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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad I didn't sacrifice my career for my kids

422 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 04/10/2025 22:40

Just that really.

I worked really hard for 15 years before the DC to establish my career in law. There was a certain amount of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM.

I m so glad I didn't. My DC are now 15 and 20 and I have realised that that period of their childhood is so fleeting.

I did work PT while they were growing up, but now they are nearly grown, I am so pleased to have my work and career as the bit of me still standing.

OP posts:
foxpillow · 04/10/2025 22:43

YANBU as long as you realise what was right for you will not necessarily be right for everyone.

CrispsPlease · 04/10/2025 22:44

I've got a decent enough career. Happily went part time. My career never has nor never will come before my children. It's now very cool and current to look down on mothering and see your career as far superior. Not for me.

MidnightPatrol · 04/10/2025 22:48

I’m amazed you felt a lot of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM - from where?

I’m 15 years or so behind you, and I don’t know any SAHMs. Not one.

ZenNudist · 04/10/2025 22:49

Yanbu but the people who don't have any job satisfaction will be along in a moment to tell you you're wrong.

I think the problem is that for every woman opting for a crap or no career but yummy mummying about on a husbands salary there's a divorced single mum with shit life prospects whose husband said he'd support her then ditched her after she fucked up her career.

QPZM · 04/10/2025 22:49

CrispsPlease · 04/10/2025 22:44

I've got a decent enough career. Happily went part time. My career never has nor never will come before my children. It's now very cool and current to look down on mothering and see your career as far superior. Not for me.

I think there's definitely some truth in this.

Although I still think it's the minority, one has to wonder why they're so vocal about it if they're happy with their choices.

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/10/2025 22:50

What do your kids think?

I suppose they won’t care if you’ve paid their house deposits from your equity partner takings though 😉

Sometimeswinning · 04/10/2025 22:51

I was a stay at home mum and loved every minute. I’m now working a term time job and love it.

Spotsandsplotches · 04/10/2025 22:52

I’m really glad it worked out for you! So, YANBU. But we are all different and all trying to find our own way of making things work.

My children are much younger but I shocked my (career-focused) self when they came along by realising that I absolutely did not want to continue to work full-time. I’m not a SAHM, though I would actually love to be right now. I’d gladly pack it all in as long as I continued to be paid.

Hopefully, like you, I’ll look back in the future and be happy that I still have my career. My current worry is that I’ll regret not having more time with them, though I acknowledge that this is in exchange for providing them with a great material standard of living.

QuickPeachPoet · 04/10/2025 22:52

ZenNudist · 04/10/2025 22:49

Yanbu but the people who don't have any job satisfaction will be along in a moment to tell you you're wrong.

I think the problem is that for every woman opting for a crap or no career but yummy mummying about on a husbands salary there's a divorced single mum with shit life prospects whose husband said he'd support her then ditched her after she fucked up her career.

this response is brilliant and plenty more women need to read it.

Harrietta82 · 04/10/2025 22:53

CrispsPlease · 04/10/2025 22:44

I've got a decent enough career. Happily went part time. My career never has nor never will come before my children. It's now very cool and current to look down on mothering and see your career as far superior. Not for me.

Spot on.

IwouldlikeanewTV · 04/10/2025 22:55

I love my kids. But I’m glad I didn’t give up my career to stay at home. I’m now divorced, not my choice, but as a result of working I can afford to keep the house and give my kids a good life. Not sure how I would have managed otherwise as my ex has no pension and has paid minimum mtnce.

QPZM · 04/10/2025 22:58

QuickPeachPoet · 04/10/2025 22:52

this response is brilliant and plenty more women need to read it.

Show quote history

I don't think any more women need to be reading misogynistic phrases like 'yummy mummy' or 'yummy mummying'.

Reducing mothers to their looks is something many women are tired of.

CrispsPlease · 04/10/2025 23:01

QuickPeachPoet · 04/10/2025 22:52

this response is brilliant and plenty more women need to read it.

Show quote history

I've a good career and enjoy it. It's niche. Plenty of job satisfaction.

...I, err, still prefer my role as a mother and think it's far more important. Some people just actually prioritise motherhood with genuine gusto.... HTH

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 04/10/2025 23:04

MidnightPatrol · 04/10/2025 22:48

I’m amazed you felt a lot of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM - from where?

I’m 15 years or so behind you, and I don’t know any SAHMs. Not one.

my parents strongly thought I should give up work.

there were lots of very well off SAHM's where we live. Guess its just demographics

OP posts:
jonthebatiste · 04/10/2025 23:06

I had a solid career in law for 15 years and dropped it to be a SAHM, and am so glad I didn’t sacrifice my time with my children for my career! Everyone’s different, hopefully everyone is or can become happy with their choices. There’s not really much else to discuss is there?

Caerulea · 04/10/2025 23:07

I'm in the minority here but I do think that if you decide to have children then one parent needs to be there to put them first. If no one is prepared to do that then why have kids? Like you say, that young bit is so fleeting - why miss it?

DryIce · 04/10/2025 23:08

I love having children, they are the best thing I've done.

I wouldn't say I love my career, but I do love being financially independent and being able to give them a nice house/lots of clubs and activities/fun holidays etc.

User5306921 · 04/10/2025 23:08

I read something recently about how how our 'weekends' are our children's childhoods.

Pretty sobering article.

Its quite strange that you found it necessary to write a post with such self justification for a decision you are very happy about.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 04/10/2025 23:09

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/10/2025 22:50

What do your kids think?

I suppose they won’t care if you’ve paid their house deposits from your equity partner takings though 😉

lol, not a partner so no wads of cash.

Always part time and still 32 hours a week, but good wage.

Kids seem happy enough, I see plenty of them, even the one who is off at uni.

That's my point really. You can have a good work life balance, see your DC and still keep your career.

OP posts:
CrispsPlease · 04/10/2025 23:09

Caerulea · 04/10/2025 23:07

I'm in the minority here but I do think that if you decide to have children then one parent needs to be there to put them first. If no one is prepared to do that then why have kids? Like you say, that young bit is so fleeting - why miss it?

I can't clap hard enough at this 👏

Unfortunately, it's now the most ghastly thing ever to suggest it's naturally a mother that fits that role best.

We just pretend otherwise for cool points.

QuickPeachPoet · 04/10/2025 23:11

QPZM · 04/10/2025 22:58

I don't think any more women need to be reading misogynistic phrases like 'yummy mummy' or 'yummy mummying'.

Reducing mothers to their looks is something many women are tired of.

Show quote history

When I read this PP post and especially how she had used the 'ing' form, I didn't actually think of the way the type of women she is referring to look. More their insufferable smug behaviour (until it all goes wrong of course).

Neodymium · 04/10/2025 23:14

I quit an extremely high paying, high risk job on an industrial site after I had kids, the long hours and weekends and nights just didn’t work for my family. Though this is probably because I was still the 100% caregiver to the kids in terms of managing the mental load particularly. I retrained as a teacher which I love but I do feel behind in terms of my career progression which means my pay is pretty low. By the time I get to the top of the scale it will be just about retirement time. Dh always positioned his job as the most important, despite being a workplace that was meant to offer flexibility. I earned considerably more than him in my first job and now considerably less. It definitely never felt like we were sharing the load with childcare ect.

Whosunreasonable · 04/10/2025 23:14

Well good for you. Every family is different.

Katemax82 · 04/10/2025 23:15

MidnightPatrol · 04/10/2025 22:48

I’m amazed you felt a lot of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM - from where?

I’m 15 years or so behind you, and I don’t know any SAHMs. Not one.

That's because you haven't met me

DervlaGlass · 04/10/2025 23:18

What's the point of having kids if you don't want to spend time with them? (And who cleans the loo?)

Genuine questions I don't really care what other people do workwise as long as it's not illegal or harmful.