Expensive meal to be invited to do we back out

[workingitout1234]

Invited to a family meal on Saturday for FIL bday, not a main milestone (if it was different story)
they have chosen a fancy venue and it’s set menu starting at £36 per person, plus we have to pay £15 for our child
I had a baby 4 weeks ago and are on statutory maternity pay and am scrimping day to day, we have 2 children. I have to consider if I go to a soft play, I can’t ever buy coffee, I have to return unwanted gifts to get things we need.

what do we do? I don’t want to be rude but I feel like this is too expensive and I can’t lie it’s made me feel really sad about money.

have spoken to my husband and he is also shocked, I’m going to let him handle it and make the decision but I feel like nearly £90 is too much money for a meal out
have eaten there before and the food was awful it’s all about the showing off the venue

Absolutely this ^

If it were me I'd say I couldn't afford it. I don't have PIL but if I did I hope they'd understand.

You need to explain you can't afford it .
Honestly
If I was inviting relatives to a meal ,I would pay for them ..not expected them to pay for themselves and quite possibly me .
Whoever invites should offer to pay

@workingitout1234 don't do things you can't afford. If they really want you there, tell them they can pay for you to go.

we will go out for a bite now and again to spoons, a Chinese or Indian with a bring your own wine etc. it’s much less than £36 each

I thoroughly enjoy a spoons curry with a drink for £12 and paid only £9 for this recently! I can sit and enjoy knowing I can afford. Our local spoons is quite a nice one as spoons go.

Well that's fine but it's a birthday meal so he's hardly going to choose a Wetherspoons curry and a pint for a tenner?!

I always read this IL threads thinking "what would the OP do if it was her parents?". It always seems to be "I don't want to invite ILs for Christmas" or "I don't want to take baby to meet ILs" without a thought that this is your husband's dad... And how would you feel if your husband said you couldn't go to your mum or dad's birthday meal?!

have spoken to my husband and he is also shocked, I’m going to let him handle it and make the decision but I feel like nearly £90 is too much money for a meal out

Why is he shocked? £90 for a set menu for 3 people isn't expensive at all - no matter where you are! Me and DH go to the pub for a meal once a month and it's usually £100 for 2 of us. And that's just a bog standard country pub!

I feel the issue here is that you don't want to celebrate with your FIL rather than the cost... Especially seeing as though you have said you earn too much to claim child benefit...

Perhaps OP thinks that whilst income is reduced it makes more sense to keep savings in reserve for unexpected expenses like a broken washing machine than eating out? A very responsible mindset I think. Even if they have a very healthy safety net it strikes me as silly to "dip into" it for things like eating out.

It's family.. I would just be honest.. if they are reasonable people they would understand

What on earth do you have at a pub that comes to £50 each? I’m damn sure I wouldn’t pay the equivalent of a week’s shopping for a pub meal! Did you have loads of booze?

Just say you're too tired so soon after giving birth.

Who invites people out for a birthday meal then charges them to chip in? Shocked. They should host it somewhere they can afford to pay for the guests!

Some of us genuinely can't afford that amount of money, and yes, I often celebrate my birthday in Wetherspoons if I can afford it. Right now I'm missing food altogether some days.

Just say baby isn’t well and therefore only your husband can go to his dad’s birthday meal. Really simple @workingitout1234 I don’t understand why it has to be £90 or nothing, unless you’re one of those couples

Honestly if struggling with money , which you are , then wasting £100 on one meal , seems insane

dh going on own makes sense

our or curiosity if this was your dads birthday and same situation. What would you happily do @workingitout1234?

Starters - £10 each
Mains - £20 each
Dessert - £10 each
Drinks - 2 glasses of wine (£9 each) and 2 beers (£6 each) - £30

This is pretty standard in any pub these days.

I wouldn’t spend £10 on a starter, or dessert and not £9 on a glass of wine in pubs I go in, ( infrequently) and they are very nice pubs!

If dh and I invited our children to one of our birthdays we’d obviously be treating them as WE’D invited them! I wouldn’t ask someone let alone a relative to my home for dinner and expect them to pay, no different in a restaurant.

Politely decline, having a very young child can be used as a reason if need be.

Could your husband go on his own?

Screenshot of the starters at our local pub. And we're in the North, not London!

Well unfortunately if we decide to eat out locally then those are the prices they charge so it's either pay it or stay home!

But there is a choice, starters needn’t cost £10 etc

This is how it is in my family too

No wonder pubs are closing- many can’t afford to eat out now.

Aren’t you a rude one?

Not sure why this wouldn't post last time!