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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece sold family property

308 replies

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Littlegreenpebbles · 05/10/2025 18:52

I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me

This just strikes me as so entitled. How many other family members should she have checked with, going back how many generations? Realistically, selling between family is rarely in the sellers favour, and this is the nieces inheritance. It was not "family" property, it was your nieces and before that, her mother's.

I think you need to apologise here OP, and consider that despite your emotional connection to the property your niece has done the most sensible thing here in selling for whatever maximum value she got and moving to be closer to her presumably remaining parent.

Luxio · 05/10/2025 18:53

Aluna · 05/10/2025 18:43

Yes I do.

Very hard to lose your mum, but very odd not to notify the rest of the family that you were selling their parents’ flat, particularly given OP had herself lived in it.

Perhaps you didn’t read the OP properly - DN wasn’t “ignored” by the OP. She was at uni abroad, and the OP helped with funeral planning, organised insurance for the property and checked it regularly while she was away at uni.

Edited
Show quote history

Your response acts like the OP did the niece a huge favour? She helped organise her sister's funeral which is quite normal and helped the niece sort some insurance something many people of the nieces age need support with.

The niece then moved back less than a year later into he flat and yet it seems at that point she was indeed ignored by her aunt and maternal family, less than one year after her mother died her aunt wasn't in touch with her?

Why would the niece then ask family who weren't in contact with her about the property, it was clear they weren't interested in her if they all stopped making the effort so soon after her mother death.

It's no wonder the poor women sold it quickly and left all the sadness behind.

Gingernaut · 05/10/2025 18:54

You and your sister inherited from your parents

Your niece inherited from your late sister

Your niece did what she was entitled to do

It wasn't 'family property' it was her late mother's property and she clearly needed the money rather than the flat

Any inequity between you and your sister should have been sorted out at the time you both inherited

You can't complain now

lizzyBennet08 · 05/10/2025 18:54

Honestly this is a total nonsense. Did you think it was going to stay in the family for ever and ever. You clearly aren't close to your niece , I'm sure she never got one instance considered 'telling' you she was selling it. You had your inheritance .

SusiQ18472638 · 05/10/2025 18:55

It’s none of your business what she chose to do with her own property. I don’t really understand why you would think she should offer it around family first - it may not of occurred to her you would have wanted to buy it considering you don’t live anywhere near or presumably need a flat.

Gruffporcupine · 05/10/2025 18:58

I think it's shitty of her to not mention it since it's been in the family and there's sentiment there, but ultimately it is hers to sell

Superhansrantowindsor · 05/10/2025 18:58

I was ready to YABU but the fact is you don’t mind her selling it - you’d have just like to have been told. For that YANBU and I’m surprised so many disagree.

ImAPreMadonna · 05/10/2025 18:59

She didn’t sell ‘the family estate’, she sold a flat she was legally left.

If you ever planned on selling the house you inherited, would you consult with your niece?

ZoeCM · 05/10/2025 19:00

I'm amazed you've been so insensitive to your niece so soon after she's lost her mother. With aunts like these, who needs enemies?

HoskinsChoice · 05/10/2025 19:01

Did you ask your niece's permission every time you spent some of the savings? Do you still have the holiday home - would you have asked her permission if you wanted to sell or make changes to it? Thought not!

I can understand why you would be sad about it - we all have emotional attachments to the happy parts of younger lives. But that's it. Be sad. Store your memories. Move on.

Superhansrantowindsor · 05/10/2025 19:02

I don’t think she wanted permission - she would have liked the option to buy that’s all.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 05/10/2025 19:03

You're being massively unreasonable.

It's not a "family property". It was your parents, then your sister's, then your niece's. It never belonged to you, and the fact you seemed to think you had a stake in it may have something to do with why your niece doesn't want all that much to do with you.

LuckyNumberFive · 05/10/2025 19:04

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

And she didn't?

The OP's sister had lived in it for the past 15 years, I presume her daughter was also there, using it as a home, making her own connection with it while living there with her mum. Hence, according to the OP, why she sold it. Memories too painful.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 19:05

It was her property, not family property and since you don't live near London and weren't even aware that it had even sold, it clearly didn't mean that much to you.

Keepitrealnomists · 05/10/2025 19:05

I can understand why your hurt, nobody can tell you how to feel but it doesnt sound like you were close so it probably didn't even cross her mind to mention it.
I have a similar situation with a house thats been in the family for generations which will be mine one day, I will also sell it.

Moveoverdarlin · 05/10/2025 19:05

Will you be consulting her when you want to sell the holiday home in case she wants it??

Moveoverdarlin · 05/10/2025 19:07

I think if you genuinely could have bought a flat in a central London location and had the means to do so, you should have given her the heads up when she inherited it. ‘Hey Emily, let me know if you ever intend to sell as this place means so much to me, let me have first refusal.’

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 19:07

Superhansrantowindsor · 05/10/2025 19:02

I don’t think she wanted permission - she would have liked the option to buy that’s all.

Edited

Well, if she'd kept in touch, she may have had the option.

Funningitup · 05/10/2025 19:08

Goodness OP grief is tough but surely on reflection the connection you would want to nurture would be that with your niece.

I would apologise unreservedly, be honest about the messiness of grief and send her your love and an invite to visit whenever she wants to. I would make sure I had her contact details and send her a thoughtful gift.

GAJLY · 05/10/2025 19:08

It is hers to do what she likes with, not yours. Perhaps you should have told her if she ever sold, to let you know as you'd like to buy it. You could have stayed in regular contact, that way you'd have known about her desire to sell up. She did absolutely nothing wrong.

LindorDoubleChoc · 05/10/2025 19:08

Superhansrantowindsor · 05/10/2025 18:58

I was ready to YABU but the fact is you don’t mind her selling it - you’d have just like to have been told. For that YANBU and I’m surprised so many disagree.

It's because people haven't bothered to read the entire OP and also the thread title is misleading.

It's a shame that your neice has cut contact with you OP, I expect that hurts quite badly.

kirinm · 05/10/2025 19:09

Aluna · 05/10/2025 18:43

Yes I do.

Very hard to lose your mum, but very odd not to notify the rest of the family that you were selling their parents’ flat, particularly given OP had herself lived in it.

Perhaps you didn’t read the OP properly - DN wasn’t “ignored” by the OP. She was at uni abroad, and the OP helped with funeral planning, organised insurance for the property and checked it regularly while she was away at uni.

Edited
Show quote history

Odd to reach out to an aunt who knew your mum died when you were 21 but still ‘lost touch’. She managed to get in touch when she needed to,

GAJLY · 05/10/2025 19:10

Luxio · 05/10/2025 18:53

Your response acts like the OP did the niece a huge favour? She helped organise her sister's funeral which is quite normal and helped the niece sort some insurance something many people of the nieces age need support with.

The niece then moved back less than a year later into he flat and yet it seems at that point she was indeed ignored by her aunt and maternal family, less than one year after her mother died her aunt wasn't in touch with her?

Why would the niece then ask family who weren't in contact with her about the property, it was clear they weren't interested in her if they all stopped making the effort so soon after her mother death.

It's no wonder the poor women sold it quickly and left all the sadness behind.

Show quote history

Agreed 👆

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/10/2025 19:11

I'm sorry OP but I feel like this is misdirected anger against your parents for not treating you and your sister equally.

Worriedalltheday · 05/10/2025 19:12

I can understand why you are upset but it stopped being the family home once your sister was the owner. Very out of order to have a go at your niece that way.