DD’s dad’s partner at my child’s autism assessment

[Desperatelyed]

DD is 6 and going through the autism assessment.

me and her dad were never together but we have co parented well since she was born. When DD was 2, he married his now wife. I have no problem with her, but she looks down her nose at me.

DD is with her dad half the week, and half with me. Her dad usually works nights so his wife will get involved with getting my DD to bed etc, and she has picked her up from school. I think that’s an overstep in itself but nothing I can do.

his wife is now pregnant.

DD has parent interview coming up for her assessment. He requested 2 separate appointments, which they’ve allowed.

He told me that his wife will also be going to the appointment with him. I’m angry about this. It isn’t her child?

Dd dad argued with me and said his wife spends a lot of time caregiving to our DD so she should be there. Why would she even want to go ? Can I stop her?

OP your just going to have to accept that she's a big part of your childs life. It is what it is. It doesn't sound like she's mean or rude to your DD, sounds like she's really involved and actively wants to support her

YABU. You need to put aside any feelings you have about this woman and focus on what's best for your DD. 3 adults who love and support her? What a lucky girl

Why should she go to assessments, parents evenings, sports days, be there for Christmas etc. and all whilst making out in a shit mum

I really don't understand why you posted. literally every single poster told you you are unreasonable. Anyone else would take a moment and reflect. Instead you post increasingly bitter and childish responses. What the point of this whole thread for you? and sorry it didn't go your way!

You're being utterly ridiculous now. Have you even read the replies here? Try and take them in.

Or maybe your DD genuinely wants her there.

she is parenting her half of the time. Just as much as you. She is an integral part of your DD's life.

How typical that the wife should be more involved in the care of your child than her own father. Were I in this position I think I'd save my annoyance for him.

How is she making out you’re a shit mum?

oh come on. who wouldn't want to go to sports day? If his wife looks after her regularly why wouldn't she want her there?

Why are you doing this to your daughter? don't make her feel uncomfortable for caring and enjoying her relationships with other significant adults in her life?

my niece gets about 15 different friends and family at her sports day! Its great to see all the people who care about her and are cheering her on to win.

Why should your DD miss out on support and love because you don't like it?

You havnt given any examples of how she makes out like your a shit mum. Do you think she's better than you?

If you’re behaving like this you are a shit mum.

Sadly, I think this is a fair assessment.

Your method of parenting at home where your present DP doesn’t involve himself is literally a breeding ground for resentment.

Inserted herself!? @Desperatelyed wtf! She’s doing a lot of the work in logistics for your dd, so of course she’s (a) built a relationship with her SD, but also (b) why shouldn’t she get to have some of the enjoyment of events like sports day etc, if she wants to attend?

I dare say DD wants her there, it’s not a competition love, relax and allow it. You’re causing problems where there needn’t be.

Unfortunetly I do agree. It's really really selfish and no doubt must be making the child feel incredible uncomfortable.

Be careful OP, your going to create your own reality if you don't stop. Clearly your jealous and feel replaced as such..... if you carry on making your child feel uncomfortable and being bitter/argumentative around her your literally going to push her into the arms of the woman your tryinf to keep her away from 🤦‍♀️

My partner went with me to my kids’ sports days, competitions, spent Christmas and birthdays with us, etc. He took my kids out for driving lessons, took us to GP and dental appointments, etc. Along with their dad and his partner, he is an active participant in our family. He never made things more difficult for the children - he made it easier. That’s what a good partner does. You should be pleased this woman is actively caring for your daughter - it is her stepchild and soon your DD will have a new brother or sister.

Assuming you have a secure home, why do you send your child to be cared for by some woman you feel doesn't like you for half of the time? You have no idea how she's raising your child. Imo children are generally better off with their Mothers. If she doesn't like you she'll brainwash your child into not liking you by building up this negative impression of you to your child over years (even if it's not true and she doesn't have anything of substance to say). Then the child will get older, stop talking to you and move in with them. I've seen it happen more than once. On one hand it's great she's taken on this helpful role but it can't really be considered overstepping if the child has needs and you're not meeting them/dumping the child on other people.

she's his wife? Maybe they want your daughter feel like she's included and part of the family, rather than a spare part from dad? especially with a sibling on the way.

DD knows you are her mother, this woman is not a threat to you.

You should be happy that she has a caring and involved step mother.

How is she making out you're a bad mum?

My son's dad and his ex were together for around 6 years. We do 50/50 shared care so obviously she's a big part of our son's life. I was a little wary of her at first just because of my own insecurities tbh! But as we got to know each other we got along great and my son absolutely loves her. We all went to parents evenings etc together and I found her input very helpful.

They're split now as he cheated on her as he did me but that's another story! Her and I still speak regularly and my son still has a great relationship with her which I facilitate.

The way I see it is, the more people in my children's lives to love them and be there for them, the better!

Why would you try and alienate his wife who is looking after your child and cares enough to want to be involved?!

It amazes me how jealous some women are and will jeopardise the welfare of their child just to be spiteful to their child’s stepmother.

You so t have to be best friends with the woman but you should embrace the fact she cares about and for your child.

Can only assume you are being deliberately obtuse - it is perfectly reasonable that someone actively involved in looking after a child may have valuable input at such a meeting

Some other woman came along to your child's parent's evenings?! And you allowed that...

Hopefully the OP reads your posts and keeps in mind this is where she's headed if she continues to let someone else raise her kid.

She has a point. You don’t seem able to prioritise your child’s needs over your own.

Your DD lives with her stepmum 50% of the time, of course she wants to be involved. I think there is some jealousy around the relationship that your daughter has with her stepmum. You need to remind yourself that it is better for your DD if they have a positive relationship.

I know it sounds unkind but holy shit I wouldn't be okay with this happening. But if the OP isn't doing it it's good some other woman is.