Niece sold family property

[Sodi]

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

YABU

I put YABU, as asset was in her name, however I do see your perspective, and why it would be so hurtful. Sorry she didn't let you know.

You can be livid all you want it doesn’t change anything. OP has no ownership or say regarding the property and as she said she’s no longer close or in touch with niece so she needs to move on with her life.

Of course it was a way to make money, she wants to move back to her birth country so decides to sell the house she legally and rightfully owns, colour me shocked.

I don’t think an expectation of first refusal in completely unreasonable - I’m hoping to be offered similar if my db decides to sell a property that he inherited that I have a huge sentimental attachment for.

But realistically, it opens up the seller to a world of trouble. what if you can’t quite stretch to market value? What if you need more time to get the money together? What if more than one relative is interested? If someone was contemplating this, would you not advise them to just go ahead and list the property and avoid all that potential?

It’s hard to adapt to changes of ownership, when you have a sentimental connection. My gps house was left to my uncle (largely because he failed to launch, and my gm wanted him provided for). When he died he left it to my db, not to my dm or to me because he wanted it to stay in the family name. Neither myself nor my dm ever used our married names but the sexism prevails because it is his right. And I find myself with complex feelings about my sil’s ownership of, and plans for, a house that as a child I felt I belonged in. The logical part of me knows IABveryU but my inner child is still sad.

You need to let this go op, and apologise. And then grieve a little. But don’t let bricks and mortar break relationships.

You have the holiday home and savings. Now you are annoyed you didn’t get the London flat. Bloody hell!

It was her right to sell but she could have told you. I imagine as a 21 year old who lost their mum, she was not really thinking about that though.

Poor woman.

She lost her grandparents and mother within 3 years and then had her "aunt" on the phone banging on about property and tearing her a new one for selling HER OWN flat that was full of bad memories.

Thank goodness she has her father.

EDIT - you should change your thread title as it is wrong - "Niece sold her own property" is accurate

I think it would have been nice for her to let you know she planned to sell, in the event that you wanted to buy it. Ultimately, it was hers to sell, but she could have given you a heads-up.

No, a relative should not expect "first refusal". How entitled. It's not their property. I suspect it's to get a family discount as well.

Why?

YABU for blaming and blowing up at your niece. These problems started with how your parents structured their will, if you want to blame anyone blame them

Will you be consulting with every family member - including this niece and cousins - before spending any of the savings or selling the holiday home?

It’s the same thing if you think about it.

This !

@Sodi It would have been nice of her to check with you but ultimately it was her decision to do what she wanted.

I get it, we put so much value on childhood homes and the memories we have growing up in them.

I saw my old childhood home up for sale last year, it’s almost been 40 years since we moved out of there but those fond memories are still there and if I ever won the lottery I’d buy it just to have it back in the family.

She sold her own property that was presumably her childhood home. That’s it.

TBH in her position it wouldn’t even occur to me to first offer it to a family member I didn’t have a relationship with. Why would it? Would you have expected her to offer it to you at a discount, btw?

Or in other words:

'Lady sells her flat.'

I understand that you have fond memories of your grandparents, parents and yourself staying in the flat. You view the flat through a nostalgia window but for your niece the flat holds painful memories. Yes, it might have been nice if your niece had offered the flat to other family members before selling it on the open market. However, she didn't, and perhaps because it holds painful memories for her, she didn't want it staying in the family. No one can take your memories away from you, so hold onto them. Don't hold it against your niece, life is too short to hold onto grudges.

I knew by the time I got to the end of the first page that the OP wasn’t going to reply.

Like I said, to be nice. It's ok to do things sometimes just to be nice. It would have cost her exactly nothing to notify OP that she planned to sell the property.

OP clearly has some sort of emotional attachment to it, and it would make no difference to the niece who buys it. As long as they pay the asking price it doesn't really matter. So why not just say "hey I'm planning to sell the property for x amount of money if you are interested in buying it but I'm selling it regardless."

Had you told her you would like the option to buy it if she sold?

Could you have afforded to pay the full going rate for it?

If you had bought it, then what? Who would have lived there?

We have just sold my MiL’s house after a period of time in a nursing home and then her death.

When she went into the nursing home a friend of hers said that MiL had promised her first refusal. We honoured this with contact and the valuation, just before it was put in the market.
It costs nothing to be reasonable and respectful.

(as it happened the response was ‘oh, it is much more than we expected. We put it in the open market).

It would have been reasonable and respectful for your niece to have let you know.

I wouldn’t think to offer my house to the people who used to live there because I was selling up.

Well, she's a young woman who's just lost her Mum and wanted to sell up and move. Maybe being "nice" to her aunt wasn't on her immediate agenda. It sounds as if the aunt wasn't particularly nice to her.

Unfortunately, it was hers to sell. I do think it would have been courteous/ nice of her to at least let you know/ offer you first refusal though, and I totally understand your feelings. I’m sorry x

I disagree. It's the niece's property and her decision.