Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Me too. I love it, it’s warm and friendly.

Maybe some people don’t like it when someone younger says it to them because they feel like an old dear. I can see why it might come across as grating it of all the things to get wound up about, a kind nurse should not be one of them.

As a young person, it feels maternal and comforting.

You're still furious. Maybe you should have let her know at the time so she knew she was dealing with a precious patient.

I was exaggerating for effect. 99% of nurses don't do this but every so often you get one & it really grates. I know there is a cohort of middle aged people who can't wait to be treated like an old moron but I'm not one of them. Wait til it's your turn - apart from anything else, I think it's a sign that you're not really being listened to. I don't mind being called by my first name - most nurses & a lot of docs introduce themselves by their first names these days.

My doctor's name is Scott, that's what I call him. And I call his colleague Tom, because that's his name.

I agree. It's possible, easy even, to treat people with warmth and respect at the same time.

Also, it sounds a bit dim on behalf of the speaker.

The level of ingratitude has just gone up a gear.

Thru my cancer scare I would have been happy to be called anything other than a cancer patient.

You can be grateful for good clinical care without needing to be patronised.

Same here. That's why I wouldn't make a thing of it. That doesn't stop it being patronising, does it? Being grateful about good treatment doesn't mean you actually have like the bits that aren't so good, does it? Just because I put up with it doesn't mean I like it. I had to put up with young male customers calling me 'darlin' ' & 'sweetheart' before I dumped the job & that made me scream so my aversion to this isn't confined to medical staff! It's just awful.

Fair enough. Thank goodness we are both okay ❤️ x

Indeed. You'll never hear me kicking up a fuss about that; I'm very grateful for the mobile ct scanner in Asda car park (I had no symptoms & would not have known until much later down the road) & I'm grateful for all the efforts to try & keep me cancer free.
Just don't call me Darlin' 😉

Today my doctor called me love. I thought it was rather sweet.

How is it patronising ? Some people need to lighten up. Nurses are only trying to be friendly and put you at your ease.
I remember in the 70's I was a nurse on. ward for private patients.
We had some lovely people but the majority were snotty and Sister would have skinned me alive if I'd called anyone ' darling '

Or babe 😆 🤣

Im in healthcare, have been for years, and I friggin hate this ‘darling’ (the worst) ‘lovely’, ‘Mum’ crap we use for patients. It’s a more recent thing I’ve noticed in my long career. I hate it being used in my service and I hate it being used for me as a patient, as it’s patronising, especially from a younger staff member. You don’t need to be overly familiar to be kind or a good nurse. Just find out which name the patient wants to be addressed by and use it!

Rightly so!

Those were the days 🤣

Bloody hell, the painful biopsy I went through, having my gynae nurse and her two assistants hearing me shouting fuck me while holding my hand. Afterwards, they had a laugh when I asked when I could next have sex. I was shit scared of my procedures and not so uptight to be worried about what they called me. I appreciate you view it differently.

Has anyone also thought about the traffic of patients and their individual needs? Putting pressure on clinical staff to then have to remember or acknowledge individual names when they are run off their feet is surely unreasonable.

Utter rubbish. It takes seconds to look at/ask a name.

And therefore not appropriate to call patients this in a professional setting.
Patients should be asked how they would like to be addressed

Are you run off yout feet as a clinician?

Yes because medical staff have so much time in between seeing other patients.

All this to-ing and fro-ing about time to remember people's name is actually irrelevant in all contexts.

When I see people, I will check I have the right person for the meeting, introduce myself as Katy. Once I know I have David Watts sitting in front of me I'd use his name perhaps once at the outset and when concluding the meeting. I wouldn't keep repeating the name like Swiss Toni the used car salesman or an annoying cold caller. I wouldn't call him sweetie.

No, it's not the same application in ALL contexts. However, you do you and keep right on. I prefer to have a very warm and informal care team when I'm unwell and in the hands of medical staff. Then again, I'm not up my own arse.