Bedroom dilemma

[soniiaa]

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

Are you going to be giving the OP extra money to do so??

Realistically though his long would they really needs 5 bed house for? Surely not all of the kids will be living there for many more years

This 100% wait till one has completely moved out or most then move in together. You can actually still be married and live separately- it sounds like a devine set up to me! I don’t think there is a fair compromise otherwise.

I shared a bedroom with a sibling my whole life and when we went to uni the room was turned into a spare room we shared when home. I don’t understand why parents are so precious about ensuring uni aged kids have a bedroom at home still - they’re an adult who’s moved out and has a room elsewhere with their stuff. It’s too precious and not necessary to give a uni student their own bedroom.

Having loving parents who provide a warm, stable home life is the most important thing. Who shares what room is just a detail. If sharing a house takes off financial pressure and means you can be more present and available for your kids then do it.

DS 11 has his own room for now, DD has a room that is also designated as a spare room for guests or DSS options if they are both home when DD is not.

DSS share a room but have the option of using DD's room if she is not there.

Gosh, everyone is quick to jump on the poor op! Only on Mumsnet would you get 'why aren't you buying a 5 bed you selfish mare' 🤣

loads of sensible options on here good luck OP, you sound considerate of everyone and all 4 kids sound very lucky.

It sounds like you and DP are both trying to be great parents for your fledgling adult kids while combining your lives. You both want them to see this home as a stable, welcoming place that will allow for the same home visits you currently host. And you both make good points: DSS is home more regularly on a short term basis and it seems wrong to make him share a room while another room is unused; DD is home for longer, more spaced out stretches and can't share with any of the others.

It feels like the best solution is for that third bedroom to be reserved for whichever adult is "home" at the time. Neutrally decorated, but with space for both kids to leave things and for other overnight guests to use. Both DSS and DD presumably have a place they're spending most of their time at now for them to personalize. Your daughter compromises by not personalizing "her" room and your stepson compromises by ceding the room when she's home and bunking in his brother's room.

Yet another blended family where the welfare and happiness of the children is an afterthought.

Thing is, "someone" is her daughter. She has no other home - uni accommodation isn't exactly homely. When mine were at uni, they relaxed when they came home and were back in the family. I just think it's a bit tough if she has no base of her own because of her parents' choices.

I think a 'guest' bedroom set up for one room that can be used by uni kid and oldest boy . An extra bed in your partner's other son's room for his brother when your son is back for hols.

Obviously dp kids share as they are same sex and similar age
Obviously yours can't share ,they are a different sex
Anything else is crazy

Blended families are tricky and you don't want to leave anyone out. Some good options here OP, any of them sound workable?

My son went to uni
By third year he was burnt out and lived at home ,and 5 years later he's still here .
So dd needs a bedroom

DS11 gets permanent bedroom.
DPs DSs get largest room as theirs to share when needed as the only two DC who can reasonably share.
Third bedroom is decorated neutrally and acts like a hotel room. DD uses when home, either of DPs DSs use when she's away if they want a break from their shared room.

They all deserve their own room. It is very selfish of you to do this to any of them when in only a few years the problem would naturally resolve itself.

The kids don’t need you to be married or to move in together, so why should any of them make the sacrifice so that their selfish parents get what they want?

That’s tricky
I think you need to find a 5 bed house you can afford

Don't move in together until you have a plan that ensures all DC needs are equally met and no DC feel sidelined/2nd class.

You & DP are the instigators of this situation so you need to bd tak8ng some of the negatives, not putting them on your children. So instead of you having the biggest "master" bedroom you two have the 2nd biggest bedroom.

In the biggest bedroom, put a room divider bunk bed https://funkybunkbeds.com/product/room-divider-bunk-bed/
You then have 4 rooms for kids. I'd put the smallest child in the area of the biggest bedroom that has the top bunk bed, and assign the rest of the spaces with the most space going to the DC who is there most of the time and the smallest for the DC who is there least time

Can the biggest room have a divide added? Personally I would be waiting and saving to try and buy a 5 bed, or look for a 5 bed with room enough to split one

Hmm if either of my daughter's had gone to uni then the uni accomodation would've given them a room to themselves rather than having to share while at home

My son's uni room was perfectly homely. Why wouldn't it be

Wait how long? Within a couple of years at least one of the young adults is likely to have moved out full time. Leaves parents with a huge house to pay for.

Why do they " deserve" a room each? My DDs never had a room each. And they lived the full time with no bedroom elsewhere. Yet 3 of those " kids" have another room elsewhere.

So the 3 eldest have 2 rooms each if you get a 5 bed and only use them part time yet the 11 year old only has one room

His sons have to share. The 11 year old has to have his own room and your 18 year old daughter has to have her own room. There is no other solution and I wouldn't live with a man that couldn't see that.

So was my son's room. However. It was accommodation rather than a family home. We're never going to agree on this, so it's pointless, really. I just think that uni students could do with having a family home to come back to. My kids did, and benefitted.
Just my opinion.

That's what I would have thought as well. However, as you can see from the comments, it's divisive!
I do think there's a school of thought on here that as soon as your child turns 18, all responsibility ends, however, I still think they need space in a parental home.
It's a tricky one, though!

Your DS needs his own room because he's the only child who is there the whole time.

Your DD needs a room in the holidays and can't be expected to share with a much younger brother, or even worse, a stepbrother.

I think the only logical solution is that his sons share, but if they are ever both staying at the same time when your DD is not there, one of them could sleep in her room.

Could that work?