AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

The fact that she does “other things” is irrelevant. She plays the piano to a high standard which the vast majority of people cannot do. Your wedding would take up most of her day, plus practice beforehand. To be honest, I think she’s undervaluing herself at £220.

“I think she was insecure because I called her out.”

You “called her out”? 🤣🤣

😂😂

Get a plumber to play then.

Your response here is fascinating - you’re one of those people who can’t take criticism and twists reality so that you’re always right!
I had a boyfriend like that once.

No, you didn’t “call her out” on anything. You asked for a quote and then rudely implied she wasn’t worth it, when it is actually a very reasonable quote.

She didn’t make a personal comment about your relationship - she made a joke about you doing it yourself if you don’t want to pay, and how long it would take you to learn the skill (and thus illuminating how reasonable her quote was). Are you so keen to be affronted/in the right that you’ve wilfully misinterpreted this, or just not that sharp?

You have behaved in a rude and ill-informed way. She is just used to dealing with people like you.

She’s a professional pianist.

whether she usually plays weddings, funerals, concerts… that’s her profession.

And as you said: It’s a “nice” venue. You will therefore spend quite a bit on that venue. But not her services? It’s very likely she felt disrespected and therefore “hit” back.

the remark about your next wedding was a bit much. But you were incredibly rude to begin with!! So shrug it off, find an other pianist and try to be less rude to that one…🤷‍♀️

Your poor poor friend who recommended her friend. She's going to be mortified that you were so rude.

I wouldn't be surprised if that damages your friendship massively.

Me three !! Literally cringing at OP’s
indignation at needing to pay for the pianist -
it’s like she is doing the pianist a favour for being able to hang out ‘in a nice venue with us nice people’ it’s no favour / she owes you no mates rate - pay the going rate - wow

Is this a wind up? You want someone to do a job for you but not pay them appropriately?
Um, yeah, you're being unreasonable.

She could have just said “Well these are my rates and they are non-negotiable”. However, YABU for saying it’s an unprofessional way to speak to potential customers - you’re clearly not a potential customer! You have no intention of paying her rates, and she has no intention of lowering them. Move on and find someone else.

what did you expect NMW ? For a professional Musician?
this must be a joke post

Exactly. It’ll take up most of her day after she’s travelled/warmed up etc. £220 is not unreasonable in the slightest.

I paid a student from my school (under 18) £100 to play bagpipes at our wedding for 30 mins- 10 years ago. And I thought that was a bargain at the time. £220 for a pianist (full time job or not) is very reasonable for a couple of hours. Sorry OP I have voted YABU.

Ah yes, the nice person discount!

You are being unreasonable, she might not be a wedding pianist but she does play professionally. And you need to pay for her expertise and time, which is longer than just the hours she is there - selecting and practising the pieces.

Exactly !! I called her out ??
no, you showed yourself up 😂

Aw bless. Listen I can come and play for you, won’t be a piano, but I do a pretty good three blind mice on the recorder, I might be able to bring a friend so we could do London’s Burning as a round. £50 quid each, plus travelling time and expenses, we will need a room to change/ for the night if you want us after 10.00 pm, plus food and drink.

You didn't 'call her out', you showed your complete ignorance of the skill, time and commitment required of a capable musician being asked to perform in public. You were incredibly cheeky and I'm stunned that you don't realise what a bargain she was offering you, or how rude you've been.

You were rude first!

As if you hoped for "mates rates" just because she is a friend of a friend and then thought it appropriate to say she is too expensive

About time talented people started calling out those who expect services for cheaper than they are worth.

You are not taking into account her overheads, not to mention all of the commitment and practice she puts in and completly embarrassed yourself.

Do you think she just lifts the lid and plays automatically?.

'Mate's rates'? Why? You're not her 'mate'.

No one should ever expect mates rates - if they are offered (to actual friends), fair enough, but should never be expected.

Musician's union suggests she's well in line with standard rates, assuming that includes discussing the set list with you. https://musiciansunion.org.uk/working-performing/gigs-and-live-performances/live-engagement-rates-of-pay/organists-and-ceremonies-rates That's for organists but it's the closest I could find for wedding musicians; organists are often employed by the church so it makes sense that a freelance pianist would be more. (and that's a minimum - London organists would charge more, for example)
The phrase "she does other music work too" suggests she has a portfolio career, very normal, doesn't mean she's a substandard wedding pianist. Almost all musicians have more than one job, whether that's an orchestral role + teaching + string quartet, or weddings + session musician + accompanist, or any other combination of work! Very few people only play for weddings, if only because it would get very boring. Plus they have to deal with people like OP the whole time...

Do wedding musicians not always cost an arm and a leg?! Before, during and after the ceremony is at least 2 hours. A wedding band plays for about 3 hours and often costs a couple of thousand. £220 for 2 hours sounds really good to me😂 Your expectations were the problem here! She had every right to respond how she did when you questioned her worth.

People are always trying to get performing artists on the cheap. She was absolutely right in her response to you belittling her years of training and talents.Sounds like you can't afford what you want. Spotify it is then.

Yeah she was rude but good for her. That’s quite cheap actually
good luck finding someone cheaper

Love her comeback 😂

She nailed it.

I’m not sure what the money for old rope comment means. She has a service that you want, she offered a fair price, and you think she’s rude after saying she was too expensive. She’s not your mate to be offering mate’s rates. Either pay it or don’t, but if you want the music then you’ll have to pay or put on a CD. Or hopefully you’ve paid for Spotify without the ads.