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Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

322 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
mummymetalhead · 10/10/2025 01:01

CherrieTomaties · 10/10/2025 00:45

Id tell her:

“You’ve got 2 weeks to send me the £200 and I’ll get them shipped out to you. If not, I’ll be taking everything to the charity shop”.

If she protests or challenges it- just keep repeating the message.

The cheeky cow.

I’d 100% do this.
She sounds like an absolute nightmare! I’d completely cut her off after this batshittery.

MadinMarch · 10/10/2025 01:02

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 10/10/2025 00:56

I'd now tell her that she has lost all good will & she can arrange collection from my house (at a time that suits me) or they can stay exactly where they are until I can arrange for a charity to collect them.

`This. And put a time limit on it of two weeks or so, and charity shop it if not collected by then.

BasilandTom · 10/10/2025 01:06

CF territory well and truly crossed by that ‘friend’.

Tell her she can pay up for postage or whistle for it.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/10/2025 01:12

She either pays for her stuff to be transported to the place she wants it or she pays for storage - not with you.

Those are her choices. Put them in writing and give her a reasonable time frame. If no response you can dispose of it.

Legally she wouldn't have a leg to stand on but the friendship would be over.

Starlight7080 · 10/10/2025 01:12

I would tell her not to be ridiculous. It was never your responsibility to pay to send them. And that you housing them was a big enough favour as is.
Does she have family near you? Drop the bags to them.
If not then say you will keep them till she sends all the money.
Really asking you to deal with the hassle of sending them was taking the mick

Once sorted I would block her and never speak to her again

Itiswhysofew · 10/10/2025 01:15

What an odd person. Why on earth would she think you'd pay?

Does she have anyone near you who could take her suitcases?

Worrywort23 · 10/10/2025 01:26

This is completely nonsensical. Just ask why on earth she would think that you (or anyone) would pay for HER clothes to be shipped to her. Tell her not to be so silly and send the money within a timeframe you suggest or you will dispose of them.

unsurewhattodoaboutit · 10/10/2025 01:27

She’s not a friend. Dump the stuff in the trash.

XWKD · 10/10/2025 01:34

Make sure to send her a video when you cut up her trash before dumping it.

Squishydishy · 10/10/2025 01:37

Why on earth would you want to bankroll her baggage costs?! She’s insane to think you’d love to do that. It’s her cost, she is complete cheeky fucker. I agree a deadline or dump the stuff. Either way block and drop this friendship going forwards she is not someone you want in your life

tellmesomethingtrue · 10/10/2025 01:38

I’d be putting it on Vinted.

Friendlygingercat · 10/10/2025 01:45

Sanding items abroad by air freight has always been expensive. Something on these lines happened to me many years ago.

A friend went to Morocco to live with her boyfriend and child and they invited me to come and stay. He mother had some stuff to send her and asked me to call for it. I imagined a few bits and pieces. However there was so much stuff it would have filled my suitcase or caused me to pay excess baggage. When I pointed this out her mom said sarcastically "Well you are getting a free holiday" which I thought was a cheek. I still had to pay my air fare which was a lot more expensive comparative t now (1960s).

I later checked the stuff and some of it was broken toys, like a doll with no arms. When I travelled I packed in as much as I could and left the rest at home. To top off her cheek the mum sent a letter with a long list of all the things she had given me - as if she suspected I was going to steal something. My hostess said that some of the clothes her mum had bought were not her style and gave them to her Moroccan maid. She was also ok about leaving the broken toys as she had obviously bought their daughter new toys since they arrived. So I saved a bit of money by just dumping the excess baggage.

I went to stay with my friend several times but never again communicated with her mother in case she tried to use me as a free courier.

mummytrex · 10/10/2025 01:53

She isn't your friend. Don't pay to send to her. Tell her she has 7 days to get someone to collect after that you're throwing the cases out. Alternatively charge her £30 (whatever figure you want) storage fees a week. Personally I'd give notice and then throw away.

mjf981 · 10/10/2025 02:04

She's insane.
If you definitely didn't say you would pay to ship them...why would she think its your responsibility to pay??
Madness. She's off her rocker. I'd give her ultimatum (have them picked up by x date or they're going in the bin) and then block her.

AgnesMcDoo · 10/10/2025 02:10

Why on earth does she think you should pay?

Franjipanl8r · 10/10/2025 02:30

I’d wind her up even more and say she’s got 24 hours to collect her bags until you incinerate them.

RawBloomers · 10/10/2025 02:40

I would tell her that you obviously didn't agree to fund her move abroad, that would have been absurd. So no, you would not be paying for her luggage to be sent anywhere. And that it was cluttering up your home so she will need to arrange for it to be collected in the next month or you will donate it to a charity shop.

If she gets abusive tell her you will not deal with her, or anyone who is abusive, directly and she will need to instruct a lawyer to make the arrangements.

When the month is up, if she hasn't sent anyone to collect it, take to a charity shop. Ask for a receipt if they will provide one and if not, take photos to show you have donated them.

Then block her on all channels.

If you have mutual friends you might consult with them first so they know what's going on and she can't twist it all later - maybe one of them will offer to take over. Do not agree to be out of pocket at all. Even the cost of sending them to a friend should be her expense if it will leave you out of pocket.

Milosc · 10/10/2025 02:43

She is not your friend. Tell her she has two weeks to send the money. After that you will donate it to charity as your home is not a storage facility. Then never speak to her again.

Meadowfinch · 10/10/2025 02:44

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 00:09

I'd give her a definite time frame for sending you the money and if she doesn't send it, just give the clothes to a charity shop.

This. I had someone do the exact same thing to me. It's horrible and it isn't your responsibility.

You've given her the quotes, she needs to decide whether her possessions are worth £200 to her? Give her a time limit - 6 weeks?

Bjorkdidit · 10/10/2025 02:47

This is bizarre. Who on earth would expect someone else to pay to ship their clothes to them and get 'angry and upset' when asked for the money? Especially as she's so much better off than you.

I wouldn't even do the arranging now. I would tell her to do the legwork and just give her days when they can be collected so she can book a courier.

Or depending on how far away she's moved, can she fly over to collect them in person?

SalonDesRefuses · 10/10/2025 02:48

I agree with giving her two weeks. But not so much you should send it all to the charity shop (or sell on vinted), because they are her belongings and she could accuse you of stealing them. In writing she has said she wants them.

So, if the two weeks passes, I'd let her know you've left them outside for her to collect because you no longer have the space to store them. If someone steals them or the bin lorry takes them away, not your problem.

Onthemaintrunkline · 10/10/2025 02:54

And you’ve had the inconvenience of having her stuff at yr house?😳
Tell her she either forwards the money to ship ASAP, or you’ll bundle the stuff up and give it to the Sallie shop or the UK equivalent!

BruFord · 10/10/2025 02:54

Do you know her family? If I knew her parents, for example, I’d drop the cases off with them. What a CF.

Kimura · 10/10/2025 03:33

CherrieTomaties · 10/10/2025 00:45

Id tell her:

“You’ve got 2 weeks to send me the £200 and I’ll get them shipped out to you. If not, I’ll be taking everything to the charity shop”.

If she protests or challenges it- just keep repeating the message.

The cheeky cow.

Incredibly you can't always do this with someone's property you've agreed to look after without jumping through some legal hoops, or you risk leaving yourself open to a civil claim!

OP - Maybe your friend has genuinely misremembered the arrangement, or maybe they're trying it on. Either way, you should send her a very short email giving her four options.

1 - You will post the items as soon as you receive the full amount you previously quoted (make sure it's tracked/signed for!)

2 - Your friend can arrange a courier to collect on a convenient day (list some)

3 - Your friend can arrange another friend to collect on a convenient day.

4 - Your friend can give you written (email/text) permission to dispose of the goods.

You must also give them a deadline to recover/abandon the goods, and clearly state that they will be sold or disposed of after that date.

There's no defined amount of time you're obliged to look after the property, but you must give the owner 'reasonable' notice to collect. If your friend is overseas, two weeks may not be enough. A month likely would be. After that you can dispose of or sell the items.

If you sell the items, you may deduct sale/storage fees, but the balance should be paid to the owner. Until the deadline passes, you are responsible for the items - if you leave them outside on your driveway for example, you would almost certainly be responsible if they were water damaged or stolen.

Kimura · 10/10/2025 03:39

SalonDesRefuses · 10/10/2025 02:48

I agree with giving her two weeks. But not so much you should send it all to the charity shop (or sell on vinted), because they are her belongings and she could accuse you of stealing them. In writing she has said she wants them.

So, if the two weeks passes, I'd let her know you've left them outside for her to collect because you no longer have the space to store them. If someone steals them or the bin lorry takes them away, not your problem.

As above, it would very likely be the OPs problem if they left them outside in this scenario. She's in contact with the owner who has confirmed she wants to keep the items. Two weeks may not be considered a reasonable amount of time in a scenario where the own has recently moved overseas and there is a dispute over the arrangements for storing/shipping the items. For the sake of argument, OP may have forgotten that she promised to pay for shipping them, for all we know.

Putting them in a dry garage/loft/utility room etc is the safest bet while they sort it out.

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