AIBU for pressuring my son to apply to unis close to home?

[SassyBear2]

My son is very academically capable and wants to study Electrical Engineering. From what he’s researched, Cambridge is better for engineering than Oxford because it’s more hands-on and practical, and the acceptance rate is slightly higher.

Despite this, we’ve been encouraging him to apply to Oxford. We live about an hour away by car, and if he went there he could commute from home, which would reduce how much we need to fund his uni life.

He says he wants to move out for uni because he wants to "experience proper student life" and he believes uni accommodation is an important aspect of that.

We’re also suggesting he look at London unis instead of other options like Warwick, because they’re only about an hour away if there’s no traffic.

AIBU for pressuring him a bit to apply to local unis rather than slightly better ones further away? Is an hour commute really far uni? Also do most students move out for uni or do they stay at home?

An hours commute for uni is horrendous. Let him live on site

Which you should top up

Apologies, I thought it was to OP.

Fair point. Students who live in college accommodation aren't allowed cars as there is nowhere to park. He'd have to train or park and ride.

If my London based DC got into Oxbridge I'd do whatever I could to fund college accomodation costs

Haven’t read all the responses but this all seems a bit odd to me. The minimum loan is just under 5k. Living costs at Oxbridge are 12k maximum. On a combined income of 90k, you couldn’t manage topping up by about 7k over the course of a year? That’s less than £600 a month. I know that’s quite a lot extra to find each month, but unless your mortgage is astronomical it confuses me how that couldn’t come out of income each month.

Also bear in mind that at Oxbridge they are only there for half the year! If he manages to make a few grand over the course of the holidays, your outgoings for topping up will be less!

You sound like you only have one child!
People with multiple children that are on 90k a year cannot possibly fund all their kids to go socialise at university for the uni experience!
These families have bigger houses with bigger mortgages to accommodate for multiple children. They save on a monthly bases for these children throughout their lives, but funding multiple weekly piss-ups at their student accommodation isn’t seen as a priority worth saving for! There’s simply no funds for that.
All the savings/funds might be prioritised for 3 or 4 children’s house deposits instead of “living the university experience”

Let him enjoy his life. This is where it starts.

Ffs why are you being so mean OP? Your poor son.

@SassyBear2 if it will cause you financial hardship, then he has to understand this. He will have to get a job and the sooner the better, he can start saving. More and more young people are opting to study closer to home. You can still have a good experience, living at home.

£600 net PER MONTH is a huge amount extra to find.

All the savings/funds might be prioritised for 3 or 4 children’s house deposits instead of “living the university experience”

In which case it might be sensible to ask them which they’d prefer.

Yes, then you need to factor in train strikes/ delays/ cancellations. It all needs thinking and planning properly OP.

Seriously, there’s so many ignorant people on here.
Bigger families with 3/4children can absolutely not fund all their kids to go on a jolly piss up for 2/3years for the university experience! Even on 100k per year.
These families have bigger houses and mortgages and far more expenses than a family with one or two kids! These parents would probably be fully supportive of paying for tuition cost for all 3/4kids but they certainly wouldn’t be supportive of paying for their kids to have the so called university experience! Theres simply just no funds for that from an income of 100k

Hi OP . Could your son take a gap year to save up for uni? One of my DC recently graduated from Oxbridge (not in engineering) . Quite honestly it was an intense slog and to have had an hour's commute and miss out on the social life I think would have made it absolutely dismal. The same for other unis too IMO. Good luck with the choices ahead!

No, not for two people who have a household income of £90k and who aren’t financially struggling.

If it’s at all possible financially, then encourage your son to apply for Cambridge, as it will undoubtedly open many doors in the future. However, from your post, I’m assuming he hasn’t been offered a place at Cambridge yet, but is in the process of applying? I imagine competition is fierce, so in that respect, encouraging your son to consider other options is a sensible approach. However, should he be successful in being offered a place at Cambridge, and it suits his requirements, then you really should, if you can afford to, be encouraging his ambition to go there, not thwarting it. Surely there is help out there for students who have the potential but might be limited financially? Commuting from home, as you would like him to do, will really minimise the full student experience he could have, and from what you’ve hinted at, he really would like to experience full student life. Don’t clip his wings - it might backfire on you in the future.

@kirinm - but maybe not if your net monthly income is over 5k?

That is why most sensible people seem to stick to having just 2 children. When your children are young, yes having 3 or 4 might sound lovely but you have to think about later.

If you think that’s all students go to uni for, then you know jack.

You mean ask a 17 year old boy if he’d like to go and live alone so he can perhaps have sex/smoke/drink/and take drugs in peace for a few years without his parents gaze OR get his own flat in 5 years time.
As if anyone would be capable of making a wise decision at that age!

These parents would probably be fully supportive of paying for tuition cost for all 3/4kids but they certainly wouldn’t be supportive of paying for their kids to have the so called university experience!

Which would be spectacularly stupid - ask Martin Lewis. You appear to think the only reason anyone would want to live away from home would be to constantly get off their face. Nothing to do with participating in sport, drama, music or going to a film with mates. I still have friends from my uni days in the 80s, but certainly wouldn’t have if I’d toddled off campus at 5pm every day.

If you think that’s what uni is like/for then you are sadly mistaken.

No they don’t go to university just for a piss up. BUT they can go to university whilst living at home and commuting without having to feel hard done by.

Well I’d have felt bloody hard done by and I’d have been excluded from all sorts of things that enriched my life so I’d move heaven and earth to give mine the same thing.