AIBU to say that the future should include multi generational living?

[Cluborange666]

You always see comments on Mumsnet about the failure of older kids still living at home and adult kids being annoying if they are home but I just don’t get it.

Firstly because I actually like my kids and don’t have any issue with them living with us for as long as they want. I don’t want to see them living in some horrible little flat that sucks up all their money. I lived in a freezing flat when I was 18 and it was grim. It didn’t motivate me. It just made me jealous of my friends who were still living with their parents. Poverty isn’t a rite of passage. It’s just depressing.

Secondly, the young ones are going to find things really hard in the future. They aren’t going to be able to follow the same script that our parents did. I see Asian families looking after each other, their married kids with decent lives because they live with their parents (often no need for childcare) and having much more money as a result. The parents benefit too as they have company and support as they age.

This idea that we must all live separately seems counterintuitive to me. Our cave people ancestors would never have lived in separate caves. I think multigenerational living would be better for (most) people - excluding people like me who got away from abusive parents - better for the environment and better for young people as there would be far less pressure on them to pay hundreds of thousands for tiny homes.

YABU. Lots of youngsters can't live at home (or near home) because of the crap job situation. Many graduates never return to their home towns because there are no graduate jobs for them, especially out in the regions, rural areas, run down Northern cities, run down seaside towns, etc. They aren't going to come back to their home town and work for minimum wage in crap hospitality/retail/care jobs if they've got a degree in economics or engineering or actuarial science etc. Not every graduate wants to be a teacher which is one of the few professions were job opportunities are in most towns!

If we want our young to stay close to their home/family, then we need to seriously re-think the employment situation and change things so that there are more job opportunities throughout the UK and not centralised in London and a handful of large cities.

We also need to re think public transport (and roads) so that it's easier to commute if you do want to stay close to home. And introduce things like tax relief on commuting costs to make working and commuting a financially viable option.

I wish my parents had been open to me living with them after uni, they really didn't want me and I felt pushed into some poor decisions because of that.

DS (19) is welcome to stay here after uni as long as he likes - it's just typical that he's desperate not to be still living at home!

Multigenerational living is quite common in Spain and some other European countries.

It’s great as long as you all get on. I would think you’d need quite a large house also! Or somewhere to escape to if unwell/elderly/need a break.

all of the children living with abusive parents are counting down the days until they can be independent. I will not support a system that makes moving out of the family home abnormal. Nor will I support a system that expects children to provide care for their aging parents.

these things can be done by choice, but if they are built into society as the default, people will continue to face abuse and exploitation. Women especially will suffer as they are expected to be caregivers at multiple levels.

Well as luck would have it two of them went to the same university so it worked really well and they both lived in it and pay rent because they have to pay something to live somewhere.
That paid off 20 grand of the Mortgage I put down 20 grand and then there was capital gains of about five which covered the fees.
I’ve given it unconditionally but They were both very aware that there was no more and there really isn’t.
Ideally, what I would’ve liked to have done was not killed the golden goose and just remortgage but they both needed the money at the same time.

I would also say that my kids did not get on well throughout the whole time that they lived together, but they learned a lot about sucking it up and getting on with it and looking at the bigger picture
Obviously no actual abuse but quite a lot of bickering and nonsense that you probably wouldn’t have gone in a normal Student house because they wouldn’t dare talk to other people the way they dare to speak to each other
I don’t think it did them any long-term harm but maybe it might’ve done them both a bit of good in learning how to negotiate reign it in when necessary

Sounds like hell. I would hate as an older person for my adult DC in the prime of their lives with jobs and families of their own to be curtailed in any way by caring for me. It’s dreadfully selfish.
I also do not want to be providing regular childcare or around children (GC or not) on a daily basis when I hit retirement.
All the women I know who have tried this way of living have ended up on antidepressants. Not the men, whose lives carry on much as before.

Our children living with us is fine, would you be happy and have the room for partners and grandchildren though?

OP, I love my ds more than I can say but I don't want the next 20 years with his gaming until 2am at the weekends, or his inability to clean the loo, or his smelly socks on the sitting room floor.

I left home at 18, lived in halls and then a freezing bedsit for five years, while I saved for a flat deposit. It was cold and grim, but I learned to budget, to clean up after myself, to feed myself on very little, to furnish a room on a pittance

It was also much more fun than living at home. I could play my choice of music, stay out or come home when I wanted, cook my choice of food, choose the company I kept. No nosiness or interference from my DM.

My ds will always be welcome but my expectation is for him to fly the nest at either 18 (university) or in his early 20s. I've raised him with that expectation and a good work ethic. He's already working at 17 while at school. I had my first job at 13, so I'm not being unfair. He has boundless energy, and enjoys his job.

Its already available as an option for those who want to take it.
Certainly shouldnt be foisted on those who don't.

Even if everyone gets along, there are several problems with multi-generational living, the main one being the flexibility to move for work. It's bad enough if a one parent needs to move for work, when there's a spouse and 2 kids and the dog. Add in grandparents and the ability to be flexible disappears.

Secondly there would be increased pressure on larger homes, and as housing is a very good barometer of the economic law of supply and demand, the price pressure on larger homes would increase. The upside would be for those happy to live single generation households as may the costs of 2-3 bed homes would go down, or at least not go up so much.

Thirdly - well the care burden falling on the woman of the house

Forthly - we have a divorce rate of about 40%. The financials surrounding divorce can be bad enough without factoring in additional ownership splits

The answer - well I'm not sure there is one, certainly I don't know. But one thing I am sure of - no one way of living suits all families

YABVU. Sounds like absolute hell. I’d never want to live that way.

In theory I would quite like this but only if every family had their own suite of rooms (a family on each floor could work) alongside a common area. I wouldn’t mind too much living with my own family but I’d find it hard to live with DP’s family - not that there’s anything wrong with them - but there’s a lot of them and sometimes they don’t get on that well with each other. I would find it very draining. I don’t want my kids living with me (I love them dearly and they’re welcome for as long as they like) but I want them building their own families and being independent. Part of the fun of being an adult is moving out and living in a shithole for a while - I loved it - it was my first taste of adulthood. I have to say, I would be very reluctant to date a man who lived with 12 of his closest relatives as an adult. It has undertones of ‘failure to launch’.

Yes in the 60s we lived with my great grandma in her 2 bedroomed 'council' flat with a toilet on the outside landing and no bathroom. I shared a bed with db top to tail, my parents had the other bedroom and great grandma had the front room.

I'm curious to know the difference between a 'council' flat and a council flat?

Honest, genuine question though. Was there a difference in her area?

Multi generational living would solve some people’s problems but you’ve made big assumptions like the parents living in a location that is good for job opportunities and educational opportunities for the grandchildren.

I think that if you have more than one child then it’s unlikely to be an option because of a lack of space. I have enough bedrooms for my kids but not an extra bedroom or two for my grandchildren.

I wouldn’t be up for this - I feel the burden would sit with the mum - no matter what, your expected to help, I don’t want to be that help - I’ve raised my kids, they need to move out and get on with their own lives - I did, dh did. We weren’t afraid of being independent adults. Ds works with a 28 year old man who lives at home - mum does all the family laundry. Sil has her two sons and their gf living with her - I’ve never seen her house look so chaotic and messy, she’s exhausted between that and mil living next door and demanding her attention constantly. Oh no that is not the life for me. I want space, peace and calm and no one making demands of me.

It was Liverpool, I'm not sure if it was a council flat but it was definitely rented. It was knocked down in the early 70s and my great grandma moved into a modern council flat nearby. We moved out to Skelmersdale into a new council house.

Get the mothers on their own and I wonder what they’d say? MIL always in the kitchen, no privacy or autonomy? No thanks.

Depends, with my kids or my parents no issues. DH’s parents - no chance! 😁

I already feel sandwiched between my parent and my kids.
I would happily adopt 'van life' and leave the kids with the house, I think. I don't need much.
I suspect a woman down the street has done just that. Judging by the coming and goings.

The very suggestion has sent a cold shiver down my spine. I'd rather live in a tent somewhere than lose my privacy, it would make me mentally unwell.

Dad, care home with Parkinson’s and violence (the most mild mannered man). Mum? Care for 10 yrs. Dunno where that puts us on care costs. There’s no money now.

Great if everyone gets along and is considerate and it's practical for all. I came from a dysfunctional family and tbh if I couldn't have moved out, I don't know how I'd have coped. Probably been homeless or got myself into any old relationship to get away, I don't know.

I feel sorry that money is such now that some young people will have nowhere to turn when staying at home isn't an option for whatever reason.

love my calm quiet house. I love when the kids descend with their partners (no grandkids yet), and I enjoy the noise and the energy, they come over a lot, we all get on very well, but it's nice when they leave

This

It's all a bit wierd when people don't want their adult children to leave home and have independent lives.