Page 7 | To be annoyed with step sons increased presence

pineapplesundae · 05/10/2025 23:40

Set him up with a girlfriend!

pinkyredrose · 06/10/2025 00:00

Nestingbirds · 05/10/2025 20:23

This is very sad. Buy him something to sit on. Ask him not to come on date nights. Maybe his father could take him out once a week?

Why is it sad? It's an adult man too tight to pay for a permit and infringing on his dad and stepmums lives. What's the point of him having his own flat if he's barely there?

pinkyredrose · 06/10/2025 00:01

PeaceReacher · 05/10/2025 21:43

Especially as the nights draw in and it’s cold. It sounds as though he enjoys being around you and his Dad.

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He's an adult man not a spaniel!

KM123456 · 06/10/2025 00:44

I think he's lonely. If he has a roommate, there may be issues there. But it's not just the parking permit.

Theroadt · 06/10/2025 07:15

missedtherainbow · 04/10/2025 10:28

Could there be something more to it? Do you think maybe he’s feeling lonely?
If he’s round at yours every evening and most weekends is he socialising much or has he any friends?

This. I think you need to find out what’s going on.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/10/2025 08:33

MistyMountainTop · 04/10/2025 17:29

I agree with a previous poster, a membership at David Lloyd or Virgin Active where they have a gym, swimming pool and social events may work for him. He could spend the whole evening there & save heating his place!

This. Straight there after work with his car. especially if it’s better value than a parking permit.

Dearnurse · 06/10/2025 08:44

He's clearly lonely, either invite him to come live with you or come to an arrangement where he can leave his car but comes over a certain amount of days a week..

FlyingUnicornWings · 06/10/2025 09:10

jungleball · 04/10/2025 10:22

I have a lovely step son (25) who we enjoyed having at weekends all through his teens. He was 13 when I met Dh.

Since he moved out of his mums to a rental he popped in on a Sunday for a roast and that’s been lovely.

He has recently moved to a new rental with only permit parking only until 6pm, he doesn’t want to pay this so comes to our house every day as it’s just round the corner and parks on our drive until 6 when he can go home.

The problem is he doesn’t go home, he comes by every day at 4pm and lets himself in and sits there until about 9pm.
One night I had to ask him to go at 11pm as we were going to bed.
We only have room for a small 3 seater sofa so he sits there and I just potter around as there’s no room to sit down even though I’m tired after work and want to relax.

I would just like my evenings back the way they were and to enjoy him visiting when we plan.
Dh gets annoyed by him coming over all the time too but he doesn’t like to say anything so he just eye rolls at me while looking at the clock.
We had a nice evening planned last Friday night a takeaway and bottle of wine but he didn’t get the hint so it ended up being date night for 3.
I know I married a man with a son but I didn’t sign up for this constant intrusion, he’s never lived here yet recently he’s here more than he’s at home.
Dh asked if I wanted him to pick up some wine for this evening and my immediate thought was no because step son will probably be here all night.
I do genuinely love him to bits but I am finding his sudden constant presence a bit much.

It all started with this parking issue which I’ve offered to pay but he says he’s got the money but isn’t prepared to pay for parking as he’s at work all week.
He also parks here all weekend meaning he’s in and out all Saturday and Sunday too.
AIBU or just a miserable cow?

“While we love having you here, we also would like some intimate time together in the evenings…”

That should do it 😆

MissBattleaxe · 06/10/2025 09:17

Mulledjuice · 04/10/2025 10:30

Well for a start, sit in your own sofa.

Start snogging on the sofa in front of him he'll soon go

I was going to say the same thing. Get it on with his Dad. Hell get the ick and leave.

Rose213 · 06/10/2025 09:34

Shut the blinds and leave the key in the door.

gannett · 06/10/2025 09:45

I'm never sure why anyone lets people who don't live in their house have keys. I couldn't relax knowing someone might "pop in" at any given moment. But aside from that this situation is only as tricky as you make it.

You want to sit on your sofa? "Hey, budge up a bit, I'm knackered and I want to sit down too." (Is it the only place you can relax in your house? When I was in houseshares and wanted to veg out by myself but someone was already on the communal sofa, I just went to my bedroom.)

He's still there when you want to go to bed? Just go to bed! If you trust him to have a key to your house then you can trust him to let himself out.

He accidentally gatecrashed your date night? Tell him in advance it's a date night for just the two of you.

And because he's obviously lonely and not enjoying living by himself - suggest things to do after work that aren't at your house. Go out to something - pub, restaurant, gig. That can be just your husband and his son, or all three of you. Suggest he hosts at his place - if he uses a slow cooker by default he should be able to do this - because you'd love to see it. Etc.

Floofle · 06/10/2025 09:59

I know this is very childish but...
Could you spend the evening making out on the sofa with your DH? That'd get rid of him pretty quickly 😂
Or answer the door out of breath, in a barely-closed dressing gown!

childofthe607080s · 06/10/2025 10:03

Is there anything else going on? I mean he could leave the car at your house by the sound of things

if he is at your place on a Friday night and not out with mates I would be slightly concerned

Doubledenim305 · 06/10/2025 11:19

Why does he have a key?
Id be out and locking the door to break the pattern.
I hear you. You are not being miserable or unreasonable. Id absolutely hate that. It's your house. How would he like it you coming round to on his, eating his food and taking over EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. He would hate it!
Pay for the parking for him.
And tell him if he wants company his dad will come round and sit on his sofa and he can pay the food and cook .

OR
Because he is totally sponging. Give him jobs to do as hes bored. Get him cooking. Shopping. Cleaning. Doing washing up and pull his weight. Keep him busy busy busy.

Just my tuppence worth. He sounds lazy and will take advantage as long as he can.

Doubledenim305 · 06/10/2025 11:21

Rose213 · 06/10/2025 09:34

Shut the blinds and leave the key in the door.

Awesome 😎 😎 😎 😎.
I

Doubledenim305 · 06/10/2025 11:22

pineapplesundae · 05/10/2025 23:40

Set him up with a girlfriend!

No, HE needs to take responsibility for his life and happiness.

Hopingtobeaparent · 07/10/2025 08:06

@jungleball

I can hear your frustration OP. I agree with other posters, he’s obviously lonely, probably somewhat depressed, and stuck in a rut.

i’d recommend a compassionate conversation with him, asking how he’s feeling about where he lives, exploring about friendships and hobbies. And yes the previous poster had said it’s lovely to see him, but you are concerned about the amount, and it does feel too much.

Definitely think some boundaries need to come in, but also maybe organising when he does come and visit, but properly visit, and properly engage with you. So maybe while he gets himself sorted and back into seeing friends and doing hobbies, every Monday and Thursday perhaps, and maybe every other weekend, he comes for dinner, or even better, he brings dinner he’s made, but you share food, like a family, and you actually do something together like play a game or watch a film and spend some quality time together. And yes, force yourself onto the sofa you want to sit down too!

Maybe also OP, go out, and defo tell him it’s date night so he needs to find somewhere else to hang out that evening! 😉 😉

Good luck!

Hopingtobeaparent · 07/10/2025 08:19

Hopingtobeaparent · 07/10/2025 08:06

@jungleball

I can hear your frustration OP. I agree with other posters, he’s obviously lonely, probably somewhat depressed, and stuck in a rut.

i’d recommend a compassionate conversation with him, asking how he’s feeling about where he lives, exploring about friendships and hobbies. And yes the previous poster had said it’s lovely to see him, but you are concerned about the amount, and it does feel too much.

Definitely think some boundaries need to come in, but also maybe organising when he does come and visit, but properly visit, and properly engage with you. So maybe while he gets himself sorted and back into seeing friends and doing hobbies, every Monday and Thursday perhaps, and maybe every other weekend, he comes for dinner, or even better, he brings dinner he’s made, but you share food, like a family, and you actually do something together like play a game or watch a film and spend some quality time together. And yes, force yourself onto the sofa you want to sit down too!

Maybe also OP, go out, and defo tell him it’s date night so he needs to find somewhere else to hang out that evening! 😉 😉

Good luck!

Oh yes, and maybe go to his sometimes. Help him bond with the place a bit, help it to have a better feel.

Salcs123 · 08/10/2025 21:39

Sorry to understand you and HIS FATHER have an issue he feels safe at the home?

Salcs123 · 08/10/2025 21:41

So to be clear you and HIS FATHER have an issue he feels safe and comfortable in your home and you would rather be in bed?! Neither deserve him!!

TheDenimPoet · 08/10/2025 21:50

HappyGolmore2 · 04/10/2025 10:40

Is this about the car or is he lonely? He sounds like he’s lonely to me…

Yeah this. It's the first time he's lived on his own, and it's not as fun as it sounds to go home to an empty house every night after work. Maybe he just really wants some company, even if that's just being a part of a family home.

I miss home sometimes. The "home" and "family" I miss is no longer together so I can't go back to it as it was, but my god, if I could, I would.

Every night does seem a little bit excessive though to be fair.

Have a chat with him, ask if everything's ok.

It's absolutely fair enough for you to point out that while he's at your house, you've nowhere to sit down and relax. It's your house!

TheDenimPoet · 08/10/2025 21:51

Salcs123 · 08/10/2025 21:41

So to be clear you and HIS FATHER have an issue he feels safe and comfortable in your home and you would rather be in bed?! Neither deserve him!!

Hahaha really????? He's a 25 year old man, and poor OP has nowhere to sit down, and can't choose her own schedule of an evening!!!!

Turtletot79 · 08/10/2025 22:05

TheDenimPoet · 08/10/2025 21:51

Hahaha really????? He's a 25 year old man, and poor OP has nowhere to sit down, and can't choose her own schedule of an evening!!!!

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Hahahahahha never be a parent - for whatever reason you may be needed at any age?! Does it cross your mind a 25 year old may need love and support - no so never have children and never date/marry anyone who does!