AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

[FartyPants9]

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

She’d have had more accurate responses if posters weren’t so stupid and desperate to hear the sound of their own voices and actually read all her posts before commenting. The amount of stupid on this thread is staggering, even for MN.

It is, your putting your father first so he doesn’t complain

Honestly Mumsnet is better than any soap drama..but back to this drama..my mother died suddenly 7 years ago...I'd stand upside down naked in the middle of my street to have her here complaining of cold feet and putting my heating on..get a grip of your feckin life..running to the kitchen like a bloody child then because they were arguing is even worse..if you didn't want the heating on instead of just siding with your dad..maybe say to mam oh see how I can make you more comfortable first,socks slippers blanket and then maybe heating if still not warm,it's October,I'm presuming your parents are old but by sounding by your teenage antics they could be youngish..older people or people with illnesses fo feel the cold..your parents are not here forever ffs

No need for the ageism.
sounds like the mother has been abusive since she was much younger.

If you’d bothered to read the OPs posts you’d know she’s at menopause age. And that your mother is hopefully nothing like hers.

RTFT, dear.

Jeezo there’s a whole lot more going on here than a disagreement over heating.

Maybe for some reason you may or may not know, he chose to side with you for a quiet life.

IMO it is wrong to have the heating on before the clocks go back.

Wrong 😂

The morality tales about the heating on Mumsnet are batshit.

One day you won't have your mum. Let her feel warm and safe. They obviously have other things going on over that - if they're arguing, to that level, it's not about the heating. Next time have the heating on ready, or, offer get slippers and a throw.

Have you read that the OPs mother has been like this her whole life?

@thepariscrimefiles I would gladly have swapped my home for hers and not be sexually abused by my brother when I was a child.

Nobody is in the right here! It's a dysfunctional family with everyone screaming and stropping - 'high expressed emotion' to use the psychological term. If OP wanted to discuss an abusive childhood, her autism, or anything else, that should have been the topic. Instead, she posted about heating and cold feet, then manipulated the direction of the discussion by drip feeding. The end result is that even strangers on the internet have piled on with overly emotional comments, all arguing with each other, while she's sat back and watched. Much like what happened between her parents, interestingly.

Not sure of the age of your mother but elderly people are known to feel the cold more. I recently reset my mother in laws thermostat ready for the colder weather and was surprised at how high she wanted it set but then remembered her age and generally quite sedentary lifestyle. She lives alone so obviously that's fine for her but if sharing a house together I would make sure that the ambient temperature was reasonable and then provide a blanket if she's colder than everyone else. Maybe also have some spare slippers on hand at yours or encourage her to bring her own.

“Sweating really badly” “I fled”….. I feel that this may be somewhat overdramatic?

We tend to have our house on the colder side to save money but when we have guests we have it on higher as I'd hate them to be cold. Dd2 always feels the cold even when the heating is on so she gets given warm socks and a blanket.
I wouldn't expect a guest to play with my heating though, even a close family member and I think that is rude. You should have offered her something to make her warmer even if you didn't want the heating on.

@Confusdworriedmum I dread visiting my parents in the winter because they have it so hot! I'm visiting dd1 tomorrow for a few days and I sometimes find their house a bit cold (strange as dd1 hates the cold but she just puts fluffy socks on and a throw). I wouldn't dream of turning her heating on but I'm sure she would if I was really cold.

Some parents seem to reach an age wheee they think their comfort is more important than yours even when they’re in your house or car. Heating is expensive and I personally think it’s rude that she did that in your home when two other people didn’t want it on. I think if it were me I would have brought her some socks and a blanket. For me, my Mum always tells me she’s too hot in the car or in my house and I do adjust accordingly out of respect but then I’m cold 😂 I was with my daughter recently in her car and I was roasting but I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking her to change her comfort for mine in her own car. We’re all different I guess.

This particular situation is much more complex. OP drip-fed further information of physical abuse, autism diagnosis, and horrendous family dynamics, all converging to suggest that every person involved is as inappropriate as the other. OP just took it one step further by getting MN posters involved in the hysteria.

Fartypants, from what you say I do not know why you have your parents visit you, especially your mother. Most people in your position would have cut he off.