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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

397 replies

FartyPants9 · 06/10/2025 23:44

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

OP posts:
columnatedruinsdomino · 07/10/2025 00:12

But as soon as a guest says they're feet are cold surely you offer socks or a blanket? You sound like you just ignored her.

Fiftyandme · 07/10/2025 00:13

Greenmouldycheese · 06/10/2025 23:47

She was cold. It's October so the heating should be on anyways.

It was 20 degrees outside today where I live in the UK - no way would I be putting in the heating just because it’s October.

columnatedruinsdomino · 07/10/2025 00:16

So when you started sweating/realised the heating had gone on why didn't you just say Is it all right if we turn the heating down for a while now?
No need for arguments. Gosh, the unnecessary dramas that go on in some MN households.

JamDisaster · 07/10/2025 00:20

The issue here is not the heating but the fact that none of you can cope with disagreement without drama.

dailyconniptions · 07/10/2025 00:20

I'd assume the comment about socks meant she was barefoot before, so she was absolutely ridiculous to put the heating on instead of socks and slippers, yes.

AngelicKaty · 07/10/2025 00:21

@FartyPants9 YANBU OP. Majority rules - you and your DF didn't want the heating on so DM should have put something warmer on her feet. On the upside, you now know what to buy her for Christmas - a pair of sheepskin slippers - I'm wearing mine right now and my feet are so hot! 😂

Needspaceforlego · 07/10/2025 00:24

Op stop being dramatic. Your mum aas feeling cold.
She might just be old feeling the cold, might be Reynolds, might be arthritis, but she made the hint before putting the heating on.

There are certain houses I visit that I wrap up for because I know they'll be cooler than id like

FastFood · 07/10/2025 00:25

It's annoying but certainly not upsetting unless there's a backstory

ChilliMochaCoco · 07/10/2025 00:25

Your mum is cold. Be kind to her and let her have the heating on. Don't follow your dad's mean example

Original poster
FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 00:26

TSMWEL · 07/10/2025 00:07

I live in the NW, even when my house isn’t cold my parents say it is so I put the heating on and end up wearing a vest top and shorts. Because I don’t want them to be uncomfortable. The fact that you’re using the word flee suggests some sort of trauma, are you ok? I don’t think this is because of the heating op

I'm autistic and my mother sometimes shouts and screams at me over the slightest thing (like a tiny speck of flour was left on the floor in her kitchen last month when I baked a cake for them even though I'd thoroughly cleaned the counter and everywhere else).

I left the main room because I couldn't handle the shouting.

OP posts:
CrossChecking · 07/10/2025 00:27

I don't even like my mother but if she said she was cold and asked if anyone wanted the heat on I would taken it as the massive glaring hint that it was and would have hopped up and switched it on for her. It's just what you do when a guest says they are cold isn't it?

Renoonabudget · 07/10/2025 00:27

OP what did you do to make your Mum more comfortable when you refused to let her put on the heating when she was cold? Also did you make a big fuss about sweating to your Dad, so stirred up a fight between your parents then do a runner? Seems all a bit shitty for your Mum.

MidnightMeltdown · 07/10/2025 00:28

It’s October, it’s normal to have the heating on! For biological reasons, women feel the cold more than men. It’s also normal for older people to feel the cold more than younger people. Your father was being a total dick.

Original poster
FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 00:28

dailyconniptions · 07/10/2025 00:20

I'd assume the comment about socks meant she was barefoot before, so she was absolutely ridiculous to put the heating on instead of socks and slippers, yes.

Yes, she was barefoot. I even have heated booties that I bought specially for her.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 07/10/2025 00:28

Libellousness · 06/10/2025 23:45

You can just be annoyed at people when they do things you find annoying. Not everything needs an AIBU post.

I agree.

I've had mine on because my feet were cold. It's normal in October to have heating on and off.

Don't be mean, we are all different.

Delphiniumandlupins · 07/10/2025 00:31

You are the host. The answer to a guest who is feeling cold is not "I'm warm enough" but "How can I help you get comfortable?"

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/10/2025 00:32

I think all cold feet aside.
You need some help to deal with the shouting and find someone who can help you with coping strategies.
It sounds abusive, especially the speck of flour on the floor. You are an adult. Its unacceptable and if you have DC its not good for them to be around it either.

re the cold feet.. if she's sitting on the sofa having not moved about all day, it could be a sign of some kind of circulatory condition and she needs to see the gp for a check up, because that can be serious. Also needs socks and slippers as its October. A fleece blanket is often more than enough to warm people up, if you are worried about fuel costs.

DrowningInSyrup · 07/10/2025 00:33

NapoleonsToe · 06/10/2025 23:56

This is such a non-issue. I do wonder sometimes if we're losing the capacity for independent thought.

This exactly. About as consequential as 'Today my cat ate it's dinner 5 minutes late. Is he BU'.

Galdownunder · 07/10/2025 00:34

What's the big deal? Take a layer off if you're hot and let her have the heat on.

sandyhappypeople · 07/10/2025 00:36

My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

This is a polite way of asking you to turn the heating on. She said she was cold and you just ignored that? So very odd behaviour towards a guest.. you didn't even offer her a blanket or anything??

Kurkara · 07/10/2025 00:38

@FartyPants9 I'm sorry your parents' visit descended in to a shouting match. I can imagine that being really awful.

SnowFrogJelly · 07/10/2025 00:41

She’s your Mum cut her some slack

girljulian · 07/10/2025 00:43

FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 00:26

I'm autistic and my mother sometimes shouts and screams at me over the slightest thing (like a tiny speck of flour was left on the floor in her kitchen last month when I baked a cake for them even though I'd thoroughly cleaned the counter and everywhere else).

I left the main room because I couldn't handle the shouting.

Show quote history

This is such a drip feed

I'm autistic too, it's not an excuse for us to be dickheads.

CoastalCalm · 07/10/2025 00:46

Yes you are unreasonable to be upset that your mother put the heating on , younger people and men don’t feel the cold in the same way older women do and she is your guest

nam3c4ang3 · 07/10/2025 00:50

Yabu. Put the heating on for your mum ffs.