Niece sold family property

[Sodi]

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

A big difference? Oh come on.

For the last few years the OP has had no contact with her niece so hasn't even set foot in the flat. She lives no where near the flat so isn't walking past wistfully on a regular basis.

To all intents and purposes there's no difference to the OP whether it belonged to her estranged niece or to strangers. There's a sentimental attachment but no actual impact on the OP.

Maybe the niece was well aware that the OP had an unjustified feeling of ownership of this property. Perhaps she felt that it would never feel "hers" to do with as she wished. There must be some reason why she resisted contact after her mother's death.

Feeling sad is one thing. Being angry with her niece is totally out of order.

I just want to say, I was never disagreeing with her right to sell, considering the circumstances around my sisters death I’m not surprised she wanted to sell. We would have been able to buy it for market rate if she had given us time to sell the holiday home (which she never holidayed in as she always spent holidays with her father).
I also did try to keep in touch with her but she would never reply to my messages or calls. She and her mum had a very turbulent relationship, her mum wasn’t always the best parent and ultimately much of my nieces teen years were spent with her being shipped between her parents as my sister would want her living there for sometime then say it was too difficult and send her back to her dad in a different country for 2 years and change her mind. This impacted the relationship the wider family had with my niece as we didn’t get to see her very often.

Your update makes it all even sadder.

Sounds like your niece had an abusive upbringing and her mother died in tragic circumstances due to her mental health?

This poor girl deserves nothing but compassion and support.

Wanted to add please apologize to your niece. She doesn’t deserve your anger, plus she might have assumed given the circumstances of her mother’s death you wouldn’t want to live in it either.

Sorry OP getting that upset and emotional over a flat is where you lost me.

It wasn’t your place and your reaction seems very over the top to me.

YABVU here.

It was her property to sell. It probably didn't occur to her that you may have an emotional connection to it and may want to buy it? It wouldn't cross my mind if I were in her shoes. Particularly at such a young age. She's just done what is in her best interests.

It doesn't sound like you're close, and you've probably ruined any chance of a relationship going forward now with the way you've responded to her.

Oh, and the title of the thread is misleading!

I think the decent thing for her to do would have been to see if any of the family had wanted to buy it first.

Sounds like Dn had very hard time growing up, her right to sell is valid she put the flat on the open market and hopefully that will set her up long term.

How harsh were you?

Your update makes this so much worse, OP. If her experiences by the age of 21 weren’t bad enough you heaped on the coals with your ‘harsh’ response, whatever that looked like.

Your only job is to reach out to your niece, apologise for your overly emotional reaction, and leave the door open for her to approach you one day if she wants to rebuild the relationship.

You're not surprised she wanted to sell due to how her mother died but also expected her to give you time to sell the holiday home first? That's probably the very reason why she didn't tell you.

She wanted it gone, she didn't want to wait.

So you wanted her to hang around whilst you tried to sell the property YOU inherited (I hope you methodically asked every member of the family if that was ok) before she could sell on a property which had huge amounts of emotional damage attached to it and before she could move on and away?

Poor girl.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I understand, it was the family home where the lovely memories were. She should have given the family first right of refusal, but she figured she might get more money from strangers and went for it.

Or because her Mom died there under tragic circumstances she thought no one would want to live there.

I am just curious, but if your son hadn't asked after the flat, would you have even cared about it? You could have made your desire about keeping the flat always in the family and your possible interest in buying it, much, much earlier.

YABU
You were estranged with your niece (who has had a pretty shit hand dealt to her).

Maybe she should have told you but it sounds like you weren't close and the way you talked to her sounds OTT

But it was her property, and her home full of messed up memories of her own family history

She should get the most she could for it to enable her to live her life. Inheritance is to help the inheritor for the future not to help others live in the past

No she didn't, she sold her own property. You sound weird and entitled.

It's plainly apparent you thought you should have inherited the property or been able to grasp some of the money she got for selling it. Well done to her for seeing you coming years ago and just moving on with her life.

It wouldn’t have killed her to let you know and give family members first refusal

She would have saved on the estate agents fees too

Is was left to her not you. I know it sucks but you do not have a leg to stand on.

Maybe the fact her mom died tragically in the home and was a shitty parent made the niece not give a shit if they wanted it or not?

This thread is unfair. Of course you’re right op. Mumsnet is really weird about gifts ans possessions.

Right. And regardless, it had nothing at all to do with the OP whether her niece sold it or not. Absolutely zilch, zero, nada, nothing at all.

I maintain that the niece saw how grabby OP is and exited stage left because she knew there's be trouble brewing.

OP going on about the different values of the houses she and her sister were left in the first post makes it clear she thought she was hard done to, and I am betting that her niece knew she'd be trying to bargain her down from the asking price if she even mentioned selling it. So she just sold her OWN property and escaped.

The whole post is just weird and super entitled.

You think a 21 yo who lost her abusive mom tragically in her condo and didn’t really know the family owed the OP something?

Op is unfair.

It was never OP’s properly, no matter the emotional attachment she had/has to it. It was solely the daughter’s property to do what she saw fit with. The feelings of OP, someone she has little interest in maintaining a relationship with, did not oblige her to do anything other than what she did. Op feeling bad about it doesn’t mean her niece did anything wrong.

Agreed. I think especially in light of the update it's plainly obvious why she wanted to sell ASAP and not wait around for the OP to sell the other property so she could buy the nieces property.

I'm genuinely often staggered by the selfishness of posters on MN but I think this thread is possibly one of the worst I've seen in a while. The poor niece no wonder she wants nothing to do with the OP.