To ask if most straight men are attracted much younger women?

[RubyTuesday10]

Had a depressing moment at work today, male colleague played a Jimmy Carr stand-up clip on his phone and it went along the lines of “if I had to pick my favourite child it would be my neighbour’s hot daughter.” The other men with him laughed at it. I couldn’t help feeling a bit nauseous and it’s made me question whether many older straight men actually do fantasise about girls in their late teens or whatever. Perhaps I have been naive to think it was something that just appealed to a minority of perverts. One or two of them have daughters too and it just strikes me as odd that they could even laugh at a joke like that. Am I naive to feel this way?

I don't think most men feel that way.

Especially those with daughters, as they would feel its not appropriate, although some do date women close to their daughters age.

There is a great graph for this...
(not great morally, but great as a clear illustration)

https://external-preview.redd.it/RaPV5tQUC90ahZXnCpu3ghmIHpyjnBqsXGJPqCGKYq0.png?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=1a2ea26683f2e2edcd3218fcd0d1b12df9958e41

It is from data drawn from an online dating platform, and shows how our preference to ages change as we get older. (Purely physical, based on pictures, not personality)

Women, generally prefer men slightly older to them when they are young, and then slightly younger to them when they get older themselves. But the ages are always roughly similar to theirs.

Men, no matter what age prefer early 20s.

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The thing is though, so what? It is like saying that men all prefer attractive models, it doesn't make a difference in real life. The majority of those 50+ guys are not going to date date a 20 year old. Of course on purely visual aesthetics they like what they see.. but if they area 'decent' guy then when they meet that 20 year old, they will see the massive gulf of maturity/age/desires/experience etc. And then realize the are far more compatible with someone closer to their own age. We don't need to delude ourselves into thinking that older men are only, or should only be attracted to older women.

Thing is, we can all agree that people look best in their 20s. And that models are more attractive than average people. That’s just a fact.

What this thread is about, though is this culture of men who can’t see how delusional and foolish they are (and creepy) when they genuinely feel that it would be appropriate for them to date a woman as young as their daughter.

Let’s imagine a female comedian made the same joke about her friends gym-bunny young son? I doubt that would be laughed at by anyone.

The culture of men who think they are entitled to date women who will have to become their carers at an age where they themselves are still relatively young comes from societal conditioning and the patriarchy. Not evolution or bloody biology.

Many middle aged men struggle to have sex without medical intervention and the quality of their sperm declines significantly, so any biological programming is the brain playing tricks on their bodies. If we are falling back on our natural state, then 50 something men would for the most part be dead, and those who were around wouldn't have a hope in the competition for a mate with young strong virile males.

Quite. Which is why viagra is such a commonly prescribed drug. Sperm quality declines with age and although men can father children for longer than women can become pregnant, I read that it can take a 50 year old man years to get a much younger woman pregnant.

Human brains are such that we don't act on primal instincts alone surely, otherwise no women would be in education as they would get pregnant very early in their life by random men. As we think there can also be an emotional connection, however minimal, to those we sleep with, that is likely to be with someone your own age.

Our primal instincts are still instincts. We are powerfully driven to eat lots of calorific food whenever it’s available, to avoid danger lurking in the bushes and, for men, to father multiple babies, which means finding the youngest, most fertile mate they can. So, the urge itself is natural and uncontrollable, yet most posters are disgusted that men even have it, as if they have a choice in the matter. They can choose who they actually have sex and/or enter into a relationship with. They cannot choose which girls/women trigger the most powerful response in the rewards system in their brains.

i am increasingly repulsed by men's sexual urges. The older I get the more men disgust me. And no, the vast majority of women do not act the same way. No, young women are not simply attracted to rich men who are older. I always hoped that men were not all helplessly dribbling over young females but the news tells me each day that they are and being rich just makes them feel more entitled to accessing young females. Women are speaking out now and increasingly men are shown in a poor light.

I don't think you can.

Where in the original joke did it insinuate that the neighbours daughter was a teenager?

Maybe it's 'natural' to also feel repulsed by it as a woman. We can't help our 'primal instincts' to want to protect our daughters.

My husband is younger than me and I’m in my forties so I hope this isn’t the case!

THANK YOU for saying this so clearly.
Classifying sixteen year olds who may have gone through puberty several years ago and may have had enjoyef sexual relationships already as ‘kids’ , and the men who fancy them as ‘perverts’ , is completely unrealistic . Fancying 8 year old kids is a perversion. Blurring the distinction helps nobody.

No doubt. But, around we go again. This instinct is wholesome, whereas the implication is that the male one regarding younger mates is a depravity; it’s no longer appropriate in today’s society, so men should turn it off now. Unfortunately, they can’t, just as a bee can’t stop its reward system lighting up when it sees a flower.

I know what you mean, re the comparison with women who flock around men with status and wealth.

But I think it's a bit different, as it sounds like most men (regardless of whether they are in a loving relationship) are still drawn to looking at/ fantasising about attractive women, maybe every day until the day they die! This is why women can feel insecure and/ or repulsed by it.

I can't speak for all women, but I am pretty sure that most of us don't glance at men in the street who seem to be wealthy/ high status and immediately start fantasising over him. I know there are some women who would only want a man for money, but honestly I don't think it's the majority. I don't think most of us would ever really think about it.

When I am in a relationship with a man I love I don't even think about other men, regardless of how much money or status the other men have! That's the difference.

Why are you more likely to have an emotional connection with someone your own age?

I have had relationships with men the same age, younger and older. The only one I felt strongly emotionally connected to (enough to marry him) was/is older.

The ability to perform declines with age, but the urge to do so often doesn't. It's like the headless chicken, only in reverse.

A chicken-less head 😁

Fair enough, it's not a direct equivalent. But the eye-rolling from the other side is the same, I would say.

This discussion seems to be between women who (a) accept this is how men are, but expect them to control themselves and behave decently, and (b) women who consider this male impulse a moral abomination which should be rejected outright.

I'm not quite sure what you want. I'm guessing it is validation that your interest in young women as an older man is healthy and normal. There will be people who agree and people that don't.

But in terms of public opinion, it has become more taboo to fancy teenagers, and rightly so. Men and their sexual urges can obviously be problematic (to say the least) for women. Men are more likely to be paedophiles, there's global trafficking of young (poor) women and girls, rape and sexual violence is common, girls are married off to old men.. Younger women and girls are more vulnerable. In recent years, women have been speaking up about this problem with men and it has influenced public discourse. And I'm happy about that.

You can have whatever thoughts you want but it's better (and more beneficial for society) to protect young women and girls from people with these 'primal instincts'.

I know people will respond saying it's not children but adults in their late teens/early 20s they're talking (thinking) about but once there is a shift in acceptance and less stigma, the age will get lower and lower. Take racism for example. We added brexit/Farage/Trump to the mix and now it seems racism is becoming more accepted with things gradually getting more disturbing.

Why on earth would you assume an older man? I'm not even male, as it happens. I simply have a basic understanding of biology. It's simply a fact that evolution has selected for males, of any species, who prioritise fathering offspring. Clearly, the most effective strategy for doing so is to find a young, fertile mate. Therefore, evolution has hardwired males accordingly; males who didn't pursue this strategy died out. Therefore, men cannot choose to not find young, sexually mature females especially attractive, because the part of the brain that does the choosing is not subject to the conscious mind. Why on earth is this controversial?

OMG... absolutely this, with bells on.

Jimmy Carr is an odious, offensive (tax-dodging) bigot, and is about as funny as a burning orphanage.

@ishmaell "This discussion seems to be between women who (a) accept this is how men are, but expect them to control themselves and behave decently, and (b) women who consider this male impulse a moral abomination which should be rejected outright."

Yes, exactly. I think it can be difficult for women to understand, as obviously it's not the same for us at all, so it's difficult to relate. We can't understand why some men would find it so difficult to control themselves and behave decently, when it must be clear to most men that excessively lusting over women can cause pain and harm to women (in many ways).

Good point.

In terms of what is considered attractive I think men do have a longer shelf life. Just look at the stark contrast between adjectives that are used to describe older men vs women. Distinguished, suave, silver fox, mature, bachelor vs hag, crone, frump, mutton, granny, spinster.

Do you remember 'THE 100 Sexiest' Lists in magazines? Half the list would be men 40+ as voted for by women. The sexy women list would be full of women under 35 as voted for by men.

There is the famous saying in Hollywood about women not landing roles after 35!

I wouldn't know about the gay dating scene so I can't comment. But from dating online when I was single at 24 I put my preferred age range from 28 to 45. If I were to become single now at 34 I would put my age range at 38 - 50. If I were to become single at 50 I don't think I'd bother at all! But if I did, the range would be 50 - 60.

This is what I mean by the dating pool shrinking for women in particular, as the majority of women don't care to date much younger men whereas men often do.

I remember dating profiles of men in their 60s with minimum age requirements of 25! God loves a trier! 😑