To ask DH to wash his hands?

[SENSummer]

Ok, so I’m totally willing to be told IABU maybe I am, looking for some perspective.

I’m an emetophobe and one of my two small kids is disabled so I’m even more aware of cleanliness and germs. We get ill a lot. More than you would expect in my opinion.

DH is a hospital doctor. He works in the hospital all day. I’m often upstairs with the kids doing bedtime when he comes in so don’t observe his routine but tonight I was downstairs and noticed he didn’t wash his hands when he got home. Just wanted through the door and started shoving his hands into the bread bag to make toast and touching loads of fruit in the fruit bowl…etc

I asked if he’d washed his hands. He said yes, earlier in the day before he left work. I was a bit taken a back. I asked if he would mind washing his hands when he comes into the house on a night due to him being in the hospital all day. Both me and the kids wash our hands as soon as we come in from school or activities. It’s not an excessive amount but just seems a reasonable precaution to me.

DH hit the roof and made it clear I was being completely and utterly unreasonable and reminded me firmly that he knows better in these matters than I do.

So I put it to you oh wise MN’s… was I being unreasonable to ask DH to wash his hands?

YANBU. Unfortunately, far too many medical/healthcare professionals have a very blase attitude towards hygiene and cleanliness. You'd think it would be drummed into them as a fundamental basic of the job they do, but they don't seem to care outside "sterile" situations such as operating theatres. Regardless of that, washing your hands when you come in to the house is a pretty basic hygiene/cleanliness routine, especially before touching kitchen surfaces or food. He is well out of order for behaving so badly to your entirely reasonable request.

YANBU. It’s basic hygiene to wash your hands when coming in from outside.

Oh he also has a bit of dermatitis so he said I didn’t care about this. I also have the same hand issues. We’ve both had it since having the kids because there is just so much mess all the time.

My POV is that washing your hands once when you come in from a hospital setting is not the make or break of the skin on your hands and honestly we just lost half of September being seriously unwell, we’ve only just recovered I really CBA with anything else right now.

I always wash my hands as soon as I’ve come in from outside if I’ve been somewhere where I’ve touched things (shops/public transport etc). If I’ve been to the doctors or hospital they get an even longer, hotter scrub. It’s no wonder bugs are rife in healthcare settings when clinicians aren’t even washing their hands and hospitals have to put posters up to tell patients to remind their care givers to wash their hands. YANBU

I think its hugely unfair of you to project your issues onto other people. It isn't really normal to have to wash your hands whenever you come home. You can't eradicate germs from your world, but you just know this.

However, I think he should wash his hands before handling food that other people will also be having.

I’m a HCP I wash my hands everytime I enter my house and before I prepare any food! Your husband is disgusting and disrespectful.

It has honestly never crossed my mind to wash my hands when getting home. Completely over the top.

This. No matter where someone works.

You're not being unreasonable at all.

He works in a hospital and is exposed to some pretty nasty infectious diseases regularly. By not washing, he's cross contaminating. Yes, he should be washing his hands and changing clothes when he comes in from work.

That was my routine from decades in critical care. I could have been bringing home stuff like MRSA and C Diff and some real nasties. I still wash my hands pretty often and I rarely get the usual bugs.

It’s not over the top. My cousin is an immunologist and he told me that handwashing regularly (including when you come home) and not touching your face can prevent about 30% of respiratory infections and sickness bugs.

What is the difference between washing your hands right before you leave the hospital vs when you get home?

You don’t wash your hands right before you come home from the school run, shopping, your work? So not really fair to compare.

Yabu I never wash my hands when coming in from anywhere. Never crosses my mind and no one else in the house does either. I'll wash them when im making food for everyone but i wouldnt wash them if making toast etc just for me.

Agree with your DH, especially if he has dermatitis.

he also has a bit of dermatitis so he said I didn’t care about this. I also have the same hand issues.

That's a dumb excuse.

He can't use a less irritating soap?

He can't use some cream, or if needed, some Tacrolimus cream or ointment?

I did multiple scrub ins with Hibiclens or Betadine for decades complete with scratchy sponge and the under nail cleaner. Come. On. Now.

Well we always wash our hands when coming in from the outside it's basic hygiene

As a chef I always wash my hands before preparing food and when I get home.
I ask my DH to do the same.he has been in the car bought fuel or popped in a shop.
It's basic hygiene.

The difference is all the germs you could pick up from door handles, hand rails, etc., even moreso if using public transport. Presumably he's touching your front door handle to open it and touchpoints/doors for leaving the hospital? If using public transport, it's really grim not to wash hands when you get home as you'll have been touching all kinds of surfaces that literally hundreds of other people have touched that day.

And yes, I do wash my hands when I come in from work, school run, shopping, etc., I think the point is that hospitals are full of unwell people with all kinds of infections, so obviously an even higher risk than shopping etc., even if he has washed his hands before coming home - he'll still be touching door handles, lift buttons etc in the hospital on his way out!

I literally never wash my hands when I come in to the house, it wouldn’t cross my mind to. Nor does anyone I know. Unless I’m covered in earth from the garden or something. Haven’t been ill for years.

I know washing hands when coming home can split opinion but I’m surprised how many people think OP is unreasonable to want him to wash his hands before touching food other people will eat.

Washing his hands is an easy way to make you happy...why is he making it out to be such a huge demand? I agree that he should do it.
But are you bossy to him in general? Is he resentful, and pushing back?

This is why I don’t like eating at my friends house. They don’t wash hands before preparing food, even mine. And their towel is filthy.

I always wash my hands when I arrive home. Too many nasty bugs on public transport handrails, door handles etc. that Ive touched en route home.

They do tests in hospitals taking samples from such places and the infections they find are disgusting, and some are serious ones too that could seriously weaken those with poor immune systems.

Hospital staff should be aware of basic hygiene. Does he somehow not think it applies at home? Sigh. All book learning and no fucking common sense.

It would honestly never occur to me to wash my hands when coming home.

I am absolutely gobsmacked at the people that don’t wash their hands when coming in! It’s basic hygiene. It’s a non negotiable in our house and no one has ever thought it weird or over the top.

I couldn’t imagine coming in from work/the shops/public transport and not washing my hands. Imagine all the grub/germs/bugs you touch when in these places, bringing them into the house? No thanks.

Maybe it’s coincidence or maybe it’s not but all of us are very rarely ill.

It wouldn't occur to me to wash my hands when I get home and I haven't had a respiratory infection or sickness bug in about 5 years. Maybe I am a freak of nature or maybe normal germs are part of life and not lurking under every handrail to make you shit your pants

Exactly this, and I'm sure most healthcare professionals would agree. Excessive anxiety about "hygiene" is just as damaging as not being hygienic at all.

I don't wash my hands when I come in from work and I'm rarely ill either.

And I don't exactly have a nice, clean office job. I work outdoors with animals, which would probably give you a fit of the vapours.