To have made my partner switch hotels in London?

[LondonWoes]

My partner surprised me with a long weekend in London, for my birthday. He got us theatre tickets and told me he had sorted the hotel out.

We got on the train today and he started bragging it was £30 a night. That immediately set alarm bells ringing. We arrive and it’s a dump. It’s not even a hotel, but someone’s house with a load of converted rooms. There’s no reception, just a living room, and every door has the same key. That same key also opened the front door. We had been put in a downstairs room, with no window. It was boiling hot.

I told him I wasn’t staying in that hotel. It didn’t feel safe and the vibes were off. He has begrudgingly moved but made me pay, so now im £500 down for my birthday weekend. Was I being unreasonable?

So glad that Hamilton was worth it - lovely update!!

Totally get why you weren’t happy with the hotel and food he arranged - and his response to you showed that he doesn’t have the skills to deal with conflict in a healthy way.

I repeat, you need help. You have written on multiple different threads about your dysfunctional relationship with your husband and just over a month ago you started one questioning if you should leave him:

When do you know if it’s time to go
Amore03 · 04/09/2025 12:40

I don’t know if I love my husband enough to stay anymore.

I am sorry for your troubles, of which you appear to have many, but trying to bring other women down will not solve them.

You may also wish to consider that when something is shared publicly on social media, it becomes part of the public domain. That’s how social media works. If you post on a public forum like Mumsnet it’s there for anyone to see. If you don’t want your words quoted or referenced it’s better not to post it in the first place or stay consistent in your posts so you don't trip yourself up.

You really shouldn’t be bringing another poster’s information/past like that, regardless of what they have said. It’s coming across like you are targeting and bullying them. Please step.

But many posters have been very harsh to op .., for no reason

@Amore03 saying @republicofjam lives a sad life is deflecting from the point.

On this thread you've stated you've high standards and have been happily married for 34 years as you communicate well and wouldn't have done what the OP did.

Whilst I've not read any of your other posts, the quotes re your previous posts seem to contradict this. If so, perhaps you are envious that the OP has been clear on her worth/boundaries and I'm struggling to see what the op did wrong.

1. She didn't feel safe with the original room. when she communicated that and paid for another room her ex sulked. Despite this he moved to the new room OP had paid for and appeared to have been content to stay there rather than the original location. Couldn't have been that great really now could it given he also didn't stay in original place despite the OP asking him to go back to it.

1. After having told op he'd made nice dinner plans he rocked up with a takeaway.

It isn't about throwing money around, but even with limited funds an effort could be made. Also he could have elected not to sulk and effectively ruin the first night. The op asked him to go back to the original hotel and not be there when she got back, he ignored another boundary and just went to sleep in the room he was sulking about!

@op well done as I said before for knowing your with and boundaries. It is so important.

OK - a picture is starting to emerge, but how often? How far apart do you both live? Did you arrange trips to neutral areas, or were you going to him?

I might normally agree but this poster has been relentlessly nasty and I believe that my responses are fair and measured considering her own multiple inconsistencies and indeed, her bullying of the OP.

Because when he was told that girlfriend feels unsafe and will be paying out of her own pocket for alternative accommodation, rather than holding his hands up and acknowledging that he's fallen short, he has a sulk fest about his precious ego.

The reactive behaviour is the problem, nit the fuck up itself.

The same posters who seem the think his behaviour is forgivable and will wonder why their boyfriends and husbands are shits and other women have gold standard men. It's a mystery!

Very fair and measured

Well done, OP. I had a boyfriend like this in my 20s and was sensible enough to ditch him. My life has been much better without him in it.

It’s common sense when buying gifts to work within a budget but also to buy something appropriate for that budget. That means if your budget it low you don’t end up with an HMO and a takeaway burger for a romantic weekend away.

It could have been so easily resolved if he’d taken it on the chin, accepted it was a mistake, booked somewhere else and made the best of it. You could have had a good laugh about it. But his behaviour was childish and horrible.

No idea what’s going on with the women on here backing the boyfriend. I can only assume those are the women who breed these characters to inflict misery on the rest of us.

France for us. We weren’t tied to a date though and it was just a long weekend.

I'm so glad! It's superb, isn't it - I have been so many times and it is just outstanding.

I'm glad your birthday weekend was worth it in the end.

I don’t want anyone’s sympathy which I know I won’t get . My business is my own . I certainly didn’t mean to upset her . I do not go around bullying women that’s for sure . I am sorry if it came across that way . I have many issues with myself not my husband . Through loss of my mum and being raped 6 years ago . So it’s out there for all to see . I am a mess . So if I upset anyone I am truly sorry .

You did bully her and one of your posts was deleted which I didn’t see but was obviously not a nice message. You were all high and mighty tearing down OP calling her a diva while boasting of your ‘perfect’ relationship. Then we found out about your married but you still insulted and attacked other posters. Now that you got caught out lying you’re backtracking.

I just hate when women do this! Instead of apologising and moving on you reveal your story and want us to say oh your poor thing you have every right to attack a stranger on the internet. I am sorry if that’s what really happened to you but please go work on yourself and don’t come onto another woman’s thread and berate her when your own life is less than perfect.

Absolutely this.

Thank you for the update am so pleased you enjoyed it.
Some of the Mumsnet mums are nutters, you 100% did the right thing, you saw him for what he was really like.

I’m a single mum on a budget. I often go away with my kids we have no choice but to book the cheapest and if we want to enjoy a show we are all likely sharing a room and our tea would very likely be a takeaway in our room. We still have the time of our lives.
half the attitudes here are because people have no idea how it feels to be skint and still want to enjoy life

This man isn't skint, that's the point. He's just showing the OP what his priorities are.

We only have the OP’s version.
He may have saved for a year for skiing.
She may have sprung Hamilton on him afterwards.
He may have planned a decent dinner the night of the show, not the night of arrival.
he may have only wanted to stay one night and she asked for more.
he still may have been conned with the room booking. If he’s never stayed in London before and the photos are good he may have believed that he genuinely got a bargain before they arrive.

@LondonWoes can you show the online booking pictures for the skeleton key basement hellhole?

She didn't spring Hamilton on him, he sprung it on her.

If you can't actually afford to take your girlfriend for a three night stay in London including theatre tickets and a nice dinner out, don't pretend you can.

And even if he did save for a year for skiing, that still shows where his priorities lie, doesn't it?

Five years from now he will be the man who goes on a five day stag do to Las Vegas whilst his partner is on maternity leave with their first child and running down her savings to still contribute 50% to their joint expenses.

But he was the one who booked this weekend away with no input from OP.

You are correct in thinking that if you can’t afford something then getting the cheapest place to stay is the sensible answer

But these £30 per night Airbnbs are ultimately not cheap when you would have to add on the cost of your suitcase, clothes and worldly belongings you have with you when they get stolen or the cost of medication because of the bed bugs or flea bites and other infections or even what your life is worth.

There is cheap and then there is stupid.

@Charredtea that is a massive false equivalency and you know it.

Her ex said he was treating her to a weekend in London, that he’d booked a hotel and dinner. Anyone reasonable would assume a reasonable hotel (Travelodge or similar as a minimum) and an actual booking for dinner.

He built it up and then tested her with this bullshit.

If he’d said ‘I’d love to take you to London to see Hamilton but I’m a bit broke - can we do it on a shoestring and get a cheap takeaway?’ that would’ve been completely different.

He’s clearly not someone who scrimps or has no funds given he’s going on a nice skiing holiday. That’s fine - if that took all his discretionary funds then he had no need to plan this sham of a trip. OP wasn’t asking him to take her away and it sounds like she’s capable of affording her own trip. This mess is of his own making and I’m overjoyed we’ve got one of the few OPs who know their worth.

It was his idea. A surprise trip. Therefore the majority of this post can only be true if the OP is outright lying about him planning and booking this without her asking him to do so. Do you think she is?

You could write "We only have the OP's version" on every single thread in AIBU - but then what's the point?

You’re conflating different issues. No one (that I know at least) wants to have fun by being shown “what it feels like to be skint”.