Niece sold family property

[Sodi]

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

I don’t feel this is to do with the sentiment of the history of the flat, it’s the fact that it’s a central London location and would have sold for £££££

Yeah this. OP needs to take really long, hard look at herself and her motivations. She needs to apologise to her niece. And she needs to do some reflection on the things that really matter in life ultimately.

Especially given OPs focus on the different value of the houses she and her sister were given in her original comment.

All she did was mention it, you're the one fixated on it and think you know the OPs motivations despite her stating otherwise.

The poor niece, to lose her mother so young and then have to deal with that outburst from the OP. I could understand completely the OP feeling nostalgic about the flat but to not have a drop of empathy towards her nieces circumstances and the fact that as a young person in university without a job she needs some financial stability is just callous.

I am presuming the OP would have had to sell an asset and take out a mortgage for the flat, she mentioned it was worth far more than the holiday home which is bricks and mortar she still has and can feel as nostalgic as she feels towards it, but a younger person could need the money much quicker than both of those processes would allow.

I can see why the niece put some distance between herself and her aunt, that level of over bearing behaviour probably necessitated it.

Yep she very much mentioned it, glad you agree. You have no idea of OPs motivations at all any more than other people do, despite her claims.

Your opinion doesn't matter at all to me. You should try practicising feeling the same when you see a stranger say something valid and reasonable instead of fixating on the words of total strangers.

Sorry, but you can't possibly have expected her to wait whilst you sold another property.

she likely wanted (and for her own sake and peace if mind needed) the process to be as simple and quick as she could

You have your memories and holiday home...hold on to that and let the thought of the family home go, without resentment towards niece.

At least you have happy memories of there, unlike your poor niece

Saving estate agent fees might not be worth the hassle of having to deal directly with the purchaser! Especially if they want to keep negotiating the price down, which is much harder if you actually know them.

She probably just wanted the best price she could get in the quickest time so she could go and be with her dad and start processing her mum’s death and all that entails. Waiting for other family members to dilly dally around trying to sell their holiday home and so on is just added hassle she almost certainly wanted to avoid.

I can understand the OP feeling wistful about the property but not this. DN has done nothing wrong.

I just want to say, I was never disagreeing with her right to sell, considering the circumstances around my sisters death I’m not surprised she wanted to sell. We would have been able to buy it for market rate if she had given us time to sell the holiday home (which she never holidayed in as she always spent holidays with her father).

This would really be a lot to expect.

You're saying she should've hung around for what could've been an open ended period of time. It also raises the possibility that anyone else in the family with a sentimental attachment to the holiday home might want to be given time to realise other assets in order to buy that, and that you wouldn't want that air b and b'd either

its was your niece's flat. she doesn't need it and sold it. you have no say and no right to have an opinion. The fact that you have memories of your grandparents living there doesn't change that. What an unhinged post.

I think you're expecting your niece to have done a lot of mental gymnastics to have guessed this would upset you so much. I would have thought a holiday home would also hold plenty of fond memories (possibly more as holidays tend to be high points in life), yet you would sell that to buy the flat?

Poor girl.

And that all makes it even less surprising that she didn’t think about the ‘heirloom ‘ status of the flat in your mind.

If she didn’t grow up close to the family with a sense of consistency and knowledge of who had lived there, listened to family stories of generations in the flat, she just wouldn’t know.

It isn’t her fault.

OP, you have lost your parents and sister in a short space of time. Family falling away. It is understandable that the same if the flat, with no time to think about it, has become a focus. But what would you have done with it? It is a huge financial investment, for somewhere you don’t live?

A photo album is one thing, a property that you don’t live in, another. A big commitment for what in the end is sentimental value.

It's pretty obvious from the way OP mentions in the opening post that the flat was if significantly more monetary value than the holiday home and money she was left...

There was literally no reason for OP to mention it the way she did unless she was thinking about the £££

It sounds like your niece has not had the easiest of lives, and unfortunately much of that was down to her mother. She is likely feeling highly conflicted over your sister’s death. Is her father still around? Is he a more reliable presence in her life?

I think you’re expecting a hell of a lot from a bereaved 21 year-old who a) doesn’t have a great deal of support and b) had a difficult relationship with the parent she lost. Would “Ooh, I’d better check Auntie Kate who I barely see doesn’t want to buy the flat before I sell up” really be most people’s first thought in these circumstances? You seem to expect her to know a lot by instinct; not only the fact that you’d want to buy, but that you’d be prepared to sell other assets in order to do so. That’s before you even consider whether it’s reasonable to expect her to wait to do a deal that’s dependent on the sale of another property.

You still haven’t said why you want it - which is obviously your right, because it’s nothing to do with anyone on Mumsnet. But it might help explain why you’re expecting your niece to guess that you’d not only want to buy, but would be prepared to sell other assets to do so.

You and a handful of other posters are saying this like it’s an obvious thing to do; even a breach of some unwritten rule when you inherit a property. I really don’t think it is. Why would the niece think her aunt who already has a home elsewhere AND a holiday home might want to buy this property too?

It's also possible that if DN did consider doing this, she'd have worried about what might happen if multiple relatives want to buy it. OP said family members plural, rather than just OP herself, which suggests the existence of others who could also have been interested.

I totally get where you are coming from. Something similar happened in my family - won't go into details as it's long - but the house had been in the family for nearly a century. We were not given the heads up to the sale or given a first chance to buy it and we were all devastated as it meant as much as any cherished family heirloom, more even. It was a horrible shock.

I now avoid the street where the house is if I can, as It's horrible to see other people living there.

I'm struggling to see why people find the OP's devastation difficult to understand. If it were a huge mansion pile with historical relevance that had been in the family for generations, I think no one would be surprised at her reaction. But because it's a London flat, it seems people see it differently.

Because a mansion with historical relevance and a London flat ARE different. You can’t expect people to view them in the same way.

Ultimately though, if this hypothetical mansion ended up being owned outright by one member of the family, with other family members having inherited other property instead, the owner would still have the right to sell it as they chose.

Apologies I've quoted wrong post! Oops but my view applies.

Should have quoted @BadDinner

I'm struggling to see why people find the OP's devastation difficult to understand

Because "devastation" is completely over the top!

The generations thing is just an abstract notion. It doesn't actually impact her in any way at all. The building still exists. She hasn't set foot inside for several years already. If her parents had felt it was important to keep in the family they would have put it in a family trust rather than bequeath to OP,'s sister. They didn't. They equated it with the 'holiday house' bequeathed to OP.

It's easy to see she might feel sad, just as many do when their old family home is sold, but they don't feel "devastated".

It was her property to do with as she wanted, but yes, she could have given you the option. That said, would she have felt like she would be pressured into keeping it?

OP hasn’t stated that she or any family member was at fault in any way in the death of her nieces mother
First refusal is a simple courtesy

The OP has explained several times that she understands the niece had the right to sell it. That is not what is being disputed. So constant allusions to it are not an argument

The property held sentimental value and she would have preferred first Right of Refusal on the sale for that reason. It doesn't matter if it was a London flat or a country mansion pile, the sentimental attachment is the same for the OP.

Once again... the right to sell is given. But (either deliberately, or out of genuine misunderstanding) the OP's niece did not mention her intentions to sell, thus negating any opportunity for the property to remain in the family.

Families having attachment to homes and/or land and wanting to retain these assets within the family is nothing unusual, so I am surprised at the dismissal of the OPs disappointment and the notion that she could be rightfully upset.

You should try entertaining the idea that you're wrong with your assumption about the OP and then look at why you jump to making nasty comments to someone online who you don't even know

So she wasn’t as connected to your side of the family as you’d have liked. No-one’s fault, but that’s how it was/is.
It explains why she’d have felt no compulsion to give you first dibs on the flat. She just wanted to get rid of it, and that was her prerogative.
I understand you are upset about it, but she did nothing wrong.