Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

[AutumnSquashSoup]

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

Sell the xbox to cover the cost of the TV.

Ditch this utter cretin and his son. Seriously you are being abused by him and his son. You must get rid of him. He is not fit to be a partner or father. Awful vile creature he is.

If separating isn’t an option you want, changes need to happen. His son is only allowed in the home when his Dad is there to look after him. What is his behaviour towards his Mum? Is she at risk from him?

This is so close to “if you hadn’t wound me up I wouldn’t have smashed up the house/ got blind drunk/ hit you/ stopped seeing the kids/ called you abusive names”

And he’s just passing this on to his son.

Agree.

You have a baby and another young one? Please don't stay in this environment. His son throws a controller at the TV and it's your fault. He has anger management issues. The dad needs to step up and parent his son. Or kick them both out.

Well he has told you that he is on his son's side, and that he will always be on his son's side and blame you.

So you don't stand a chance.

And your kids will grow up seeing him side with his violent and destructive son against you - really really not good.

I do actually have some feelings around the difficulty for first-family children seeing their parent become full time Dad or Mum to younger babies while they get batted between houses etc. I think it is much harder on children than adults all boosted up in their new relationship often realise or admit - or care about.

But your DH can't help his Ds navigate this by ignoring aggressive and destructive behaviour. Or help the relationship develop by letting his Ds know that he will never take him to task for being aggressive and rude towards you.

So unless you can get your DH to see all this, there isn't really a rosy future, as far as I can see.

Do you have any family? Can you go somewhere else? You should not put up with this as it is damaging to your children never mind you. No wonder his son is as he is. Your two will be the same if you don't dump him. Better to suffer alone now than regret in the future. Its also not just YOUR future. Please try to get rid of him.

This is not a healthy environment for you of the younger children. Seriously, please consider ending this relationship if he condones violence from his son. At least could he be there when the son is there. Son shouldn't just be there with you and 2 young children if unable to control his temper.

So he's kind of blaming you for it, great.. Teens can be like that when you try to interrupt computer time. It's not Fortnite he's playing is it? It's absolutely not your fault and I wouldn't panic either. If I'm being honest, a TV was broken in our house too a few years ago during a run in with my 13 year old son over computer time. It hasn't happened again thankfully. I have to admit though, I did give up after awhile and now I allow him eat dinner in his room.. He's doing great in school (it's what I've been consoling myself with) so hopefully it won't affect him. I would talk to him when he's relaxed a bit or at the weekend. You might get through to him better then. Tell him it's hard for you with the baby and you would appreciate his help in this. Arrange a time for tea well in advance. His dad on the other hand should be supporting you and helping you in this! Talk to him too at a good time about needing his support with this

This. It’s like a thread a day about women being so desperate that they will put up with any loser to not be on their own. Guarantee he is as pathetic in every other way

God the things some people put up with. Incredible. Why??!??! You have choices! Don't let this prick ruin your life.

The ops husband condones this behaviour, this has nothing to do with how the op spoke to the boy.

Your DP is an abusive bully, so no wonder his son is like he is. They’re cut from the same cloth. I completely understand that feeling of walking on eggshells and like you’re on edge all the time. None of this is your fault You’re being abused in your own home - and with young children present too.

You’d be much happier without your DP and his son. You’d don’t have to stay with him just because he’s the father of your children. There’s a way out.

You know that is not acceptable, terrible parenting. It sounds like you are not married. Who owns the property? If you, kick them out and change the locks. If it is your partner's home, find a basic rental until you get back on your feet.

Do not put up with this. The immediate upheaval will be destabilising but ultimately so rewarding
Be brave and take the next step

I don’t understand posts like this. Is it a lack of real world experience or such high levels of privalege you actually think just kicking him out is an option. Thay she can afford to pay for the home and her share of the kids costs, as well as herself, by herself, she can just kick him out, and pay for it all herself, other than whatever child maintenance she is owed? They don’t even appear married, I’m not sure she works. She’s not even said if they own their home, rent it, whose name it’s in. But yeah, just kick him out then get your arse up the money tree.

yeah he’s the dad to both my kids the baby and my eldest so it’s not that simple to just tell him to get out even though I know you’re all right

It is that simple.

Your kids deserve to grow up in a violence free house - because, at the moment, they live in a house where their half-brother is violent. That's not acceptable.

That is no way to live. You may find it hard to tell him to leave but life will be so much better without this man child.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. 1. The Xbox would be traded in if it's his and the money would be going towards a new TV (or SS would be banned from using it if it belongs to the household). 2. He would be working the remaining debt of the telly off through giving up any pocket money, birthday/Christmas money and doing work around the house. This lad should not be allowed to dodge accountability and he is the one who should pay for it (yes his dad should front the money and he should have to repay his Dad but I don't think Dad will make his son pay him back which teaches the lad the lesson that he gets bailed out when he's behaved unacceptably). Also your DH"s attitude sucks. I'd be telling them both that if the above isn't met they could both get out and find elsewhere to live (assuming this is your house OP otherwise I'd advise you leave and don't accept this crap)

Just to add, I left an abusive relationship. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. I did not want to end up like my nan, at the end of her life, saying she was glad it was over.

Agree 100% with this. OP - it's time to make a decision on how you want your future to be but remember the more abuse you accept from them both the worse it will become. Get rid and be happy.

And don’t feel stupid. Doubtless he was sweetness and light in the beginning, abusers usually are. You now have two children to him so he “knows” you’re not going anywhere so he doesn’t have to make the effort to mask anymore. Also for misogynists like him, the woman you have got is pretty much automatically devalued as opposed to all the other perfect women out there on Insta and Only Fans who are not only hot as fuck, but don’t nag, whinge and look tired.

It’s not you, it’s him, but you do have to leave however hard that is.

If she lives in the UK then absolutely she can. It’s literally what our benefit system is for.

'Abused' is a word thrown around a lot nowaday, but i dont teally understand how either the partner or SS has 'abused' her.

OK so stay in a situation that won't improve if dad of teen who has anger issues suggests it's her fault. Where does that go? He breaks more things? He hits out at her or at younger children? Dad is not stepping up and perhaps some radical action (sort it or we split up) is needed. Not dealing with this type of situation could lead to someone becoming seriously hurt. I've seen it before.