Friend wants me to pay

[wineosaurusrex]

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

I'd tell her I'll happily send it once I've received the full cost of postage. Then I wouldn't communicate any further - except maybe to set a deadline for how long I'm willing to store the stuff for free!

I'd message her "As if! I can barely feed my kids at the moment and you think I should take food from their mouths to pay to send you your stuff, after doing you a favour by storing it in the first place. Jog on, you must live in cloud cuckoo land! You have until X date to arrange collection, or it all goes to our local clothes bank and I'll be blocking you on my phone after that date."

I would do nothing. No money, no posting. Don't engage in any more dialogue arguing this.

Give her a deadline and make her pay or bin the stuff as she’s a cf!

Agree. And tell her this as the stuff is taking up room in your house. As IF you’d have offered to pay - why on earth would you pay for her move. Utterly ridiculous of her to even think that.

Oh didn’t think of this. Yes have a look

If she's stressing you out, give her an email address to get in touch with you and block her entirely on your phone.

I agree with pp, I didn’tRTFT but if you do get the postage money, bear in mind that she may declare you a thief when the bags arrive with her, and claim that not everything she packed in them is still inside. I wouldn’t trust her an inch.

If you DO post these cases, think about filming yourself opening them, showing each item from inside to the camera and repacking, then wrapping the bags so it’s clear they haven’t been reopened between the film and the posting. She could still make something up- “oh you opened them and removed my £3000 handbag/ limited edition Pokémon cards/ silk dress from Chanel before you did the filming”- but it might protect you a little.

What a cow. Rest assured this is not you, tell your anxiety that it’s 100% her and you don’t have to be anxious.

Start charging her a storage fee for looking after her bags. If she won’t pay it donate her stuff to a charity shop.

I agree with this. Take action to protect yourself from any accusations.

She’s absolutely batshit.

Having read other comments, I wouldn't even do that. You don't know what could be hidden inside and if you posted it, you'd be liable. It might be an extreme example, but if there were drugs in there, she could claim that you'd put them in! I'd ask her to arrange collection and postage herself and I wouldn't open the cases myself at all.

I would send her a message saying if you want your clothes you have one month to either come and collect them or send the money required to post them. Failing that I will be dropping it off to a charity shop. As you are my friend I have given you free storage till now and not charged you but now that you have shown your true colours I don’t feel charitable any more.

After that ignore her. Give a specific end date in your message. If she doesn’t do either then bin the clothes and move on. You need better friends than this.

I'm guessing here but has she moved in with a partner or parents and never really had to pay her own bills .

I imagine the conversation went something like

Cf: I ve got too many clothes to fly out with me but I don't want to throw them away
You: ok you can leave them here and when you are settled , I ll post them out to you .

In her head - all responsibility for getting the clothes to her has passed to you .

I ll post them = I ll pay for it .

Completely wrong of course and this probably won't be the first time she has fallen out with a friend because they haven't covered something that should be her responsibility

I would put the suitcases in my spare room, leave them there, and tell her that she can collect, arrange to have them sent on in her own time at her own expense. The problem with getting rid of them after a certain time is that she may accuse you of theft etc whereas if you send her an email, take a screen shot of phone message you have proof of your terms. Her clothes, her problem.

I actually didn't think of this.

Very good point. I'd tell her that she needs to come and collect!

Bloody hell. I would have expected her to pay me shipping cost plus more for storage and effort in posting her stuff!

She sounds nasty and rude. As many on here said - message her to say "I done you a favour storing your stuff, please pay full price for shipment, I give you a week - if you don't, everything is going to a charity shop". Don't talk to her anymore apart from sending her a reminder of her time running out and then a picture of her bags in the charity shop. Block her after that.

Definitely this. Some people are genuinely bonkers. Please don't let this make you anxious. She is in the wrong. Offer to send it if she sends the money within 7 days or you are leaving them on the porch of your house for her to collect because it's taking up space in your house. You have nothing to worry or feel guilty about. And the fact that she has the audacity to speak to you so poorly means you don't have to worry about any future contact with her anyway.
I'll just never understand how people like this have the balls to try and pull stuff like this. It's insane.

I’d tell friend to arrange a courier collection and give you details by certain date and if it’s not done then I would dispose of the items. Clearly not a friend and you’re not a storage locker.

Stop doing anything, this isn't your problem to solve, she arranges collection and pays for it, give her a deadline and stick to it

Your a parent. You haven't got time in your life to be a pushover. Tell her quite bluntly you aren't discussing it any further she either sends you the money within 30 days and you send, or after 30 days the lot goes the charity shop.

Oh yes, courier collection. Thats what it should. Be

You have nothing to lose here other than a shit "friend" who is trying to shaft you. Find a backbone and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is taking the piss and if she doesn't arrange collection of the cases within 14 days, you will be getting rid of them. Her lack of money and capacity to adequately manage her affairs is absolutely not your problem. You've literally provided FREE storage for her so far. More than generous. Do not get dragged in to anything else. If you cave and pay for her shipping, that's money you are taking away from YOUR OWN children.

I’d give her to the end of the month to transfer the money, then I’d be dumping her stuff. Absolute cheeky fuckery!

She’s not your friend. As others have said, I’d give her a deadline to pay by, probably a couple of months, and then take it to a charity shop. No decent person expects a friend to pay in this situation.