Expensive meal to be invited to do we back out

[workingitout1234]

Invited to a family meal on Saturday for FIL bday, not a main milestone (if it was different story)
they have chosen a fancy venue and it’s set menu starting at £36 per person, plus we have to pay £15 for our child
I had a baby 4 weeks ago and are on statutory maternity pay and am scrimping day to day, we have 2 children. I have to consider if I go to a soft play, I can’t ever buy coffee, I have to return unwanted gifts to get things we need.

what do we do? I don’t want to be rude but I feel like this is too expensive and I can’t lie it’s made me feel really sad about money.

have spoken to my husband and he is also shocked, I’m going to let him handle it and make the decision but I feel like nearly £90 is too much money for a meal out
have eaten there before and the food was awful it’s all about the showing off the venue

The unreasonable person is the one who expects you to go out for an expensive meal even though you have just had a baby. I know it's hard, but just get your husband to say "no". If fil wants you all there then he will have to help out. Older people forget how difficult it can be when you are young and trying to keep a roof over your heads.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the FIL to choose a £36 restaurant for his birthday.

As I said earlier, even Pizza Express wouldn’t be much cheaper and personally if I’m going out I’d rather spend a few quid more if I’m going to get a good meal rather than frozen food.

The OP is equally reasonable though to decline the invite.

He doesn’t want to basically he wants us together for the day which is lovely of him

The OP is not being unreasonable declining the invite. They've just had a baby she's on SMP. Money is tight

Possibly because that second child is much more precious and important to them than being able to afford an expensive but junky restaurant for a not super important occasion.

Just to let you know OP that the high income child benefit charge is now at income over £60k, tapering off to nil at £80k so it may be worth reviewing and seeing if you can claim

FFS

Tbh £36 is unfortunately not expensive for a restaurant meal now.

Eh what utter tosh!

£36 is unfortunately not an expensive meal nowadays; and they are close family that are inviting them out the'd likely complain/feel excluded if they were not invited so that is nonsense that the FIL is being unreasonable.

As many have said myself included just be honest...why all the palaver just say it is not affordable simple is best, why go around the houses with excuses.

So many people just cannot afford this though. They just don’t go out if this is the cost per person.

The bill not just be £36 per head.

I'm at the situation where some days I don't eat because I don't have the necessary information for Universal Credit's random fraud check. Work have cut my hours to 4 a week (zero hours), occasionally 8. That means I have £5 a day to live on and that includes non food necessities, the electricity meter and fares to work. £36 per head would not be happening.

Bail out and be honest, nothing wrong with your husband's parents being aware of where you are at financially. If we went out for FILs bday we would be expected to cover them too, so it's not just your own meal costs either.

Just tell them straight you can't afford it and you didnt like the place much previously.

Because they have a right to experience the joy of having a child!....and it doesn't have to cost too much if you're sensible and budget correctly. This meal out is not part of that budget plan. At the end of the day they get to choose what they think is worth paying for or not.....
It's wrong to judge!

If in-laws invite you to a birthday meal out then they should pay. I'd tell them you can't afford it as Xmas is coming and you have DC to buy for.

I thought that. I mean we go out to eat quite a lot but never bother with starters (always tiny) or desserts (just sugar and crap). Anywhere that only offers a set meal is probably a dump.

I'd say unfortunately we can't make it this time, but really hope you have a wonderful time, & leave it at that. If they want details I'd say, with the cost of everything. it's just not feasible at the moment with the new baby, etc. We've had people say this to us, & it's completely their right to not go, & we weren't offended. (If they really want you there, let them pay.)
I really hope they're understanding.

Just say you'd love to go but really can't afford it. Invite them round for a meal or birthday tea and make a lovely home made cake. Shows you care

Hang on - you've literally just had a baby. I wouldn't even consider going out to anything in those early months! It's not an excuse - you are recovering from the birth and having sleepless nights. Just say we'd love to come but we are slightly knackered at the moment 🤔

You wouldn't even consider going out to anything during those early months?

I went out places. I thought that was normal.

Personally that was when we went out most because DC1 was portable and likely to sleep the entire evening.

Well I'm a grandma in my 60s so I think things are different now. I think new Mums and Dads these days are determined to carry on 'having a life' despite having new babies and under 5s, whereas my generation were more inclined to stay home and were happy to make the necessary sacrifices in those early years. People didn't have so much disposable income as they do now. We had our first weekend away without children when ours were 11 and 5! My daughter thinks that's dreadful! 🤷

" I think new Mums and Dads these days are determined to carry on 'having a life' despite having new babies and under 5s, whereas my generation were more inclined to stay home and were happy to make the necessary sacrifices in those early years."

I'm 50, so not a youngster...my three are all young adults now. I don't remember my parents or any of their friends not going places because they had under-fives. What are you talking about? This post is about a family meal out, quite unremarkable to attend with wee ones.
'Necessary sacrifices' - aye ok then.

Eta: I'm not saying the OP has to go...just that the suggestion of staying in for months because you have a baby is weird.

If it’s too expensive, then don’t go. 🤷‍♀️