to be glad I didn't sacrifice my career for my kids

[FunnysInLaJardin]

Just that really.

I worked really hard for 15 years before the DC to establish my career in law. There was a certain amount of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM.

I m so glad I didn't. My DC are now 15 and 20 and I have realised that that period of their childhood is so fleeting.

I did work PT while they were growing up, but now they are nearly grown, I am so pleased to have my work and career as the bit of me still standing.

I wonder if your kids wished you’d stayed home? Unlikely to ever truly know for certain. So a bit of a stupid thing to wonder about either way, no?

It's now very cool and current to look down on mothering and see your career as far superior.

I think this would be more persuasive if the vice-president of the world’s most powerful country hadn’t mocked childless women (excuse me, ‘crazy cat ladies’) before the election and then been elected anyway. You may like to tell yourself you are marginal for caring about mothering, but really, you are bang on trend and in the mainstream. Sorry!

Everyone does what’s right for them and their family at the time. Sometimes it’s a choice, sometimes it’s needs must. I’m glad you’re pleased. But im not sure smug is a good look on anyone.

How do you know I don’t … I was responding the the post asking the same thing but the other way around 🤦🏻‍♀️ bit of a stupid comment when you clearly didn’t read it properly!

Just find this a bit of a weird OP to be honest. What is the point of it? To show off? To make mums who couldn’t work while their children were little due to illness or just wanting to have that time with their children feel bad? Very strange 🤔

We both worked full time since we had our children because there was no possibility to go part time or for either of us to give up our jobs. We were very privileged with an excellent support network (retired grandparents happy to have the children any time needed, they do school pickups etc) so we have never had to pay the ridiculous childcare costs which is probably the difference, I'm not sure we would have managed if the cost of full time nursery or wrap around care was involved. I wouldn't say either of us have careers, just jobs, one minimum wage and the other reasonably well paid in the NHS after years of working up the ladder.

Maybe it was so fleeting because you missed it.

Except when you get half all the assets because you’re married 💰

💀

Exactly. Im not able to work because my kid is disabled. Lucky you op.

YANBU. You'll be even more glad when you're old and don't have a giant hole in your pension like a lot of women who stopped work - especially if divorced or widowed. My widowed mother (always worked, fairly high earner) is the only one of her widowed / divorced female friend group who hasn't been feeling the pinch since her husband died / left.

This.

I'm 44 and my career has taken off and I'm ahead of my 5 year career plan. It's lovely having more money and actually being able to change things at work.

I feel the same. But feminism is about choice and I support every woman's decision.

💯

My lot are 21, 19, 18 and 14 so I am not behind you - I don’t know any stay at home mums. I am aware of one or two from the school gates, they are 100% an anomaly

Interesting I just watched this video on YouTube (Brad Falchuk on Finding Meaning in Facing Death) about the new Netflix show that shows interviews with people who are approaching death and what is the most common regret that he observes among all these accomplished people who had incredible careers?

They say they regret not spending more time with their children if they had them....19:15 mins in....these are people who accomplish so much they get asked to be interviewed for everyone to hear what they have to say about life.
Their one regret is doing less of the thing that people who somehow manage to do that 'mundane thing' (as I see some people on these boards see it) of being at home with their children do more of.

Food for thought.

At the end I suspect for most it will be our close relationships that bring us sustenance, not our stuff or our achievements or our seeming status at work or the past stimulation that those gratifying yet ultimately bollocks work tasks (most of them let's face it however much people pump up what their work is, nurses/educators/ doctors etc aside)...

You pay a price whether you stay home or you go to work and so spend less time with your kids when they are very young, but let's not pretend one situation is better value objectively. The end of life will be the tell.

Was this a cross-gender thing? Was it expressed more by women or men, or equally?

I worked in the corporate world when u was pregnant with my firstborn. A very tough career woman who always seemed very well put together and was much revered in her role, told me not to squander the time with ny baby and any future babies. She said despite her position, it was her biggest regret and she would do the whole thing differently, but it’s too late and she now has a distant relationship with her children.

This made such an impact on me, although I’d always have put my children before anything and anyone. And still would.

You pay a price whether you stay home or you go to work and so spend less time with your kids when they are very young, but let's not pretend one situation is better value objectively. The end of life will be the tell.

Not at the end of life yet, but I don't see myself regretting I could offer my children a nice life. I don't regret that when DC1 was bullied and struggling, we could put him in private school where he's happy and thriving. I don't regret that when DC2 wanted to do an expensive hobby that brings them a lot of joy, they could, no problem. I have no regrets that when DHs company went out of business, I could keep paying the mortgage and we didn't lose our home. No regrets that if DH would one day, god forbid, turn nasty and abusive, I don't need to stay with him as I can't afford to leave - a case a SAHM friend of mine is at the moment struggling with. Is her situation 'better value'? It really isn't that black or white.

I’m honestly not sure that this is true. In the end we all choose a path that works for us at the time and none of us know how things would have been different (for better or worse) if we’d taken a different one. It’s very easy and acceptable to say you regret not spending more time with your family but how that looks in your head and how it would be in reality may well be very different (not least because in your head you probably trade it off against boring time at work but fail to think about all the nice bits you’d have missed without that job. For the majority of us also we are not tied to careers to the extent of the people in a show like that. We make a lot of compromises seeking the best balance we can.

Actually I'm sure it probably is true. And I work and am happy to. I don't suppose EVERYONE regrets the time they spend working at all. Especially not if their job was something amazing like developing medical advances or saving lives. But I'm sure many do regret it. I can't imagine anyone saying they regret the time they spent with loved ones though

Whichhandbag your comments are extremely rude and misogynistic. I know many professional women myself included who took years out and are BACK in good professional careers. You should be ashamed of typing such comments

I sacrificed my career, but then if I didn’t I’d probably say I wished I’d spent more time with my children. (That’s not a dig at anyone) It’s pointless me regretting things I cannot change.