has left , the house could feel empty...or money is tight for remaining parent due to all household costs, or they actually enjoy the step parent company etc. I suppose it's all individual and depends on personality and circumstances.

You have a few options here.

Dont move in together yet
Buy a five bed house in a cheaper location
Buy a four bed house with a second reception room that can be converted to a bedroom.
DSS share a larger room than the other DC get.

In which case, why are you even considering it? If you can't afford 5 bedrooms then you can't afford to live together. Stay as you are for now. Assuming all of your children have their own rooms now, why should they suddenly have to share or lose their privacy because you and your partner want to live together? Alternatively you might need to compromise in other areas, to be able to afford 5 bedrooms, such as buying in a different location. The children may get along now, but living together is different, sharing rooms is different and you might find that they struggle with the sudden changes. His sons are the only ones who can share and they may (understandably) resent losing their rooms at the expense of your DC. Even the idea of DD having a room that someone else uses in her absence, means that she can't really regard it as her own - especially if the other person using it is an unrelated male.

I can understand where your partner is coming from, they're his children and equally as important as yours. People saying let them share, however, your daughter is away to uni and at term time will not be there, the boys will come each week. It's also their home, albeit not their main one.
Talk to the children all together, welcome their views. They might come up with solutions and the boys could be happy to share so all this stress will be for nothing.
Look at houses with large rooms so you have the opportunity to make another bedroom.
A room in the garden?

Hope it works out for you all.

Certainly the least expensive 😂

@soniiaa are any of the bedrooms big enough to be two small ones?

Any chance of building a garden room?

Dd18 needs her room, ds11&16 can share ds 19 gets his room but put him in a « game room » for both ds11&16 to have access to when he isn’t there…that will calm the ad-hoc (you aren’t an hotel) as you do have kids living full time there. He can certainly come and crash when he wants but he can’t have a room for him for that…

then when he moves out, or his coming is more sparse, his room can be one of the boys…

Has to be his boys. They are both close in age and boys so of course it has to be them. Plus from what you have put there is a lot of time when they won’t both be in the hpise at the same time anyway.

You're suggesting that the two who are there most often (and who are unrelated) share. That means that a lot of the time they would be sharing whilst two rooms sat empty.

Imagine being 18 finishing your first term at uni and having nowhere to go as your mother had moved in with her boyfriend and doesn't have a room for you.

Maybe don’t move in together? Does your need for cock override the welfare of your kids?

What a gross way to talk.
I doubt sex is only achievable by buying a house together either.

I think this is a great idea. Hope you find something that works, and I think you are entirely justified in buying a house with your partner! Wishing you all the best @soniiaa

@soniiaa I agree with this poster. Your DS and Your DD really do need their own rooms.Half the year or so, your DD will be home full time and it's crazy that your DP's Sons can't share. From what you said, they will only very occasionally need to share the room. If they got the biggest room, could it be partitioned?

Maybe ask the kids how they might suggest sorting things out between them?

Sorry, by the way that you are getting such a hard time on here from certain quarters.

The child is 19 and has a bedroom at his mum's, and comes one night a week.