Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

My daughter's would have done as well. But back to a shared room

One of his sons is 19 though, and must have another bedroom somewhere else because he's sleeping in it six nights a week, so he needs a room much less than the OP's DD does.

Yes, that's absolutely fine. A shared room with a sister is no problem. Thing is, this girl just has a brother and step brothers.

Yes, that's a good point.

Dont think anyone has suggested she shares with any of the boys when she's there

I shared a room until I left home.
When I went to uni, my bed was thrown away. I slept on a mattress on the floor.
I am scarred for life.
(Clearly not true.)
People do the best they can.
Having five bedrooms, most of which are empty most of the time, is hard to justify, especially when children are almost adults and won't need them in a handful of years.
Maybe discuss solutions with the kids themselves.
They may surprise you.

@soniiaa Have you asked your partner where he thinks your DD should sleep during the holidays?

Get him to spell out exactly how he sees it working if his sons each have a room of their own.

If his sons each have a room of their own, and you have a room, that leaves one room left for your 11 year old DS who lives there all the time and your 18 year old DD who doesn't have anywhere else to go during the holidays.

Does he think that your DS, the only child who lives there full time, shouldn't have a bedroom of his own?

Does he think that your 18 year old DD shouldn't be able to come home in the holidays?

Does he think that your 18 year old DD, who is an adult woman who has gone through puberty, has a fully developed adult female body and menstruates once a month, should spend almost half the year sharing a bedroom with an 11 year old boy who will soon start going through puberty himself?

Why does he think these options are more appropriate than his 19 year old son, who has another bedroom somewhere nearby, sharing a bedroom with his 16 year old brother once a week max?

Everyone should have a bed, so your DS gets his own room as he’s there practically fulltime. Your dd gets her own room as she is a different gender to her sibling. Your dps sons share but they get the largest bedroom. Your DDs room is the single bedroom.
Your dds room could also double up as the ‘guest’ room incase family come to stay.
if your dp won’t agree hold off moving for another 3 years and see where everyone is as a lot will change for the older 3 in the next few years.

I wouldn’t move in together yet. You need to prioritise your kids here. Maybe once your DD has left uni and you know what her next steps are you can have another look.

Why on earth would they?!

Find a different house

Is the 4 bed a semi or detached? If yes then have you looked at terraces so you might be able to afford more bedrooms? I where I live there is lots of victorian housing so you can get a 6 bed terrace that is the same price as 4 beds in the area but no drive or large garden. In your situation I think you need to consider prioritising bedrooms above all else

This is exactly what I was going to suggest!

Because that’s what they currently have before they are being forced to live with people they aren’t related to, so after they are mage to live with other people, it seems more important for them to have their own private, personal space.

Why? Why can’t you delay things? Your kids come first, no?

They aren't " forced" 2 of the boys actually live with their mother the majority of the time. Both the DD and eldest DS are adults and can choose to live where they like

The 11 year old is the only one with no choice

I knew someone and her children who moved in with her boyfriend and his children. They also went on to have a child together. It was a three bed house. His eldest daughter, who's home it had always been, was relegated to sleeping in the conservatory.

Not the same . The place they are buying has never been home for any kids involved here

The eleven year old and the sixteen year old get their own rooms. The 2 x eighteen plus share the third room, which you furnish to accommodate two at a pinch so that they won't clash on dates.

I don’t think it’s appropriate for any of those children to share with each other. Can you keep looking for a 5 bed? Or maybe somewhere with an attached garage you could convert? Or somewhere with a box room? A friend of mine converted her box room by building a mezzanine bed in it. It was a double bed but a bit shorter than average- was a very cool room for her teen!

The same applies to the OP's opposite sex children, neither of whom has a bedroom anywhere else.

So the DD is sleeping in a corridor at uni? Seeing as she has no room elsewhere

Isn't that a bit excessive, purely so that a 19 year old doesn't have to share a room with his 16 year old brother a maximum of once a week?

You do realise that uni is only 30 weeks a year, yes?

She will be sleeping in the house more than the 19 year old who only stays once a week.

Why do you HAVE to live together now. Wait a few years when all these kids would have moved on or settled into some other arrangement and then you will have lots of spare rooms for whoever visits.
Putting your kids through all this sharing and uncomfortable situations when they’re almost out the door is just selfishness on your part. Absolutely no need to shack up now.