Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Surely it’s vital that medical staff check the name of the person they’re treating in a busy medical setting? If they assume Mrs Smith is in cubical 1, but she got moved to cubical 4, the wrong patient could end up with the wrong treatment.

You're assuming staff are unaware of patients' names. To address a patient generically is no indicator, one way or another, of lack of respect. Until I read these posts I thought I was an unreasonable critic of NHS staff.

I’d rather be darling than mate.

I'd rather be alive than dead.

I am a health professional and I think that's really unprofessional. I wonder if people would still think it's ok if it was a middle aged male doctor calling a 25 year old woman 'darling'. Why is it ok for older adults to be called darling? I work with older adults and I wouldn't dream of using such terms. I don't think people would take me seriously if they did. I think it's really condescending to call patients 'darling' and if any of the staff I manage called patients 'darling' I would be raising this in their clinical supervision.

I think care and compassion is demonstrated far more powerfully by demonstrating empathy and listening to people.

👏👏👏👏👏

I am a health care professional and I always ask patients how they would like to be addressed. Imo, that's part of my professional role.

Why on gods earth would you have an issue with someone being kind to you.

Get over yourself.

Is that to me or to another poster? I wasn't the patient. But just picture this and see how you feel.

Hello there, my darling, come on through. Just take a seat right here for me, my love.

Thank you. I've been having some blurring in my left eye lately.

Oh, we don't like that, do we darling? Don't you worry, my darling, we’ll get you sorted out in no time. Just pop your chin on the rest for me my darling

Is it level? It feels a bit high

You’re doing brilliantly, my darling. Just keep your head nice and still, my darling. Now, look at the green light for me, my darling, that's it, my darlin

Right. Shall I read the letters now

In just a moment, my darling. I'm just going to dim the lights. I’m right here with you, my darling. Now, read the top line for me, my Darling

That's how it was. The neighbour said she couldn't concentrate on the actual test because she was waiting for the next time she was called darling.

I bet you’re popular!!!
That post sounded incredibly ‘full of my own self importance’ very skin crawly 🤢

I'm in hospital right now for the second time already this year and I've not noticed any love and darling stuff. The doctor I see the most of calls me Mrs xxx, the nurses and other doctors by the unabbreviated version of my first name if they've come looking for me. The others who come because I've rung my bell or are serving up the food/drink either call me by my preferred name if they remember it otherwise skirt round the issue whilst being polite and friendly. As I would. They forgot to write my name on my board when I came back to the ward last night. All that matters to me is that they are kind and approachable. At 61, I'm pretty certain I'm the youngest in my bay of 6 beds. I'm not noticing any different treatment towards the older ladies, even when they're being a bit awkward.

Last time I was in hospital I was called 'My lover' repeatedly by my fabulous Indian consultant. Luckily it was in the Westcountry!

I can handle darling or love, but what really grates is an “ah, bless you” after every response I give to a certain nurse at a certain hospital close to me. I find that especially patronising and want to then slap this nurse about the face with a wet fish.

Argh I HATE being called 'mate' by men. IME men call a woman MATE to let her know he doesn't fancy her, to keep her at arm's length, so she doesn't get any ideas. I think 'lol fuck off I don't fancy you anyway!'

I mean he may not be calling me mate because of that.... 😆 (But in my head he is!)

And awww BLESS can get in the fucking bin! 😬

Anything else is OK with me though. Darlin', hun, babe, luv, bab, duck, cock, I don't mind any. Just not MATE, (from a man) and 'awwww bless.......'

I'm a physician. I call anyone over 80 pet and love. I'm irish though so it's the norm here. I also go by my first name with the elderly.

It’s just a nice kind thing to say

Oh dear I remember an academic psychologist colleague who referred to her old-age research volunteers as 'biddies'. I thought it was very patronising, wrong and ungrateful. I've just wondered if 'biddy' is related to 'biddable'.

The only time I hear aww bless is when I've done something nice for somebody. I can't think of any context this would come up in in a health care setting.

My mam would have absolutely hated that, seen it as patronising.

We’re Irish.

I was in Cafe Nero yesterday. The barista called everyone darling Two men came in and were trying to get to the toilet without buying anything and got stroppy when they were told they couldn't. She called them darling several times whilst throwing them out!

Biddy is Bridget.

My mum is 80, she's an ex matron and nurse lecturer in elderly care and she grew up in the nursing system (her mum and aunts were nurses too) where respect and hierarchy matters. She also has dementia but even on days when she can't remember her own name she remembers the rules of being a nurse.

Someone calling her darling is, to her, a breach of the basic rules of etiquette and when a ward nurse or a carer does it, it's a reminder that the respect she feels she earned has been stripped away and they see her as a little old lady. It also makes her lose respect for them as a professional. Because that's not what she was trained to do. And if they don't know how to do their job, why should she trust them?

She will use the only power she thinks she has and stop complying with care. I've literally seen her starve for 24 hours because she was called sweetie. And it doesn't matter how often I explain it to her, some part of her brain is ruling a hospital wing in the 1970s and those are the rules she applies.

I call check out and other staff darling. It's a term of endearment, kindness and gratitude. I'm not about to stop saying it because precious bystanders maybe offended. If somebody told me they were offended, which they won't, I would have a rethink. You're taking this way too seriously.

Nothing wrong with this it’s a pleasant name to be called

The neighbour of mine said that she hears it so often she believes it's part of nursing training.