AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

[SassyBear2]

My son is very academically capable and wants to study Electrical Engineering. From what he’s researched, Cambridge is better for engineering than Oxford because it’s more hands-on and practical, and the acceptance rate is slightly higher.

Despite this, we’ve been encouraging him to apply to Oxford. We live about an hour away by car, and if he went there he could commute from home, which would reduce how much we need to fund his uni life.

He says he wants to move out for uni because he wants to "experience proper student life" and he believes uni accommodation is an important aspect of that.

We’re also suggesting he look at London unis instead of other options like Warwick, because they’re only about an hour away if there’s no traffic.

AIBU for pressuring him a bit to apply to local unis rather than slightly better ones further away? Is an hour commute really far uni? Also do most students move out for uni or do they stay at home?

Undergraduates cannot comute to Oxford.

YABVU

You also don’t have to fund his university life.

looking at you Bristol with your £10k+ SC halls

That's a bit harsh @clary - almost 😀 Bristol - and I think we're talking University of rather than UWE - only has 5% of its self-catered accom at over £10k. But the median is not much less at around the £9,000 mark. Which is pretty shocking, though possibly not unique. And somewhat at odds with Bristol's significant widening participation success when compared with somewhere like Durham.

It does however bear out the genuine point, that, although I do think the OP is being very U, costs have increased significantly over the past few years - and whilst many parents well have had plans in places, their contingencies may not quite have stretched to the scenarios we have seen play out in in the current decade.

Looking at where D2 went his SC halls were £6,200 in 2019 - top end and in very recently built accommodation - for the academic year just starting those same halls are pushing £8,500.

definitely encourage him to experience living at uni too! It's not just about the academic side of it, it's the life experience. Let him enjoy it.

Warwick will be great as cheaper to live there than London. Cambridge would be amazing

I think it'd be useful to know where OP is actually based.

If your son got in to Oxford you wouldn't want him to live there?!

Yes, he should definitely be independent of you whilst he's at uni. One of my boys stayed at home (his choice) and definitely didn't have such a good experience. And it should be his choice of uni, not yours, Cambridge sounds like a better fit, or failing that Imperial.

You need to bite the bullet and raise the money for his expenses, that's what is expected at your level of income and it's just penny pinching to want him to stay at or near home. It's his life.

My parents didn't want me to go far for university. I refused the local ones, but wasn't allowed to apply to any in London. I know this harmed my career because I moved to a city that hosted a massive event directly related to my degree subject, and everyone that was recruited to work there was from bigger cities.

Had my DC wanted to go to Nottingham or Bath because "they want to leave London" I would have shut that down because there's no extra value add to attending Bath over the London unis mentioned.

@Gfff So, you agree that pressuring your DC to go to a university you want them to go to is a good idea?

Bath has consistently been a top ten university for years. The snobbery in your post is breathtaking.

Definitely this.

It’s not even snobbery. The idea of “shutting down” your child’s wish to study anywhere is what’s breathtaking.

And education snobbery is the worst form of snobbery!

Yes, you are!

I must admit I strongly hinted to Dd I’d prefer her not to go to London because of the cost of accommodation but she applied to UCL anyway. Got an offer from Oxford Brookes (her last choice) but I was alarmed to find accommodation was just about as much as London.

Was so happy when she accepted Manchester only to find my illusion of it being a cheap northern city was totally wrong and her accommodation is costing me a fortune 🙈😁

Yep, sadly, there’s not enough student accommodation in Manc. I read an article a couple of years ago about students getting clearing places at Man Met and having to go somewhere else because they could not find accommodation for love nor money. Cheap Northern places do exist tho, just not Manchester.

But LSE, Imperial (where my DC have attended) are vastly better unis. I never pressured the subject. They have complete freedom, just it's so much easier for us financially if they go to university in London. They are allowed one year in halls, but after that they stay with us. If they were to get into Oxbridge I'd never hold them back. But if they get into the fabulous universities in London, it's so much easier for us.

I'd rather have them go to university in London than fork out £ks to cover up a maintenance loan that'll just be gathering interest for them.

Yabu

my Ds is at a uni close to home, but has moved into student halls. He is loving it and would not be having the same experiences at all if he was still at home.

My son has just started in his first year of EEE (electrical and electronic engineering) at the UEA. He wanted to move into halls - I’m 12 miles away and his dad is closer.
I’m just glad he felt ready for that next step, even if financially it would have been cheaper to commute, as he’s trying sports and socials that he wouldn’t otherwise do.

Because it's so much financially better for us if they stay in London. The (arguably best) unis in the world are right on our doorstep. We are so fortunate for this. We'd never tell them to turn down an Oxbridge offer. DC have tried and we helped them as much as we could but they were unsuccessful at the interview stage.

All my DC have gotten heavily involved in university life and made friends. In the commuting years they just slept over at a friend's if a party was going into the early hours. Most importantly they thoroughly engaged with the academics.

@Gfff great that it works for you
and yours. Your DC could have turned round and said “ No, I/ we want out of London and we WANT to explore a new part of the country”.

By the way, there may be great universities in London, but it isn’t the epitome of the universe. There are some fabulous universities all over the country. Bath being one!

I think London is a bit different because even students living in halls, and certainly students in second or third years in shared houses, often have to commute a bit so the social side is a bit different to other places.

I went to Bristol uni btw – but I was shocked to see, when looking at accomm in relation to another thread recently, that so much of it is so ££. OK, only about 1400 places, some of which will probably be reserved for postgrads, are over £10k for SC; but huge numbers of halls places are in SC halls started at over £9k. That's ridiculous IMHO when the full loan will leave barely anything for even food – if it even covers the rent!

Unless you are happy to share a room, there's very little uni halls accomm in Bristol Uni (yes not UWE) at less than £6k. That’s not very inclusive (and I agree that Bristol has a big focus on WP).

Other unis manage to offer accommodation at a much cheaper rate. It's worth looking at this when applying IMHO unless endless funds are available. I agree with your general point tho for sure.

Then we would have said no. Eldest actually wanted to go to Manchester for economics because "oh the social life will be good, I want to move out". We had a chat about how LSE economics is the best in the world outside of Europe and they'll have a fab time in London. They made good friends Year 1 in halls and have maintained this friendship since. Even though they commuted later they still ran societies and participated in university life.

Yes and you can experience all of that and more, at other good reputable universities in the country.

But the ones in London are better. Sometimes on occasion, people do turn down Oxford and Cambridge to go to LSE/Imperial. Though I'd fully support any of my DC attending Oxbridge. One will apply for their PhD there, I hope they get in.

Why pay all the extra money to "move away" to a lesser uni when world leading unis are on your doorstep?