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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

322 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 10/10/2025 03:53

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 00:09

I'd give her a definite time frame for sending you the money and if she doesn't send it, just give the clothes to a charity shop.

Tell her you posted the stuff and then just…don’t. Give it to charity and tell her its out of your hands and you don’t know what happened to it.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 10/10/2025 03:55

Is there maybe a slow boat option? I went abroad and had an 1/12 of a container. The rest was filled with parcels and other peoples stuff. They shipped it when container was full that took 5 months. It was much cheaper than air freight though.

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 10/10/2025 04:04

Give her a time frame to send money to post the clothes or arrange for someone to pick it up. If she doesn’t do that then she has abandoned the clothes and you can give it to charity. She is a CF

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 10/10/2025 04:09

@Kimura why would OP pay for the shipping, she isn’t obliged to do so. She was kind enough to store the clothes in the first place. Let’s even assume she said she would pay for it ( which I very much doubt because why should she?), she is allowed to change her mind. The friend is very entitled and ungrateful

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 10/10/2025 04:11

I agree with @Bjorkdidit

SandyY2K · 10/10/2025 04:27

I wouldn't say anything about taking them to a charity shop. It's not going to help the situation and is unnecessary IMO.

Just tell her you won't be posting them if she doesn't send the money. It's entirely her choice.

How she thinks you should bear the cost is beyond me.

Silverbirchleaf · 10/10/2025 04:30

Yes, she should pay. And don’t even send them on the promise if mory. Wait until you have the money in your bank account before sending them.

i can’t fathom why she thinks you should pay.

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/10/2025 04:35

The fact you are a single parent and she could afford it is totally irrelevant...at the end of the day, it's her belongings and if she wants them, she needs to pay the postage

Tell her you will not be paying and if she wants the stuff, she needs to send the money abd if it isn't in your account after a week then you will not be storing the stuff anymore.

As soon as you have the money, block her again. Shes a crap friend who you are better off without

nomas · 10/10/2025 04:43

Well done for asking for the money in advance.

Don’t be tricked into sending the bags in return for instalments, etc.

I would tell her that she needs to send the full money or have someone collect the bags by 11 November (so giving her 30 days’ notice) or you will take the suitcases to the tip.

And warn mutual friend of what’s going on so she doesn’t get tricked into sending them for free.

user1492757084 · 10/10/2025 05:06

Obtain her postal address and post over only what her funds approx will pay for. Send via the slowest shipping.
Give her the tracking numbers.
Show her the receipts and that you have put in 10 of your own money and that you can not afford to send the rest until she pays.
In a few months she will have received her things. You can send a photo of the remaining suitcases, once again reminding her that you have care of them and will send them over when she provides payment.

Tell her not to worry; you will wait until she saves up the cost of having all of her possessions posted.
Do not interact except to politely say the same useful comments. Ignore her ranting. You and she both know that you should not sacrifice for your kindness..

Kimura · 10/10/2025 05:10

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 10/10/2025 04:09

@Kimura why would OP pay for the shipping, she isn’t obliged to do so. She was kind enough to store the clothes in the first place. Let’s even assume she said she would pay for it ( which I very much doubt because why should she?), she is allowed to change her mind. The friend is very entitled and ungrateful

I think you've misread my post, I didn't suggest at any point that OP should pay for shipping.

Zonder · 10/10/2025 05:18

To satisfy my own curiosity I would message and say why do you think it's my responsibility to pay for your luggage to be sent to you? I could charge you for looking after it!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2025 05:19

Hi Sarah,
I've been storing your personal items as a favour to you for two months now. I can no longer do so.
Please arrange to have the items picked up by ---- date or I will arrange for them to be donated to a local charity. I will not be contacting you further about this and the pick up date deadline will not be extended. This is not up for further discussion or negotiation.
Thanks in Advance.

daisychain01 · 10/10/2025 05:29

Where do people pick up these so called friends. It's mental on here. A friend is someone who doesn't take the piss and is kind and reasonable. This so called friend is a CF.

tell her to arrange the courier and leave it at that, it's her stuff, you're busy sorry.

Newnamehiwhodis · 10/10/2025 05:35

Wow - she’s horrible in so many ways. Not just in trying to get you to pay, but insisting you had offered?!

BeautifulSongsofLove · 10/10/2025 05:35

Onlycoffee · 10/10/2025 00:45

This is not your responsibility.

Make it clear if she really wants her stuff, she is going to have to pay. Give her a deadline and tell her you can't keep her things indefinitely, and if she doesn't pay for the delivery in advance including trackeing insurance, you will get rid of it all.

Also tell her that you're doing this as a kindness to her but you are not taking responsibility so she needs to also pay for insurance.

Make sure you have tracking and proof of delivery. Some countries it's recommended anyway.

To be honest I'd be making her get the quotes, you're not her secretary.

Get angry op, she's treated you poorly and you need to stand up to her.

YANBU

As already said it's not your responsibility

To avoid you being charged for additional custom fees, etc., I'd ask the friend to make and pay all the parcel shipping arrangements using her credit card

Maddy70 · 10/10/2025 05:40

Final notice
I have been storing your belongings free of charge since your departure as a gesture of friendship and goodwill , I am now giving you until XX/XX/2025 to pay the sum of £200 to X transport company (or by bank transfer to me ) on receipt of this payment, I am willing to facilitate you by organising your belongings to be transported. If no payment has been received by this date I will have no other option but to dispose of the cases.
I will not enter into any other communication regarding this matter

Holidaywarning · 10/10/2025 05:45

FullOfLemons · 10/10/2025 00:53

I would ask her to arrange a courier to collect from either your property or the other friend

It puts the onus on the CF to arrange and pay

You have done enough.

This. Why are you looking for quotes? She's a piss taker. Let her organise and pay for it herself and that way any issues that arise are hers - damage / customs fees / loss. Don't get involved any more than handing her stuff over, and make the block permanent.

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/10/2025 05:47

@user1492757084 What a complicated suggestion! Especially when so many posters have already made the obvious one: no money, no stuff.

"obtain her postal address" 😄 Do you think OP doesn't know the rudiments of sending a package?

"put in £10 of your own money" No!

Edited as the quote disappeared.

Suntree32 · 10/10/2025 05:48

No way should you be paying to send them, but there's also no way I'd send anything to another country that I hadn't packed myself. Do you 100% know exactly what's in the bags? In the same way as travelling with a suitcase that you hadn't packed....

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/10/2025 05:53

Suntree32 · 10/10/2025 05:48

No way should you be paying to send them, but there's also no way I'd send anything to another country that I hadn't packed myself. Do you 100% know exactly what's in the bags? In the same way as travelling with a suitcase that you hadn't packed....

This is actually a very good point and could be the reason she's so insistent you do the research and pay for it.

Tell her you're going to hand her drugs over to the police.

TheBlueHotel · 10/10/2025 05:57

Why the fuck would you be paying to send her stuff?! She's mad

thegifttaegieus · 10/10/2025 05:59

Well I would have told her to fuck off to the moon and told her I had no idea at all what she was talking about, she never left anything at my house, was she a bit mental and delusional? And then I'd have chucked her shit in the bin.

But she knows she can bully you, so unfortunately she will keep doing so.

Does she have a relative you can dump her crap with?

Zanatdy · 10/10/2025 06:00

tell her you’ll keep it another month and after that you’ll dispose of it. She is taking the P.

thegifttaegieus · 10/10/2025 06:02

Oh, and as others above has said, she could have drugs in there or something else that's illegal to post. Open the cases and have a look. If there's anything dodge hand them over to the police.

If there's nothing dodgy then say you opened the case to repack it for her to see if you could send it in a smaller case and you have found her drugs and have handed the cases over to the police. Tell her to contact them if she wants her crap back.

Then chuck her rubbish in the bin.

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