Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

322 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
Opal888 · 10/10/2025 00:09

This is terrible treatment of you. You are not in the wrong. I would continue to have her blocked and just dump the stuff after another month or two.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 00:09

I'd give her a definite time frame for sending you the money and if she doesn't send it, just give the clothes to a charity shop.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/10/2025 00:11

This person is not your friend.

LasVegass · 10/10/2025 00:12

What? She’s a CF.

ImustLearn2Cook · 10/10/2025 00:14

Wow! What an utter CF! She knows that she is in the wrong but she hopes she can get away with it by bullying you into paying it for her. Stand your ground.

VikaOlson · 10/10/2025 00:15

Tell her she can either send the money by the end of the month and you will post the bags, or you can drop them to someone in the same city as you or take them to charity - up to her.

imfabul0us · 10/10/2025 00:15

Tell her that she’s lucky you’re not charging her storage fees for her stuff.
She’s a really CF.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/10/2025 00:17

I would text her a brief message saying that if she wants you to post her stuff she'll have to send you the money first as you don't have the funds to sub her-give your bank details for clarity and to save you having to make any further replies. You could add that given the way she has spoken to you, you don't feel inclined to do her any favours, that storing her things is a big inconvenience and you'll be disposing of it all in 7 days if you haven't received money to pay for the postage.

ApricotCheesecake · 10/10/2025 00:18

Of course she should pay! Stand your ground OP.

TheM55 · 10/10/2025 00:22

Unbelievable. Have had to shake my head a few times. Friends / Family that leave their stuff at YOUR home and expect you to store it and take care of it minus -10 points. Friends / Family that then expect to repatriate it to wherever they are minus - 50 points. Friends / Family that do all this, but at your cost - unlimited minus points. Friends / Family that expect this and kick off when you (very reasonably) won't. Ignore forever, one chance to sort it from their end or it goes to the charity shop, tip or, if you have an attic and you are feeling VERY charitable, stuff it up there, and forget about it. Christ. What is it with some people.....

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 10/10/2025 00:29

Fuck that shit! Tell her she's got until 31 October to either put the full amount in your bank account or have arranged for somebody else - courier, friend, whatever - to have collected from you, otherwise the whole lot is merrily off to a charity shop.

The absolute cheeky fuckery!!!

BauhausOfEliott · 10/10/2025 00:30

Surely you must realise that she’s not really a friend? She’s just a bully who’s using you. Frankly, at this point I would have stuck all her crap on Vinted and blocked her.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 10/10/2025 00:31

DelphiniumBlue · 10/10/2025 00:17

I would text her a brief message saying that if she wants you to post her stuff she'll have to send you the money first as you don't have the funds to sub her-give your bank details for clarity and to save you having to make any further replies. You could add that given the way she has spoken to you, you don't feel inclined to do her any favours, that storing her things is a big inconvenience and you'll be disposing of it all in 7 days if you haven't received money to pay for the postage.

Yes, it certainly sounds like she needs a big old reminder that she is pissing you off and if she actually wants her stuff she can fucking well play nice nice.

PinkyFlamingo · 10/10/2025 00:32

Don't let yourself get any more upset by this awful woman. Please, she's not a friend. Give her a week to send you the money to post it (packing to remember) and tell her it's going to the charity shop if she doesn't give you money to do it. If she continues to abuse you just block her

AndSoFinally · 10/10/2025 00:32

Make sure you also account for customs fees as they often charge your card a second time when it gets there

AnastasiaBeeverhausen · 10/10/2025 00:33

Tell her to fuck off and take the clothes to a charity shop.

Newmeagain · 10/10/2025 00:36

What??? She sounds completely mad!! Why on earth would she think you should pay? Has she got form for being a bit unhinged and deluded about life?

Moveoverdarlin · 10/10/2025 00:38

Jane, these are your clothes and your problem. Why the fuck would I volunteer to spend £200 to post someone else’s clothes to another country? We’re friends but I’m not a total mug. I have been helping you out by storing them safely.

This is what is going to happen Jane. If you want the clothes, you need to transfer £200 in to my bank account and I will post them to you within 2 days. My cut off point is December 1st. If I haven’t received the money by then, they will be sent to the charity shop. Just remember Jane. Not my clothes, not my move to another country, not my problem.

CherrieTomaties · 10/10/2025 00:45

Id tell her:

“You’ve got 2 weeks to send me the £200 and I’ll get them shipped out to you. If not, I’ll be taking everything to the charity shop”.

If she protests or challenges it- just keep repeating the message.

The cheeky cow.

Onlycoffee · 10/10/2025 00:45

This is not your responsibility.

Make it clear if she really wants her stuff, she is going to have to pay. Give her a deadline and tell her you can't keep her things indefinitely, and if she doesn't pay for the delivery in advance including trackeing insurance, you will get rid of it all.

Also tell her that you're doing this as a kindness to her but you are not taking responsibility so she needs to also pay for insurance.

Make sure you have tracking and proof of delivery. Some countries it's recommended anyway.

To be honest I'd be making her get the quotes, you're not her secretary.

Get angry op, she's treated you poorly and you need to stand up to her.

FullOfLemons · 10/10/2025 00:53

I would ask her to arrange a courier to collect from either your property or the other friend

It puts the onus on the CF to arrange and pay

You have done enough.

MollyMollyMandy33 · 10/10/2025 00:55

Moveoverdarlin · 10/10/2025 00:38

Jane, these are your clothes and your problem. Why the fuck would I volunteer to spend £200 to post someone else’s clothes to another country? We’re friends but I’m not a total mug. I have been helping you out by storing them safely.

This is what is going to happen Jane. If you want the clothes, you need to transfer £200 in to my bank account and I will post them to you within 2 days. My cut off point is December 1st. If I haven’t received the money by then, they will be sent to the charity shop. Just remember Jane. Not my clothes, not my move to another country, not my problem.

Absolutely this.
Sorry OP, but this ‘friend’ is treating appallingly and is being totally bonkers. No way should you pay.

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 10/10/2025 00:56

I'd now tell her that she has lost all good will & she can arrange collection from my house (at a time that suits me) or they can stay exactly where they are until I can arrange for a charity to collect them.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 10/10/2025 00:57

At this point I think I’d just ignore her messages until you get one that tells you what time the courier she pays for will be collecting them.

Do you have a slightly damp loft you could put them in until then?

Vaxtable · 10/10/2025 01:00

I would send her a text saying that you did not say you would pay and you are amazed that after your generosity in holding the stuff for her she thinks you should

she need to send you the money to return the stuff to her by xx date, Imwould give up to 6 weeks, otherwise you will have to donate the stuff as you don’t have the room to store it indefinitely and you have contacted the other friend who also can’t afford to pay for it

then I would start to back away from the ‘friend’

Swipe left for the next trending thread