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Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

322 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 10/10/2025 07:51

Its probably cheaper for her to fly back, collect the suitcases and then return home tbh

Yachties · 10/10/2025 07:51

She’s a bully. Just text back and give a deadline after which you will be dumping the clothes nd blocking her.

Bloozie · 10/10/2025 07:52

Why on EARTH would she expect you to pay so she can get her stuff back? That's batshit.

Unblock her, tell her it's extremely unreasonable to expect you to pay, you didn't say you would, you will hold on to her stuff for 8 weeks and if she hasn't sent the money by then you will take it to the charity shop for her. Apologise that your friendship has to end this way, but there doesn't seem to be any way of coming back from this, and you will block her again if she's rude.

binkie163 · 10/10/2025 07:58

FullOfLemons · 10/10/2025 00:53

I would ask her to arrange a courier to collect from either your property or the other friend

It puts the onus on the CF to arrange and pay

You have done enough.

This, do not take any responsibility. If she wants her stuff she must arrange and pay for it.

starfishmummy · 10/10/2025 07:59

She definitely needs to arrange and pay for a courier to pick them up from you.

handsdownthebest · 10/10/2025 07:59

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

I would tell her to fuck off and that if she hasn’t sent the money by a certain date, give the suitcases full of clothes to a charity shop…unless of course they’re lovely and fit you 😁

ParmaVioletTea · 10/10/2025 07:59

Ignore her. Don’t send it to another friend. If she wants her things she can arrange for pick up and shipping.

Font give it another thought until she arranges something.

Ellmau · 10/10/2025 07:59

She's a complete CF.

She needs to get a return flight to collect them herself. Or pay for postage. Her choice.

tierdytierd · 10/10/2025 08:02

Send her emails & recorded letter with proof of receipt giving her a deadline date to arrange for somebody to collect from you or they’ll be sent to the local homeless /womensaid charity.
sorry she’s turned out to be a non friend x

Katrinawaves · 10/10/2025 08:05

You can’t just dispose of the goods or sell them as some have suggested without taking some formal legal steps first. You are an involuntary bailee of them in legal terms so you need to give formal notice of your intention to dispose of them and if you sell them you need to keep the proceeds in a separate account and send them to her.

There is a good description of the law and the steps you need to take here

www.stephens-scown.co.uk/disputes-with-businesses/whose-belongings-are-they-anyway-dealing-with-involuntary-bailment/

Francestein · 10/10/2025 08:15

Cheeky fucker. Tell her she has a month to pay the full amount to have her gear sent over or she can choose to pay you for storing her shit or let you donate it.

Theroadt · 10/10/2025 08:18

Given she’s abroad now neither of you need to continue the friendship. Text her saying bank details and amount, give deadline date after which send to charity shop and block her - but signpost it all and keep copies of the texts.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 10/10/2025 08:21

I would send her a message saying, "Please send me the 200 before the end of the month and I will ship you your things. Beyond that date I will not continue to store them for you and everything will be donated to a charity shop."

Goditsmemargaret · 10/10/2025 08:24

Hi Horrible Ex Friend

I'm sending this message then blocking you as your outrageous behaviour is causing me immense stress. You have my bank details and I'm giving you till the end of the month to send me 200. If I receive it I will post the goods. Otherwise I will take it to a charity shop. Your other option is to give my phone number to someone local who agrees to contact me and collect your things. I am getting rid of the stuff as I will not tolerate any further claims that I am stealing your stuff. In fact I did you a huge favour by storing your stuff (and not charging you) then offering to post it. I deserved expected thanks but instead got abusive accusations and demands.

WatchingTheDetective · 10/10/2025 08:26

Why would anyone pay for this? She's crazy.

Catquest · 10/10/2025 08:34

FullOfLemons · 10/10/2025 00:53

I would ask her to arrange a courier to collect from either your property or the other friend

It puts the onus on the CF to arrange and pay

You have done enough.

This

Pp are correct there are often customs charges on top plus if things go missing she will blame you

" Dear CF
Please arrange a courier to collect your property by X date, this is your responsibility not mine
Failure to do so will result in the items being disposed of as I can no longer store them
As a gesture of goodwill I will waive storage fees"

She's trying to bully you
Once the stuff is gone delete and block

MinnieGirl · 10/10/2025 08:34

Well I wouldn’t be posting anything to her if that’s how she’s going to behave! And as others have said, her response is so extreme I would be very concerned that there was something dodgy in her bags….

So first thing I would do is have a good look! Open her cases and go through them. If nothing I would then send a very brief message. “I have stored your bags free of charge because we were friends. You need to arrange for a courier to collect them at a time suitable to me. If they are not collected by the end of October, the bags will be opened and the contents taken to the charity shop”. And do not engage with any more of her nonsense. If she pushes back just repeat. You have until the end of October or they go to the charity shop.

What a nasty person and a complete CF

KitsyWitsy · 10/10/2025 08:35

Hell would freeze over before I sent her the stuff now whether she paid or not. Tell her she will have to arrange pickup of the stuff before a certain time, 2 weeks maybe or you will dispose of it. Then block.

WildLeader · 10/10/2025 08:36

What would I do?

NOTHING!

id send her a text and say that id give her 7 days to have her cases collected from you or id dispose of it.

anyone who treats you like this isn’t a friend, you’ll never get any kind of friendship back from this, so write it off and forget about her.

You have done nothing wrong, in fact you’ve been kind and done her a massive favour and she’s been nothing but rude and ungrateful

once the 7 days is up, take it to charity shop.

seriously

Cyclebabble · 10/10/2025 08:43

Clearly you are not being in anyway unreasonable. However, take some care. I was used as a store house for a massive amount of stuff when a relative moved to Aus. I was not even that close to them and I said yes okay, but only for a very limited time. My mistake was not specifying limited. They then became quite aggressive. A polite response for them to move things got the response that we will store things for as long as we need.. Eventually I used my legal helpline on my insurance which gave me quite a convoluted path to getting rid of their stuff- they were livid that I had the "nerve" to give them notice it was going to the tip. however, clear advice is you do have to give warnings and communicate clearly. You cannot just chuck the lot, tempting as that might be.

Rosesanddaffs · 10/10/2025 08:44

@wineosaurusrex she sounds like an absolute cow.

Give her 1 week to arrange a collection and if she doesn’t then donate to one of the charities that come to your door for collections xx

NewsdeskJC · 10/10/2025 08:44

Give her 2 weeks.
If no money turns up for the postage, you will get rid.
Then block her.
She is no friend of yours.

Zempy · 10/10/2025 08:47

Cheeky bitch! Don’t you dare pay.

butterpuffed · 10/10/2025 08:52

Of course she has to pay if she wants her stuff back .

Do you think that when you said you'd post them later that she stupidly thought you meant that you'd cover the cost? She's an idiot .

Happyjoe · 10/10/2025 08:52

She's nasty. She's no friend.
She has a week, possibly two to send the money, then everything goes to charity. It's actually incredibly kind of you to let her store her things and even offer to send them out without paying for them too.

Awful, entitled woman. Sorry OP, am glad she now lives in another country!

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