Niece sold family property

[Sodi]

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

Lovely update OP. I think your reaction was very human and understandable. I think its also pretty hurtful that your niece does not seem to want you in her life anymore. That's hard especially as she is the connection to your sister. I also get why this grief might be why niece has pulled away too. We all process differently.

I don't see how it matters though. OP's relationship is with her parents and the previous generation and the house, not with her niece specifically.

Because it was the niece who ended up owning it? If they had been closer then it's likely the niece would've understood OP's emotions.

Though in saying that, she may still have decided to get rid of it ASAP without waiting around for OP to sell the holiday home due to her own emotions about the place.

Well I hope in the fullness of time your niece reconnects with you and it all gets a bit easier for your relationship

So why should the niece give a crap about what the OP thinks of her decision to sell up?

You may have ‘liked knowing it was in the family’ but your niece owned it and decided to sell it because it had painful memories of her mothers death. She had no obligation to check with you during what sounds like a terribly difficult time for her.

So sad lost her mum and you did this. I feel so sorry for her tbh and hope she is happy where she is at now.

Because it's OP's family home. You don't have to see someone regularly to respect them.

The OP hasn't lived there for donkeys years. If anything the niece probably feels like it's more HER family home, considering she grew up there with her mother?

I understand her need for a clean break and keeping it in the family, keeps the connection to her mum and the grief alive for her.

Her property her decision despite the long history.

Having an auntie who isn't there for her in the wake of her mums death, didn't know she'd left the country to find family she clearly needs, I think you've lost any moral high ground to play the family card to be honest!

Hubz is right. Move on. You have wonderful memories that don't get deminished they are life long.

Also I absolutely bet money you'd not be able to afford market value and want a discount for family... selling to family is also a minefield!

I would never sell to family - can create a whole host of problems. Business and family generally doesn't generally mix well.

Livid? And what would you plan to do with that lividness?

Regardless of your relationship with your niece, would it even have occurred to her to ask you if you wanted to buy it? Would it occur to most people to ask aunts or uncles or cousins if they wanted to buy a property they were left?

I think you should have been more focused on keeping the bond with your niece instead of the bond with a building . Maybe if you did you would have had a chance to buy the apartment yourself . A house is just a house ! You need to focus on what’s important.

It's not her family home. It was the niece's home, and she owned it.

Honestly I do understand why you are upset and yes it would have been nice if she had offered you first refusal. But as you've said you are not close. You also don't seem that interested in the property until its gone. What would you have done with it? You live nowhere near it. It would be a huge shame for it to stand empty. It sounds like the memories of it where tainted by your neices loss for her. I'm sure your sister wanted the best for her daughter more than she wanted the flat to stay in the family and its likely that the sale of the flat has set her up pretty well financially. And it is possible she couldn't afford to run and maintain it. Its an old property so even if she rented it out she would still have to be maintained and repairs done that she might not have the money to do upfront. If you are that broken hearted about the property there is nothing stopping you sending a letter to it asking the owner if they ever wish to sell you would be interested in buying. If the property is being let then it may still get passed on to the agent or owner. It might not come to anything or by some twist in fate it might.

Thanks for the update, OP. I'm glad that you've acknowledged that you were harsh, and that you have reached out to your niece. I hope amends can be made.
You have a home. This property was not your home, nor yours to have a say in the sale of. I hope that you can move forward now, because the relationship is more important than you getting the property.

No, and I think she's been very unreasonable here, but at least she's apologised to the niece for her harshness.

The neice did have an emotional connection to it, but it was a sad one not a happy one

That tends to be the reason people sell things.

If it was so important how come you hadn’t been there in years or noticed it had been sold until you asked about it?
I would be miffed if my aunt who hadn’t even noticed I had left the country started asking about my property tbh.
I agree with this

But what OP is saying is that she would have liked the opportunity to buy it which I think is very reasonable

Realistically could the op even afford it, and really want it as she says it is a central London location.

I think money and envy is the crux of this.

Things change and it was a ' family home' for a while but nothing stays the same for ever. By the time.the niece had got it , it wasnt your family home any more.

much of my nieces teen years were spent with her being shipped between her parents as my sister would want her living there for sometime then say it was too difficult and send her back to her dad in a different country for 2 years and change her mind

This was what you should be getting worked up about, not the "emotional attachment" to bricks and mortar. The poor girl must have been walking on eggshells when living with her mother and not know when she was going to be rejected again. I hope she has every happiness and stability in her life now.

I agree, @notacooldad . Money has been the driver here, the OP needs to let it go.

None of your business to be frank and it wasn’t good to get angry at your niece over it. It was hers.

That is such a shock for you, Op.
If you had your time again you might have suggested that you would be interested should niece ever be selling the flat.
However, you didn't and you also, despite being the older adult, lost contact with your niece.
That was unfortunate and sad.

Hopefully your niece has wisely purchased herself a home with the proceeds.