AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

[FartyPants9]

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

If you have guests in your home you should make sure they are comfortable, nor expect them to be cold...

Since when should the heating be on just because it’s October? It was 18 degrees in west Yorkshire yesterday 😂 Won’t be long and everyone will be moaning about their bills being high because they’ve had the heating on for absolutely no reason!

Why, why can't these be the type of problems I have.

If you’re going to post on a thread, you should make sure you’ve read all the OPs posts. 🤷‍♀️

I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable

Oh the drama 😂

You want an abusive, selfish mother who used to beat you with a riding crop and yells at the top of her voice if she’s crossed?
You must have horrible problems if that’s an improvement but hardly a helpful response.

This isn't about the heating, is it? It's about an entitled horrible sounding parent who is still doing whatever they want to the detriment of OP's mental wellbeing. OP - I would go low contact, you don't need this in your life.

Are you joking? It’s been late teens most days here? Why on earth would the heating be on?!

Was there ‘shaking and crying’ OP?

Reading through your comments, I think it’s clear that you have justifiable reasons to resent your mum. Your OP sounds petty and insignificant but it’s just the latest little straw on the camels back I guess. You need to find a way to deal with the bigger picture so the small things either don’t get to you so much or don’t have opportunity to happen. You know she is like this and it’s pointless trying to reason with someone who just loves a big drama x

I feel for your mother in this. It sounds like she’s bullied by both of you.

This is such a non issue OP.
Do you need validation from the general public about this?

Having your mother screaming obscenities at your father in front of you, in your own home?

Each to their own ...

The mother was the one shouting full tilt, swearing and ranting at OP's dad, in OP's living room.

@AutumnedCrow spanner.

I’m not sure MN is the place to referee these toxic family dynamics.

If she’s abusive and you don’t care if her feet are cold then don’t invite her round.

OPs could help a lot by explaining the context of their issue in the first post, rather than drip-feeding as we've seen here. Suddenly, a lot of retrospective justification comes out when people aren't as sympathetic as hoped.

You're a grown up. Don't go be scared of loud voices.

Obviously a hideous situation and OP needs to stop her parents visiting. Meanwhile though, if mum is visiting and says her feet are cold , giving her something to warm them up is less likely to spark an explosion than ignoring her.

Is it your house or hers?

If your house she shouldn’t have put heating on without asking, but should have put on socks and slippers.

If it’s her house then YABU. And “fleeing to kitchen”? Bit OTT.

I don't feel sorry for the mum but If you read through OPs posts, her dad openly criticises her mum in front of anyone who is there for the slightest thing, putting the heating on, buying the 'wrong' type of yoghurt when no others are available, which normally leads to her mum over reacting, then they both scream at each other and have a massive fallout.

Why would her dad be criticising her mum at all? What the fuck has it got to do with him if she put the heating on or not when it's not even their house, it's not his place to belittle her over it, she shouldn't be calling him names, he shouldn't be criticising and shouting at her.. they both sounds thoroughly horrible people who hate each other to be fair, it takes two people to escalate to a full on screaming match and to do it in their daughters house is disgusting behaviour from both of them.

She was cold, nothing was offered so she put the heating on.. it shouldn't have warranted the response she got or the fallout that ensued that's for sure.

Having read your updates I don’t understand why you still see her, much less have her in your house. She’s an abuser. Stop inviting her over and reduce the time you spend with her.

'Fled into the kitchen' 😂😂 What a drama queen!

What putting the heating on has to do with the dad is that neither he nor the OP, whose house it is, wanted it on.

to be sure the parents relationship is toxic but in this particular incident the mother seems far more unreasonable.