Niece sold family property

[Sodi]

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

If the posters’ here saying “tough” found that their niece had sold their parents’ flat without telling them and without giving them the opportunity either to buy it, or even retrieve family furniture, you can bet they would have something to say about it. All they can think about is being the niece and cashing in.

I understand it’s very upsetting OP and it’s not something I would ever consider doing, I guess all you can do is try to make peace with it and count the blessings of your personal inheritance.

You were left a holiday home. Would you expect to consult with every member of your extended family if you wished to sell it?

But what OP is saying is that she would have liked the opportunity to buy it which I think is very reasonable

OP I understand completely and I would have been upset too.
Perhaps, they should have been at least a talk with your sister, when she was still alive, that you wanted to keep the flat in the family and allow family members the first refusal if there was ever an intention to sell, and what were her thoughts about it. If she has agreed, she could have discussed it with your niece.

i don’t understand the point about family furniture- why would you assume there was any in it, and even if there was, why would OP get it? Niece would empty the flat for sale and keep the furniture.

personally I wouldn’t/ wouldn’t have offered the flat to family as I would want maximum sale price and would assume they would low ball me.

Sorry OP, I can see why you're upset but it was her property. She was grieving. She's entitled to put herself first.

Yabu.

You are no longer really in contact with niece and have not really had anything to do with the property for years.

Selling was probably a stressful time for her, and she probably wanted to do it as simply as possible without potentially having family members arguing over who buys it or letting things get complicated

You have your memories, mementos and holiday home, which surely has lovely memories for you and your family

It’s only bricks and mortar so I’m guessing that you're annoyed because you think she’s done well out of your parents inheritance compared to you and your DS?

Is her father’s family wealthier than you too?

You think all those saying it's totally fine for the niece to sell a property she owns are doing so because we are all thinking of the pound signs?

I'm pretty sure most of us are actually considering how hard it probably was for the young women to lose her mum, sell the home and move countries whilst seemingly ignored by her aunt and the rest of her mother's family.

If anything it seems to be the OP who is only seeing the pound signs otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned the disparity between the inheritance.

She was 21 when her mum died and then you fell out of touch with her ?
That's all really sad. It was her house to sell

Gently, yabu to expect her to have checked with anyone before selling her flat. If that is how you felt, you should have said something to her years ago.

I understand though there are emotions at play for you due to it being where you grew up, the memories. It also in a way was probably how you dealt with the loss of your sister.

Unfortunately you took out your emotions on your niece. You know you were being harsh to her, please apologise and put more effort into a relationship with her. You are her auntie and all she has left for an older female relative.

This. Your parents left the flat to your sister and it then became your niece's property. I never understand these divisive wills, why not just leave everything equally split then let the recipients either sell or buy one another out?

I agree with this. You should be ashamed of yourself, OP.
This young woman has lost her mother, doesn't want reminding of the difficult memories and you've chastised her for the way she's dealt with her grief. Absolutely shameful.

It was her property. Her inheritance. Her business.

Why would she check with you? You clearly weren't in touch or visiting if you didn't know the property was for sale or that your niece had moved countries.

It wasn’t the ops parents flat anymore. It was the nieces parents. And the op hasn’t even been in it for god knows how many years. I think the niece was right not to tell them going by this ridiculous reaction to a house being sold that has not had anything to do with the op for multiple years and owners. No doubt the op was after a cheap property at ‘family rates’, and would have mentioned at one point how much more money the niece would have got than her, guilting her into a bigger reduction

When a family member of DH's died the executors realised pretty sharpish that it would be a fucking nightmare with the family. So they put everything up for sale- including furniture and said 'if you want it that badly, bid for it'.

A single person out of the 9 bid for things. When it came to parting with hard cold cash, turned out people did not want things that badly.

I understand that the OP would have liked the chance to buy the property. But she did not keep up with the niece enough to even know the palce was up for sale, and it belonged first of all to the niece's mother. So distant enough in time that the niece probably never thought to inform distant family members.

And I ask again- does the OP consider her holiday home hers... and would she go ahead and sell it without reference to fairly distant extended family.

Your poor niece. She lost her mum at a young age and then your relationship with her broke down. No wonder she went to stay with her father.

but the first time you have contact with her, you were ‘probably’ a bit harsh??? Of course YABU. You know you are. Your husband is telling you that YABU.

It is not the family property. It was your nieces property, to do with as she wished.

Hopefully, you will see that you owe your niece an apology and start to repair your relationship with her.

Yes I do.

Very hard to lose your mum, but very odd not to notify the rest of the family that you were selling their parents’ flat, particularly given OP had herself lived in it.

Perhaps you didn’t read the OP properly - DN wasn’t “ignored” by the OP. She was at uni abroad, and the OP helped with funeral planning, organised insurance for the property and checked it regularly while she was away at uni.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me

It is always a wrench to lose what has been a home but really you have over reacted.

She is a young person, her experience is that it was where she and her Mum lived.

It must have been incredibly upsetting to lose her Mum so suddenly and when she was so young. Of course you would help her navigate the aftermath of the loss of her Mum, your sister, did you mean it to sound as if it was a big favour?

Anyway, as for bring ‘insensitive’ she told you it was just too painful for her to be there. And in the face of her sensitivity of losing her Mum you were harsh.

I know you too have lost your sister, and the flat was linked to that. But it may be best to make your peace with the loss of the flat (do you still have the holiday home? How many properties? You don’t live in London so what would you have done with it?) and try not to dwell on the sentimentality.

The flat did its job, it was there for you , for your sister and your niece when needed.. let it go. The future relationship with your niece is more important.

Fair enough, given she’s the owner of it.

I agree. OP's title makes it sound as though there have been some shady financial shenanigans when in reality, it's just her niece selling a property that she owned and had every right to sell.

Memories are not stored in bricks and mortar, they are stored in your brain. I can absolutely understand your attachment to this property and a heads up would have been nice, but she hasn't deprived you of your memories, they are your real treasure trove.

I think people here are being harsh. Yes, it was the niece's to sell but as long as OP was willing to pay market value, of course it would have been nice to try to keep it in the family considering the several generations who had lived there. The niece didn't ever have to visit if it was too emotionally charged. At the same time, I don't think her niece did anything wrong either. It is sad for both of them to have lost parents/siblings in relatively short order.

I understand you have lost your sister, but I cant imagine being awful to a 24 year old who lost her mum about this. Why would you assume she would have kept it, when it was hers to do as she wished? If you were that bothered, you'd have tried to find out what her intentions were, and how she felt, rather than just assume. Im sorry for your loss, and I understand that this is probably all tied up in your sisters passing. Give yourself some time to cool down. But I think you owe her an apology.

Sorry you are upset OP, but it isn't a family property so much as a property that has been important to several generations of your family and still means a lot to you. Perhaps you could make a montage of photos to remind you, with photos of the people who lived there and visited.

Get in touch with her and apologise for your behaviour and insensitivity.
She sold her property, there's absolutely nothing wrong with doing this.