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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece sold family property

308 replies

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

OP posts:
LifeBeginsToday · 05/10/2025 18:13

It was her flat. She can do whatever she likes with it.

DoYouReally · 05/10/2025 18:13

It was hers to do as she wished.

Completely unreasonable of you to think otherwise.

Lesina · 05/10/2025 18:13

Yes you are. It was her property. I understand it may be upsetting but she can do what she wants with her own possessions.

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

lnks · 05/10/2025 18:16

It was her flat, not a 'family property', and she is entitled to sell it as she wishes.

TeenLifeMum · 05/10/2025 18:16

YABU. Her selling it doesn’t delete your fond memories but that time has gone and expecting her to have the same association and to limit herself when she can sell and have the life she wants is very unreasonable. It’s bricks and mortar so it’s the memories that are special not the building. Make new traditions.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/10/2025 18:17

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

Good for her, it was hers to sell

TeenLifeMum · 05/10/2025 18:17

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

It was her inheritance to do with as she wished. She had a connection but is moving on with her life.

XenaBallerina · 05/10/2025 18:17

It has nothing at all to do with you. Your niece has no obligation to consult anyone else about selling it and if your relationship with her wasn’t solid in the first place then you’ve done yourself no favours by being harsh with her.
You will have lots of memories of the property over the years to keep close to you.

Luxio · 05/10/2025 18:18

Gosh your poor niece, it sounds like she's been through a lot. She lost her mother and of course the flat will be a sensitive topic for her. It was her flat and given you weren't in contact it probably didn't cross her mind to get in touch regarding it's sale. I really hope you apologised for how you spoke to her.

CraftyNavySeal · 05/10/2025 18:18

If it was so important how come you hadn’t been there in years or noticed it had been sold until you asked about it?

I would be miffed if my aunt who hadn’t even noticed I had left the country started asking about my property tbh.

Simonjt · 05/10/2025 18:18

Realistically could you have purchased the flat within 6-10 weeks? If not it makes no difference, plus there is no guarantee she would have taken your offer.

It is just a building, you don’t need a building to enjoy all the memories you have.

CinnamonBuns67 · 05/10/2025 18:21

Yabu your niece sold her property, it didn't belong to the family it belonged to her. You knew she didn't want to keep it, she told you that if it meant so much to you then you should have offered to buy it when she said that. What did you think she'd do with it when she said she didn't want it? You aren't entitled to notice of her selling her own property either.

DontCallMeLenYouLittleBollix · 05/10/2025 18:22

YABU to refer to it as family property. It was her property.

On what she should've done with it, it's difficult and I understand the sadness, but equally it's either her feelings or yours. Doesn't seem there was a compromise option here. If she'd checked whether anyone wanted to buy it, clearly one of you might've said yes. I get why she prioritised her own sadness over yours.

Hankunamatata · 05/10/2025 18:22

Did you ever express to her that you would buy it if she ever wanted to sell?

KittyHigham · 05/10/2025 18:22

Does your niece get a say in what you do with the "holiday home" and savings you inherited?
Of course not. I get that you have a sentimental attachment to the property but it was your niece's property.

AgnesMcDoo · 05/10/2025 18:22

You’ve lost touched with your niece and didn’t even know what country she was living in.

yABU to think you have any say in her disposal of her property

mamagogo1 · 05/10/2025 18:24

The only people you can be annoyed with are your parents. It no longer belonged to you so your niece was free to sell and seems to have had good reason too

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 18:25

Bloody hell your niece is what, 23,24? Just out of education and starting adult life without her mum.

How on earth has it come naturally to you to put 50 year old person emotions on her? It’s so unfair and unkind.

Tbh You should really reflect on the lack of emotional intelligence in your feelings.

ShanghaiDiva · 05/10/2025 18:25

You need to edit your title - niece sold her own property.

SALaw · 05/10/2025 18:29

You’re being totally unreasonable and irrational. That’s the way inheritance goes. Property gets passed to someone and it’s theirs to do with as they please. Over successive generations of your family living there I’m sure there might have been others that could stake a claim to the flat, but they didn’t inherit it and that benefitted your parents ultimately.

SparklyCardigan · 05/10/2025 18:29

Your husband is right. My dad (and his cousins) sold a property that had been in our family for almost a hundred years. It's not practical to keep houses in families forever. Good on your niece, I hope the money has set her up nicely for her new life in her second home country.

LemondrizzleShark · 05/10/2025 18:30

Your parents left it to your sister, not to you. You don’t even live in London, so you were never going to live there.

I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location).

This is the crux of it isn’t it?

ThejoyofNC · 05/10/2025 18:30

You're angry she didn't think of your feelings.

You don't give a crap about hers. A bit hypocritical, no?

DiscoBob · 05/10/2025 18:30

It hasn't been yours since it was left to her Mum. You need to forget about it. It was your mum's wish it went to sister and from then onwards it's up to her.

I thought your thread was going to say it was left in part to several family members but she'd gone ahead and sold without your consent. But no, it's just straightforwardly her house to do exactly as she pleases.

You can have food memories of it but why should it stay in the family forever? The niece could just as easily rent it out to a stranger or just refuse to speak to you so you'd never be able to visit ever again anyway.

Be grateful you have a roof over your head plus a holiday home. That's way more than most people could ever wish for.