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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece sold family property

308 replies

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bigcat25 · 05/10/2025 19:12

I understand op and think posters are giving you a hard time. Yes, it's hers to do what she wants, but it certainly would have been ideal if she had let you know beforehand.

And yes, none of us are "obligated" to do many things, like offer some help if their car broke down on the side of the road in a storm for example, but it's not a great way to live. It's reasonable to expect a bit of consideration from relatives if you have treated them well. I think it's understandable to be a bit sad.

ChilledBeez · 05/10/2025 19:13

Sodi · 05/10/2025 18:10

Hi, so my parents owned a property that has been in our family for generations. About 15 years ago my parents had to move out as it was a flat in a building which did have a lift but it didn’t go to the top floor and they weren’t mobile enough to use the stairs. My sister was going through a divorce at this time and moved in. When my parents passed away in 2019 and 2020 respectively they left the flat to my sister in its entirety as she was living there. I got the holiday home and some savings they had but ultimately the flat was worth much more (central London location). I didn’t really mind as long as it stayed in the family.
my sister then passed away quite suddenly in 2022. My niece was abroad for university but it was left to her. We stepped in to help with funeral planning etc as my niece was only 21 at the time and an only child. We also helped her organise insurance for the property, and we were the ones who checked in on it regularly while she was abroad.
She moved back to London for her masters in 2023 and moved back in, we lost touch with her despite trying to keep contact, she wasn’t interested.

The property meant a lot to me, I remember my grandparents living there, then in my late teens and uni years I lived there with my parents, then it was my sisters. We no longer live anywhere near London as we moved 2 years ago but I liked knowing it was in the family.

Recently my son asked me what happened to the flat, I asked what he meant and he told me that he had noticed niece had moved back to her country of birth and fathers home country so probably wasn’t using the flat. I reached out to my niece and she told me she had sold it. I got extremely upset, and was probably a bit harsh on her. But if I had known she was wanting to sell I’d have found a way to purchase it myself for my own family. However she gave me no notice she was planning to do this.

She told me she didn’t want to keep it as it reminded her too much of her mums death, which is fair enough. However I think it was extremely insensitive of her to sell a property that had been in the family for so long without checking in with me or my cousins.

My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable as the property wasn’t mine, it was my nieces to do as she wished with and that happened to be selling it. However I’m not disagreeing with her right to sell it just her choice not to check if anyone in the family wanted to buy it before letting strangers have it (and most likely turn it into a rental or AirBnB).

AIBU?

Chances are you would not have wanted to offer her anywhere near the actual market value anyway. Her flat - her decision. Move on.

Aluna · 05/10/2025 19:13

Luxio · 05/10/2025 18:53

Your response acts like the OP did the niece a huge favour? She helped organise her sister's funeral which is quite normal and helped the niece sort some insurance something many people of the nieces age need support with.

The niece then moved back less than a year later into he flat and yet it seems at that point she was indeed ignored by her aunt and maternal family, less than one year after her mother died her aunt wasn't in touch with her?

Why would the niece then ask family who weren't in contact with her about the property, it was clear they weren't interested in her if they all stopped making the effort so soon after her mother death.

It's no wonder the poor women sold it quickly and left all the sadness behind.

Show quote history

Where did I say OP did her a favour? You claimed OP ignored her I pointed out she didn’t according to the first post.

Where does OP say she ignored DN? What she actually says is that when DN moved back to London for her Masters, OP tried to keep contact with DN but DN wasn’t interested.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/10/2025 19:15

LindorDoubleChoc · 05/10/2025 19:08

It's because people haven't bothered to read the entire OP and also the thread title is misleading.

It's a shame that your neice has cut contact with you OP, I expect that hurts quite badly.

Show quote history

I've read the entire OP and still think she's unreasonable. I doubt it ever crossed her nieces mind to inform her because they aren't close and 'lost touch'.

sunflowersintheday · 05/10/2025 19:16

I wonder if the OP wanted the niece to sell it to her at "family rates"?.🤔

Leopardspota · 05/10/2025 19:18

Overtheatlantic · 05/10/2025 18:14

I would be livid. You had an emotional connection to the property and she didn’t. She probably saw it as a way to make a good amount of money.

She did have an emotional connection, just not in a positive way.

mamaison · 05/10/2025 19:18

CraftyNavySeal · 05/10/2025 18:18

If it was so important how come you hadn’t been there in years or noticed it had been sold until you asked about it?

I would be miffed if my aunt who hadn’t even noticed I had left the country started asking about my property tbh.

She says clearly in post- she had contact and involvement in 2022. Then niece moved abroad and did not keep in contact despite OP efforts.

Find your comment baffling.

Viviennemary · 05/10/2025 19:18

It was her flat. You must not have been very close to her if she sold it without telling you. You got an inheritance. Presumably nobody told you what you could and couldn't do with it. Yabu.

hididdlyho · 05/10/2025 19:20

It was a bit rubbish of your parents to not make sure that both you and your sister had an inheritance of equal value. If nothing was written in the will about keeping the flat 'in the family' then there was always the likelihood/risk this would happen sooner or later. I can see why you'd feel sad that it's the end of a chapter in your life, but I don't think you should be angry at your niece.

MissMoneyFairy · 05/10/2025 19:20

So you got the holday home, some savings and you thought you should have first dibs at the house too.

SusiQ18472638 · 05/10/2025 19:21

LindorDoubleChoc · 05/10/2025 19:08

It's because people haven't bothered to read the entire OP and also the thread title is misleading.

It's a shame that your neice has cut contact with you OP, I expect that hurts quite badly.

Show quote history

I also read the entire OP, and still don’t think the niece did anything wrong selling her own property. I certainly wouldn’t want to
sell to a family member, hardly likely to do anything to improve already strained relations

JustStopItNorasaurus · 05/10/2025 19:23

I read the entire OP and think she is ridiculously entitled. Also- on her own admission (when people are usually trying to present themselves in the best possible light) she says she was 'harsh' with her bereaved niece.

The OP has reacted incredibly badly about something that was literally none of her business.

The OP needs to apologise big time I think. But I expect that was the nail in the coffin and her niece will have washed her hands of her 'family'.

HellsBells67 · 05/10/2025 19:23

I think you made a mistake in your post title. It's "Niece sold her property".

IkeaJesusChrist · 05/10/2025 19:25

It' was her flat and unless you're sitting on bucket loads of money how were you going to buy it?

mamaison · 05/10/2025 19:26

I can understand why you are so upset. A property that gave you happy connection to generations of your family who have passed away. Niece has sold it because of the painful memories for her, not considering the meaning it had for you. Can understand why she didn’t want to keep it but such a shame she didn’t stop to consider you might want to buy it.

She is still quite young and grieving, but I wonder if she will ever regret it. Sorry you have lost the chance to maintain connection with a family home.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/10/2025 19:26

If you really want to buy the flat you could contact the current owners and see if they will sell. However, as it has now passed out of your family, and you don't live in London, you may feel that your memories are more important than the actual property. It was your niece's to sell and held unhappy memories for her.

allmymonkeys · 05/10/2025 19:28

Based on your saying that you don't dispute her legal right to have done what she's done, you're not being unreasonable in thinking that she might have had the kindness to offer the family first refusal. But her associations with the property were different from yours and she wanted to get shot of it and she wanted the money.

Realistically, would you have been able to offer her full market value even if she had?

Estates and inheritances are full of thorns. When you're faced with one you can't change it really is best just to let it go.

Autumngirl5 · 05/10/2025 19:28

I can understand why you are upset. Of course it was hers to sell … you have already acknowledged that but it would have been nice if she had let you know.

tiredangry · 05/10/2025 19:33

Look op, it’s understandable that you’re upset that this property is no longer in your family. But that’s the limit - your niece has lost her mum when she is a very young adult and the flat reminded her of it. I think you should absolutely not have said anything remotely judgemental or harsh to your niece. It was her property. I doubt she’ll bother with you again.

fuckhimintheear · 05/10/2025 19:37

Ahaha, just admit that you’re pissed your inheritance hasn’t appreciated as much as your sisters.

It’s her property. She didn’t need to consult you. She probably foresaw the bollocks that would follow.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 05/10/2025 19:39

You're being so unreasonable

15 years ago the flat could have been sold to fund your parents' care

You haven't even lived close for 2 years and weren't close enough to niece to even know she'd LEFT THE COUNTRY!

Apologise. Now.

Woopzies · 05/10/2025 19:39

Congratulations, you are now the 'strange aunt who called her niece to hound her about selling her own property.'

Calling her up about it was an impulsive, short-sighted and naive move on your part. Irrespective of whether she told you before selling it or not, what she does with her property is her business and not yours or your cousins. She had absolutely no reason to 'keep you informed' - the only reason you would've liked to have been informed is so that you could've at least tried to convince her to keep it. This is why she did not tell you because keeping was not an option for her.

You need a reality check into respecting boundaries, OP. I'd advise calling your niece to apologise.

TotallyUnapologeticOmnivore · 05/10/2025 19:39

There is so much that can go wrong with even a simple sale. Would you really want the added complication of a difficult family relationship?

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 05/10/2025 19:41

Would you have had such an "emotional connection" to the property if it had been a one bed flat in Crawley? Or is the central London location playing a part in this?

Surely when it was listed for sale you couldve bought it if you wanted it to stay in the family. Unless you can't afford it, in which case her offering it to you would have been irrelevant.

FlockofSquirrels · 05/10/2025 19:42

Did you ever tell her you would like to buy the property if she wanted to sell?

Your post sort of glosses over things that point to deep hurt and disconnect in the family - your niece not wanting a relationship and you not even knowing what country she was living in or that the flat had already been sold don't suggest that she felt much love for and from the family. And that's unlikely to change (at least towards you) after the first time you bothered to reach out in however long was to emotionally browbeat her for selling her own inheritance from her suddenly-deceased mum.