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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece sold family property

308 replies

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Glitchymn1 · 06/10/2025 13:19

It’s a shame she didn’t give you first refusal- you could’ve asked I suppose but ultimately it’s too late now and it was hers to with as she pleased.

Didn’t seem a very fair spilt though, but that’s on your DM and too late now.

krustykittens · 06/10/2025 13:35

Sodi · 05/10/2025 22:16

I just want to say, I was never disagreeing with her right to sell, considering the circumstances around my sisters death I’m not surprised she wanted to sell. We would have been able to buy it for market rate if she had given us time to sell the holiday home (which she never holidayed in as she always spent holidays with her father).
I also did try to keep in touch with her but she would never reply to my messages or calls. She and her mum had a very turbulent relationship, her mum wasn’t always the best parent and ultimately much of my nieces teen years were spent with her being shipped between her parents as my sister would want her living there for sometime then say it was too difficult and send her back to her dad in a different country for 2 years and change her mind. This impacted the relationship the wider family had with my niece as we didn’t get to see her very often.

If your relationship was so poor with your niece that you were not a regular visitor to her home, then in a way, the flat was already lost to you a long time ago. Nothing takes away the memories, though, so try and let any negative feelings around the sale of the flat go, it will only cause you stress.

Original poster
Sodi · 06/10/2025 13:38

I appropriate I probably shouldn’t have been harsh on my niece, I guess I had never imagined the property leaving the family. I had no reason to believe my niece had sold it and moved back to her fathers country, though I am glad she has moved to somewhere she has a family and support network.
I don’t have instagram so there was no way for me to receive this news incidentally like my son did, and I have reached out to my niece various times over the last 2 years and I never get replies. If I go into our messages she didn’t reply to the message on the anniversary of her mothers death, her birthday, a link to an event I thought she would be interested in, Christmas, congratulations on graduating from her masters etc. (my son told me she had posted on instagram about this).

I also don’t care about the money, nor do I feel my parents were unfair. They could have never anticipated my sister passing so soon after them, and when they wrote their wills we were both considered. The decision to leave the property to my sister was because she was living there and we knew all too well that if it had been split between us it would have been messy. My sister had very poor mental health for over a decade following her divorce and she was a creative so her income varied often. I loved my sister so was happy to give up some money if it gave her stability. What happened after that was all extremely hard and unpredictable so it’s not my parents fault.
My sister and I had discussed how she would write her will and what would happen with the property then but ultimately she died before ever actually doing this so by default everything went to her daughter.
When my niece and I were in contact she told me she planned to keep the property and would be moving back in once she completed her degree in France. So initially I had no reason to believe she was going to sell any time soon.
Obviously I understand that there is a notable difference between assuming you will be able to live somewhere and the reality of living somewhere with painful memories, so I do not dispute her right to sell the property at all.
It would be unlikely any other family members would have wanted the property as it was my parents for many years and my grandparents passed a while ago, my aunt/cousins have all moved to Australia
now and haven’t really had a connection with the property since my parents took it over.

I have sent an apology message and have said my reaction was totally out of order and I’m deeply sorry about that, I noted she is welcome to visit us anytime and have wished her luck with her new life in her home country.

OP posts:
EgregiouslyOverdressed · 06/10/2025 14:32

Fair play to you for coming back to the thread, OP. Some of the responses must have been hard to read. I am glad that you have made an overture to your niece. It may be many years before she takes you up on your offer but it’s important for you both to know that it is there.

KittyHigham · 06/10/2025 14:34

Good on you @Sodi 👏

EmptyNester25 · 06/10/2025 14:36

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

I'm sure she did have an emotional connection to her own mother's home!

JustStopItNorasaurus · 06/10/2025 14:44

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 06/10/2025 14:32

Fair play to you for coming back to the thread, OP. Some of the responses must have been hard to read. I am glad that you have made an overture to your niece. It may be many years before she takes you up on your offer but it’s important for you both to know that it is there.

Yes indeed.

You have taken the comments on board and clearly tried to make amends. That takes a big person and a reflective person. Good on you.

Sorry for your multiple losses. That's not easy. Thanks

safetyfreak · 06/10/2025 14:58

I am glad you apologised, OP. Your niece will unlikely reply anytime soon, but who knows, years down the line, she may reach out again.

It sounds like she had a tough upbringing with her mother, so it's understandable that she has no sentimental value to the property.

Plugsocketrocket · 06/10/2025 15:01

That is a really nice update @Sodi you are not in control of the response but you definitely put out the olive branch with that. I hope she gets in touch again because it will be good for her to have some contact with you going forward.

HeyThereDelila · 06/10/2025 15:04

I’d probably be very upset too, but the reality is as soon as your DPs left the flat to your DSis then the writing was on the wall. It’s a shame you didn’t know so couldn’t have tried to get the money together, but don’t let this eat away at you or destroy your remaining relationship with your niece. It isn’t worth it and you’d be better grieving and then letting it go.

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 06/10/2025 15:42

Maybe DN did not even realise there was any family history around her flat.
She had a somewhat turbulent upbringing, and so when it came to making a fresh start the chances are she never gave a second thought to who owned the flat before her mother. She may have been oblivious to the fact her DM even inherited it originally

krustykittens · 06/10/2025 16:05

I really hope you are able to build a better relationship with your niece in the future, OP. You can't have too much family.

zingally · 06/10/2025 16:44

I don't really think you have a leg to stand on...

I can understand your disappointment, but unfortunately your involvement with the property ended some time ago. And even if she had notified you, could you have rustled up the money to buy it at pretty short notice?
And honestly-honestly, did you REALLY want it?? I wouldn't want my parents house. I have a house. A rambling 5-bed in very rural Shropshire is of zero use to me.

And remember, you had your inheritance, and presumably you do as you like with it. How would you feel if she started dictating to you what to do with the holiday home?

Not to mention, this is a 21yo girl who lost her mum very suddenly. The onus was on you to keep in touch and maintain lines of communication. The fact that you didn't even know she'd been out of the country for probably at least 3-4 months speaks quite a lot about the relationship. And you only reaching out to tell her off certainly won't have helped.

Remember the happy times with your parents and sister, and try and move on. I always like to think that a happy family home carries something of that love and warmth in its walls. Try and think of it as happily bringing that love and warmth to another deserving family. It's time for someone else to have the happiness there that you were lucky enough to have.

Biskieboo · 06/10/2025 16:48

CountryGirlInTheCity · 06/10/2025 07:27

Saving estate agent fees might not be worth the hassle of having to deal directly with the purchaser! Especially if they want to keep negotiating the price down, which is much harder if you actually know them.

She probably just wanted the best price she could get in the quickest time so she could go and be with her dad and start processing her mum’s death and all that entails. Waiting for other family members to dilly dally around trying to sell their holiday home and so on is just added hassle she almost certainly wanted to avoid.

I can understand the OP feeling wistful about the property but not this. DN has done nothing wrong.

Exactly this. A friend of mine was once in a not too dissimilar situation when she inherited her parent's house. Several other family members said they would buy it, at the market rate, and it would be easy because they knew the provenance of the house already. Cue two years of her being royally pissed about. Turns out that when push came to shove the family members did want a chunky discount after all, and even then the money was always just around the corner, never actually in hand, and eventually the expected my friend to effectively take an IOU for roughly half the purchase price, which she should have been fine with 'because family'. A complete waste of time - she ended up just selling it on the open market and that's exactly what I'd do.

Laura95167 · 06/10/2025 18:22

Could you have realistically afforded to pay for a central London flat you dont even live in?

I think its understandable niece wouldn't assume to ask you to buy it. And its a bit crass saying to family im selling this you can have it for £X knowing its a huge amount. Also youve not visited in a long time. I can totally see why it wouldn't occur to her

alphabetti · 06/10/2025 18:28

She sounds like a young woman who been through a lot of only early 20s and lost her grandparents and mother. Were you regularly visiting your sister there whilst she lived in the flat? Not sure of exactly why your relationship with your sisters only child broke down but she prob suffered too much heartbreak and just wanted/needed the money. Don’t make her feel guilty.

Laurmolonlabe · 06/10/2025 20:12

You really should have raised your objections when you found out your sister was to inherit the property- once it has been inherited twice since you lived in it it really isn't anything to do with you. You were not close to your niece, and did not keep up contact (even if you wanted to keep contact) so it is unreasonable to expect she would tell you that she was selling it.

Jumpers4goalposts · 06/10/2025 20:36

I think YABU about your reaction. However I think this could have been avoided if you’d said to her at the time that if she ever wanted to sell could she ask you first. I know when my GP died we were all given something worth a little bit of money and very old, when my DF gave it to us he said it is up to us if we sell it but could we offer it to him first as he would like to keep them together if possible.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 06/10/2025 20:58

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

YABU - her property to do with it as she wishes. I can understand why you feel disappointed though OP and I would’ve felt the same. Very difficult for everyone involved.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 06/10/2025 20:58

Jumpers4goalposts · 06/10/2025 20:36

I think YABU about your reaction. However I think this could have been avoided if you’d said to her at the time that if she ever wanted to sell could she ask you first. I know when my GP died we were all given something worth a little bit of money and very old, when my DF gave it to us he said it is up to us if we sell it but could we offer it to him first as he would like to keep them together if possible.

Good point.

Jack80 · 06/10/2025 21:23

She could have mentioned to the family she was selling it.

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 06/10/2025 22:10

Your niece,probably didn’t want a battle with you. Given you feel short changed by the inheritance you received she may have thought you’d want the property at a knock down price,and it sounds a bit like it. Even if you didn’t would you have been able to raise the money in a couple of months?

FlyMeSomewhere · 07/10/2025 09:08

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

But why wouldn't she? It's money for her future! She's not going to leave it sat empty if her intention is to live elsewhere.

FlyMeSomewhere · 07/10/2025 09:30

Thing is, it's not that practical to just leave properties sat empty for years because they could get damp issues, musty, mouldy. If a problem arises with leaking or burst pipes etc, nobody knows until suddenly the neighbours are suffering the consequences. It needed somebody living in it. It probably bumps up the neighbours heating bill if there's a cold, empty flat next door / above / below. Also if squatters ever sussed out there was an empty flat and broke in, you have hell of a job getting them out.

catlover123456789 · 07/10/2025 12:13

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 20:23

Why should she?

Show quote history

I didn't say she should. I said its a shame she didn't. When my grandfather's house went up for sale I considered buying it, but I only had the opportunity to make that choice because I knew it was on the market.