Page 27 | Colleague sent me message by mistake

NorthernGirl1975 · 05/10/2025 09:28

Katherine9 · 05/10/2025 09:00

If writing thoughts is 'stupid' then surely that has implications for online forums!

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I mean in the workplace setting. I really fancy a colleague of mine and some days depending on what he's wearing (nothing like the OP) he looks particularly hot. I'd never dream of messaging another colleague to say so however! Nobody knows what I think but me.

washinwashoutrepeat · 05/10/2025 09:34

This thread is absolutely bonkers!

I would definitely let him know that I saw the message, and then I would give him my best ‘I’m disappointed’ stare before walking away.

NototerrorismIntheUK · 05/10/2025 09:37

MissMoneyFairy · 03/10/2025 17:18

I'd ask what did he mean by his comment about your leggings

This. Just clarify what they meant. Say you read it.

Deboragh · 05/10/2025 09:55

MissMoneyFairy · 03/10/2025 17:18

I'd ask what did he mean by his comment about your leggings

And more to the point, WHO was he sending it to? Is there a men only group chat were they rate their female colleagues 🤮

Hmm1234 · 05/10/2025 10:28

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 17:15

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

Sounds like a compliment

SquirrelMadness · 05/10/2025 10:47

Wearing clothes that accentuate your arse crack and then complaining about people noticing is making a mockery of feminism, imo. It makes us look silly. Men don't walk around the office in tight trousers that accentuate the outline of their penis and if they did I'm pretty sure people would comment on it.

DreamCircle · 05/10/2025 11:28

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 20:40

Of course not. My point was that they are hardly the most flattering item of clothing for the larger lady.

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Why even make this point, though? Isn’t your post supposed to be about a male colleague making an inappropriate comment about you? Yet you choose to put down the women you work with instead. Charming.

saraclara · 05/10/2025 13:30

SquirrelMadness · 05/10/2025 10:47

Wearing clothes that accentuate your arse crack and then complaining about people noticing is making a mockery of feminism, imo. It makes us look silly. Men don't walk around the office in tight trousers that accentuate the outline of their penis and if they did I'm pretty sure people would comment on it.

Exactly.

And just to clarify for the benefit of some posters:

Wearing clothing that accentuates secondary sexual characteristics does not excuse men sexually assaulting women.

However, it does excuse them commenting on the wearer's attractiveness. Because after all, women wear them because they want to appear attractive to men.

BluesBird19764 · 05/10/2025 16:19

definitely this.

Inversion545 · 05/10/2025 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Uptheworkers · 05/10/2025 16:34

I tried to post a photo of men’s leggings to ask if anybody would think it’s appropriate for a man to wear them at work or in public.

Ironically it was deleted because it’s inappropriate, which pretty much proves my point.

Thats how these ‘scrunch’ leggings look to the rest of us. We don’t want to be seeing what you had for dinner last night, certainly not at work.

crappycrapcrap · 05/10/2025 16:41

Scrunch leggings are grim, I cannot begin to imagine a time where that’s ok for work….if you’re a gym instructor I guess.
I think it’s fortunate he put the sweat emoji as then at least it’s a compliment. But yeah, you do know what you’re doing with the arse crack enhancers at work.

ChangingWeight · 05/10/2025 17:01

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 17:58

What do you mean?

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Isn’t this common sense?

I’m in my 20s, slim, go gym etc. It’s cringe to say but undeniably I have a nice figure. I don’t dress to emphasise my figure at work though. You’re specifically wearing scrunch bum leggings to accentuate your ass, alongside a tight t shirt to what, accentuate your boobs/waist?

For me, I don’t see the point in doing that. I don’t want the losers I work with to think I’m attractive like that. I totally dress differently at work, than outside of work.

Isittimeformynapyet · 05/10/2025 17:15

UnintentionalArcher · 04/10/2025 21:53

Are scrunch leggings the ones where the scrunched bit is designed to look like a bum hole? If so, there may be a generational difference at play in terms of the opinions you’re getting on appropriateness. I’m young and fit enough to still look good in leggings but I remember when I first saw women a few years younger wearing these at the gym, my internal response was ‘what the actual fuck?’ And this is coming from someone who doesn’t normally bat an eyelid at fashion changes. It’s nothing to do with tightness, but just the sheer oddity of leggings that deliberately replicate an intimate body part on the outside. All I can think when I see them is what next? Vulva leggings? The women I see in them with nice figures look nice enough, but that’s definitely in spite of the bum hole part not because of it! 😂 I think that lots of people see them aa pretty absurd clothing, which is likely driving some of the response on here.

Having said that, my view is that if casual wear is ok in the office then these should be as acceptable as casual office wear, even though I personally dislike them. Certainly nobody should be texting about what you’re wearing, especially in a sexualised way. I suppose it’s a bit like in the 1960s when mini skirts were new and viewed by some as genuinely outrageous - likely people gossiped. But you don’t have to brush this under the carpet if you don’t want to and male colleagues should not be making you feel
uncomfortable. Yes, it was arguably a private conversation but there is clear workplace guidance on sexual harassment and you always have to treat your colleagues as colleagues first. Inappropriate conversations aren’t ok just because they’re outside the office. Also, once committed to text there’s always a risk it will be seen or passed on, which is absolutely on him.

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@InformationEnthusiast2

☝🏻This is how to put your point across without being insufferable.

I doubt that will help.

bluevalley · 05/10/2025 17:37

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 18:01

I can assure you I was suitably covered thanks and nothing was on show 😂

I best make my other female colleagues aware that if they dare wear leggings or don’t have something baggy covering their mid region then they should expect to be treated like a piece of meat!

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If you were wearing as described:

They were just bog standard scrunch leggings with a tight fit casual t shirt, I didn’t really give them much thought to be honest!

Then everything was on show. Extraordinary outfit for a work function, casual or otherwise.

SoMuchBadAdvice · 05/10/2025 18:23

MasterBeth · 04/10/2025 08:33

That is not exactly how sexual harassment is policed, and management should not automatically take the word of the majority. A majority could claim something was "banter" but it could still be harassment.

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Sorry, management has to follow facts.

TomPinch · 05/10/2025 19:09

saraclara · 05/10/2025 13:30

Exactly.

And just to clarify for the benefit of some posters:

Wearing clothing that accentuates secondary sexual characteristics does not excuse men sexually assaulting women.

However, it does excuse them commenting on the wearer's attractiveness. Because after all, women wear them because they want to appear attractive to men.

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I agree in part. The equivalent of those leggings really would be a big, leather Henry VIII- style codpiece. Imagine if men began wearing those out and about.

But regardless of that I think men comment on their female colleagues' appearance at their own risk, unless they're reporting inappropriate drea to the boss. It's just not a good idea. If I were the OP's colleague I would be getting ready to apologise or seeing whether I could lie my way out of it!

August1980 · 05/10/2025 20:27

Marylou2 · 03/10/2025 17:23

I'd drop him a message just to say that you won't be wearing leggings again. That'll really make him sweat 😓 .

You are my kind of girl… I would do the same and move on.

what exactly do you hope to achieve OP? Talk to HR? Then what?
do what you need to you don’t need our permission…

SquirrelMadness · 05/10/2025 20:45

TomPinch · 05/10/2025 19:09

I agree in part. The equivalent of those leggings really would be a big, leather Henry VIII- style codpiece. Imagine if men began wearing those out and about.

But regardless of that I think men comment on their female colleagues' appearance at their own risk, unless they're reporting inappropriate drea to the boss. It's just not a good idea. If I were the OP's colleague I would be getting ready to apologise or seeing whether I could lie my way out of it!

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He didn't mention OP's name in the message, he could say he was talking about someone off the TV or in a film, someone outside of work or someone in the gym where leggings are actually appropriate. I can't imagine it would be enough to get him in trouble. I doubt the OP is actually planning to go to HR anyway.

Lobberto · 06/10/2025 05:21

sweetpickle2 · 03/10/2025 17:39

People saying "take it as a compliment" need to raise their standards. You should be allowed to wear leggings (or anything!) to work without being objectified.

Yes people comment on other people's appearances, but to do so on a work messaging system is unprofessional at best and creepy at worst. Save it for your private conversations when you're not on work time.

So… objectification and comments on appearance are ok as long as you don’t know it’s happening? What a stupid comment. His message was hardly earth shattering, she should just ignore it and move on.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 06/10/2025 08:52

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 03/10/2025 17:22

Has no-one on here ever looked at a bloke and said to a friend “OMG he’s hot/lush/<insert term of choice>”? Not ever?

Honestly the way in which people get worked up about these things,

The fact that we now have messaging etc means that what you say can potentially be seen by the person you’ve said it about, but anyone who says they’ve never made a comment about someone they’ve found attractive is lying.

Absolutely! So quick to be offended.

Saying it to her would have been inappropriate at work.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 06/10/2025 09:01

nomas · 03/10/2025 19:12

Bog standard scrunch leggings? Can you say oxymoron. 😂

Quite! 🤣🤣🤣.

sweetpickle2 · 06/10/2025 11:42

Lobberto · 06/10/2025 05:21

So… objectification and comments on appearance are ok as long as you don’t know it’s happening? What a stupid comment. His message was hardly earth shattering, she should just ignore it and move on.

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Objectification is never okay, but since it's impossible to police people's private thoughts I don't think there's much we can do about that- however doing it on a work messaging system is a choice that absolutely can and should be policed.

It's like how you're free to watch pornography in your spare time, but doing it in the middle of the office on a work computer would be pretty stupid and unprofessional.

Katherine9 · 06/10/2025 11:48

ChangingWeight · 05/10/2025 17:01

Isn’t this common sense?

I’m in my 20s, slim, go gym etc. It’s cringe to say but undeniably I have a nice figure. I don’t dress to emphasise my figure at work though. You’re specifically wearing scrunch bum leggings to accentuate your ass, alongside a tight t shirt to what, accentuate your boobs/waist?

For me, I don’t see the point in doing that. I don’t want the losers I work with to think I’m attractive like that. I totally dress differently at work, than outside of work.

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Exactly this.

Mimicking a baboon's arse by deliberating wearing bum scrunch leggings - then complaining when people comment that you know what you're doing - it is beyond ridiculous.

Photo to illustrate my point.

smithsgj · 06/10/2025 13:24

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 18:24

With respect to my colleagues, and I love most of the ladies dearly. But the average size is probably 16, so I don’t think leggings feature too prominently in their wardrobe!

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You think your female colleagues are overweight (at size 16, why?), and that you are the only one who should wear leggings because you are more petite? Forgive me but it indeed seems that "you know what you are doing" here and I don't believe you respect or "love" your female colleagues at all.