AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

[SassyBear2]

My son is very academically capable and wants to study Electrical Engineering. From what he’s researched, Cambridge is better for engineering than Oxford because it’s more hands-on and practical, and the acceptance rate is slightly higher.

Despite this, we’ve been encouraging him to apply to Oxford. We live about an hour away by car, and if he went there he could commute from home, which would reduce how much we need to fund his uni life.

He says he wants to move out for uni because he wants to "experience proper student life" and he believes uni accommodation is an important aspect of that.

We’re also suggesting he look at London unis instead of other options like Warwick, because they’re only about an hour away if there’s no traffic.

AIBU for pressuring him a bit to apply to local unis rather than slightly better ones further away? Is an hour commute really far uni? Also do most students move out for uni or do they stay at home?

Please don’t do this to him, he’ll remember it forever. enthusiastically support him.

If you hadn’t lived in London, instead living in, I don’t know, Warrington, or Worcester, or Wrexham, would you still have insisted your DC lived at home due to cost and said you couldn’t afford them living away and thus had to go to a local university?

I think it is totally unfair of you and your DH to try to influence your DS with regard to his choice of Uni & accommodation.
it is quite simply not your life, not your decision to make.
And yes I do know what I am talking about; all 4 of my DCs have been to University including one to Oxbridge.
Please stop making this about you.

£100k on university support alone?

Of course we have arguments at home. I wanted them to commute all 3 years, they relented. DH was always supportive of one year in halls. The eldest didn't want to go to uni in London, we did argue at home, they then went to LSE and loved it.

I feel so sorry for students who are pressured to live at home through uni. I mean, totally fair enough if they actually want to live at home, but they do miss out on a lot.

The only students who have dropped out of dd's uni course have been people commuting in from home.

Finances shouldn't be a barrier with your household income, I think you should support him to go where he wants to go.

Doesn't Oxford Uni have residence requirements anyway? I know that Cambridge does. I don't think you'd be allowed to commute from as far as an hour away?

I think living in a city which has multiple world-class universities is an outlier position, very different from the vast majority of parents / students. In most cases, the decision to stay local and live at home would entail restricting choice and / or compromising quality and / or (Oxbridge) potentially breaching residence requirements. It does also postpone the normal timing of the step into independent young adulthood, the making of friends and mistakes and decisions that is so much part of young adult life.

Yes
£1100 a month each
4 year courses (Scotland)
No fees though (Scotland)
Glad we could support them

Probably would have had to fork out money instead of savings thousands of pounds.

Glad I didn't need to do this. Our DC would took loans for fees only maintenance for one year

Yabvvu.
Once parties die out so he should then live at home. Yeah cos that’s a thing.
Parties “might” be fewer but friendships have been formed. And by third year the workload will have increased.
no student wants to mess about spending two hours of every day travelling.
Living away is a key reason for going. I honesty don’t see the point otherwise.

Yes I admit this is true. OP isn't coming back to the thread. It would have been very helpful to know where OP is based.

I know not everyone lives in London. And not everyone lives near a university.

I would never recommend commuting to Oxbridge. And some commutes are easier than others. It depends on the time, method of transport and how many changes. A bus ride from home to uni is different to multiple trains needed

I really appreciate everyone's replies. I've reads all of them (it took me a while cause they piled up very very quickly) and I have now reconsidered the situation. I know if I was at uni I would want to move out and so I realise it's unfair for me to force my son to commute from home. Thank you once again for all of the very thoughtful and helpful replies.

Btw I also saw a lot of posts asking where I'm based. We live in Bracknell.

Was this a joke all along?

Many MN queries come across as false to me - this one is a contender especially given that it dangled the patently impossible idea of commuting to an Oxbridge college.

If not, all good wishes for the future to your son.

@SassyBear2 - i think you’ve made the right decision. Good luck to your son for his applications!

Isn’t it against the law to start an AIBU thread, read the replies, and accept you were being unreasonable, @SassyBear2? 😉🥰😁

Yes you’re being unreasonable. The student experience - living & socialising with your peers and enjoying your first taste of proper independence - is one of the most exciting parts of going to university. Why on earth would he want to live at home with his parents instead & miss out?